Girls, What could I be doing wrong?

[Anonymous]

I am a soon-to-be 25 year old man who is grossly under-experienced with women. I have been with women in the past, but those relationships lasted at most 2 months each. I learned quite a bit about myself in each instance but I haven't been very successful since tge end of 2019. I have been really struggling to find what exactly is my problem (s) and how to ameliorate them, and I have to identify them first before I can actively fix them.

Currently I am going to school. I got a late start with that since I didn't know what I wanted out of life until about 23. I have a good bead on what I want out of life, and I have been exposing myself to philosophy to figure out how to be moral and ethical and all that jazz. I have such a huge love of learning and I would describe myself as a nerdy kind of guy.

I know I have worth and the fact that I continually push myself, no matter how half-assed sometimes, only puts me in my mind as someone who is worth an investment. I always try to be a good person in accordance to an egoistic state-of-mind which means I need to put MYSELF at the forefront of all that I do, which does not mean using others at their expense (many people misconceive this).

I always feel like I am spinning my wheels and the people I feel comfortable telling this to are unhelpful at the very least, telling me platitudes like "oh it will get better" or "oh it could be worse." The one girl I asked for advice said "I am not toxic enough; I need to be a bad boy." I am not a "nice guy" but I try to be good to all unless crossed.

I am painfully shy around women and even more socially awkward around attractive women and that I know is one of the issues, but I cannot ever shake the idea that my attention is unwelcome or unwanted - that me asking girls out will inevitably lead to a harassment charge even though I do my damndest to respect boundaries of others.

What could I be doing so wrong even though I am doing things so technically correct in life?

[lexiflexs]

You are too worried about it. There are guys that are 30 and 40 years old who haven’t been in a serious committed relationship and don’t care. Desperation isn’t attractive to women. Your personal value is attributed to how quickly you find a relationship. These things take time, and if it doesn’t happen it doesn’t. It’s not the end of the world. Focus on yourself. Happiness is found within as well as confidence. Focus on finishing school, furthering your career, making good memories, achieving your goals, spending time with loved ones, and ENJOYING LIFE. Alone before with anyone else. It’s all about perspective.

[lexiflexs]

Is NOT attributed ******

[Asker]

Here is the funny thing. I have been doing that lately. I am proud of what I have achieved and how far I have come in life, despite the knowledge that the journey is nowhere near over. I have built it all myself, with barely any support from anyone else. I only had to rely on myself and I do not sell myself short on that.

This is not a need thing, I do not NEED a relationship, which is where the desperation comes into play - I only want one, as I understand I am only obligated to myself and a future SO would be so to themselves. I am fully aware happiness comes from within, and I have been working diligently to attain it on my terms for me AND ONLY me. I wish to find a person who values life in kind - I just have difficulties finding that particular thing.

[lexiflexs]

Well obviously everyone would like to find the right person. But don’t settle for just anyone because you’re afraid you’ll have trouble finding a relationship. It’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. Just put yourself out there, make friends, talk to women. Don’t have expectations. Usually these things happen randomly and when you’re least expecting them. Planning it will only make it harder as it’s basically like forcing a natural process.

[Asker]

I think you're misunderstanding and it is partially my fault. I don't have enough text to fully encapsulate my story. I am not trying to force a natural process, and I am certainly not insinuating I want to settle. I refuse to be with just any random person that comes my way because I care so much for myself and my own interest. An abusive bitch is not someone who wants to encourage me to build myself and grow, she wants to tear me down and take what she can and I even I can understand that and I hope that you know I know I understand that.

What I am saying is that I struggle putting myself out there, but even with my knowledge of all that I have done for myself, I still struggle to do so and I don't know why.

[lexiflexs]

Just be confident, be yourself grow out of your shell, hang out in groups so there is less pressure on you. Also, don’t expect anything and get disappointed when things don’t work out. Go in with the mentality that you have nothing to lose approaching a woman. Max that will happen is she will say no. There is nothing to worry about.

[Siren777]

The problem is...
You are too hard on yourself and rushing the process. Take things one day at a time. Meet some people, figure if you like them. Date and see what you like and take it from there You sound like you like things to move at a particular pace, find someone with mutual interest and want the same out of life. The only way is if you put yourself out there. Enjoy life, stop the pressure and the perfectionism.

[Asker]

I am too hard on myself, but how did you come to that conclusion based on what I wrote? Women cannot actually be as psychic as the prophecies foretell, can they?

[Siren777]

Yeah I am pretty psychic lol. Please don't the perfectionism and start enjoying life dear.

[DizzyDesii]

You sound attractive to me already. I can relate to a lot of that. And the main reason a majority of my partners lasted 3 months or less is because i won't waste time staying with someone who has proven incompatible on multiple occasions. As long as you aren't sleeping with all those 2 month partners then you should be fine. I've only been intimate with 2 partners and both lasted up to 2 years

[Anonymous]

It only takes one or two times having sex at any age to be experienced enough. I don't understand why guys who haven't had sex by a certain age don't just go get a massage or escort a few times, which would give them the experience and confidence they need for girls they really want.

[Anonymous]

I think you are trying too hard. Take a step back and let things happen naturally.