I drunk texted a guy I really liked and now he won't talk to me, how can I get him to want me again? He was really into me before. Help?

[Anonymous]

I met a guy online in my grad class and we had amazing chemistry! I drunk textd him bc I wanted to see him that night but he turned me down and I got upset and textd him that I needed a guy who was ready for more etc etc I was so embarrassed in the AM, he says I made him uncomfortable and it would be better to take a breather from hanging out in the future... What does this mean? And can I get him to ever forgive me and like me again? We met two weeks ago and met up only once but the chemistry we had was undeniable, I've never met a guy so similar to me before and I was crushing big time on him. Also he's in his mid 30s and I'm mid 20s and a single parent. Any advice to get this amazing guy to reconsider me? Thank you and yes I did apologize repeatedly.

[BearsAnswers]

Time, most likely. A lot of guys, particularly as they get older and start to get their shit together, will find a drunk text a big red flag that the texter is not at the same point in their life as the textee. The follow up text that 'you needed a guy ready for more' is most likely the killer here though, as that signifies a lot of issues that guys don't want to deal with. Shitty, because you were drunk, but it really sounds like you just ticked off a bunch of big red flag boxes for him and he doesn't want to move forward with that.

You may not be able to recover from this with this guy, so it may turn into an unfortunate 'life lesson'. If you want to try to recover anyways, make sure you go into it with the understanding that it is a long-shot, and that it may not work, even if you give it your best.

My advice for making a valiant attempt at recovery would focus on time, and on slowly showing him that your drunken antics were an exception, not the rule. Give him some space, the last thing that guy is going to want now is a barrage of texts trying to apologize over and over and 'what can I do?' texts and 'give me another chance' texts and the like. That would hurt your chances big time. Space, first and foremost. Some time - be cognizant of how often you message him. Make sure you don't drunk text him, obviously, as you are most likely in a 'two strikes your out' category right now if you're not out already.

Trying to find something low key to do together, something you are going to do anyways, but that he would enjoy. Something that is a small time commitment, that has a low barrier to entry. You want to show him that you are chill, that you are not high maintenance and that you are not full of drama, because that's what the text would have conveyed, unfortunately. Show him that the sober you is calm and confident and has your own life that is satisfying - he doesn't want to feel responsible for having to keep you happy as well at this stage. Be chill.

[Asker]

Aw man! Ok I definitely owned up to my mistake and apologized, I left him a voicemail message last night asking to meet in person since text and phone are not appropriate ways to deal with this, he's in his early 30s and I'm in my mid 20s. That's the last communication attempt, I'm hoping he's mature enough to meet w me, he was really into me before :( I don't know why I'm taking his rejection so hard, I'm never this attached. Thanks for the responses!

[BearsAnswers]

You're welcome. Thanks for 'most helpful' :)

Good luck. It sucks when your mind betrays you and gets attached to somebody that isn't going to work out for one reason or another. Hopefully it's not too late, but at least you seem willing to move on if it does turn out to be a lost cause, so that's a positive sign.

[MothMonsterMan]

"e says I made him uncomfortable and it would be better to take a breather from hanging out in the future... What does this mean?"

Exactly what he says. You made him uncomfortable and he doesn't want to hang out with you.

You've apologized to him and that's all you can do. The more you try to get him to "Reconsider" you, the more you're going to push him away. Best to just leave it alone, and let him come back if he chooses to.

[DeadBattery]

Depends on the exact words you used in your text.