My whole life fell apart in one week and now I have no idea if can even continue because of it?

[Khloee98]

I’m broken and haven’t felt this awful before.
Me and my mom got in a huge fight and we won’t be talking together anymore, I hurt her feelings really badly in the spur of the moment fight. I also owe her money from when I was in between jobs and it’s about 3K. I feel so guilty about this.
My job isn’t going well. My manager is extremely mad at me about a project and some sick days I had to take. She is being really nitpicky and passive aggressive and it’s driving me crazy.
A guy I was dating stopped pursuing me and said he isn’t attracted to me and that he thinks of me as only a friend.
I also have a huge payment towards my horse I have to make by mid-April.
I was so upset this week and took more than my prescribed dosage of my aderrall almost every day.
I am usually someone who is always on top of everything and is a very, very high performer and perfectionist. I feel like the minute I am not “perfect” everyone becomes mean and “concerned” about me. I can’t do it anymore, living this way.
How could I possibly move forward?

[caring__1]

First off, never take more meds than your doctor prescribes. It can throw you off emotionally, leading you to say and do things you wouldn't normally say and do. Next, understand there is no such things as a dead-end one-way street. We continue to come to forks in the road, allowing us to choose a different path.

As far as your mom, understand she, like everyone else, just want to know what she can expect. Don't promise more than you can deliver, even if it means it takes you longer to get out of debt. Be realistic, and show consideration for the feelings of others. Yelling at her won't eliminate your feelings of guilt. We can't get rid of bad feelings by throwing them on others. That only makes the situation worse.

As far as your job, don't get in over your head. If you need help, ask for it. Telling people you can do something you're not qualified to do will only lead to them not trusting you. If your job is more than you can handle, you may want to look for other opportunities, rather than watch your self-esteem drop as you sink deeper and deeper.

You probably have more on your plate than you can realistically handle, so adding a relationship into the mix may not make sense. Wait till you're ready to handle a relationship before you jump in. At least he's still willing to be your friend, so you won't necessarily be going it alone. Maybe he can be a sounding board for you and help you broaden your perspective and discover alternatives.

Just be honest with the person you owe the money to regarding your horse (horses are very expensive, so consider whether you're stable enough to take on that responsibility).

Being a perfectionist will accomplish nothing more than adding more stress to your plate. Be realistic and do what makes sense. You have nothing to prove... to yourself or others. The more you strive toward perfection, the more others will expect of you. You're not Superwoman. You'll only choke if you bite off more than you can chew. Don't make unrealistic promises to impress others. It will backfire if you fail to follow through.

[Khloee98]

My mom blocked my number. She’s never done that before so I’m really thinking it’s over.

[caring__1]

You can always mail her a letter. Apologize, but don't attempt to legitimize your actions. She probably isn't interested in excuses. Focus on moving forward rather than stagnating in the past.

[Anonymous]

You gotta relax, girl. So you’re behind on some cash and you got in a fight with your mom, big deal. The boyfriend thing, who cares? Some random guy doesn’t want to date you? These are just basic life problems we all encounter daily. Just relax a bit.

[Khloee98]

Tbh I know when I take a step back all this shit seems so small and repairable.
I am a perfectionist and people also expect so much out of me so it can feel like I’m falling short all the time.

[Opinion Owner]

Don’t worry about other people. Don’t worry about your job. If your job is stressful, find a new one. Focus on your happiness. Figure out a budget to pay your mom back and apologize to her. These are all problems that can be solved. I know it’s hard. I’ve been through it all in the past year, I understand. It’s also okay to vent like this when it gets to be too much, but you need to make sure this isn’t your normal mindset. Get some rest and take your next step forward in the morning.

[Khloee98]

@octopusears my mom blocked my number. And my stepdad is also ignoring my messages. I’ve helped him in the past when my mom was mad at him, he can’t be there for me though? I have no idea how to react to this. It’s my mom.

[Opinion Owner]

She needs time. In the meantime, you need to drop the adderall. That shit is straight up meth, you’re on a bender. I didn’t realize you were taking it until i just reread the post. You should seriously get with a new doctor and discuss coming off of it.

[Khloee98]

I really think it’s over between us. She’s never just blocked me. She usually forgives me faster than this.

[Opinion Owner]

You need to make the changes in your life that prove to her that you’re worthy of forgiveness. You can’t get forgiveness for free, it’s earned.

[Khloee98]

I am not sure what to change besides the medication. And a plan to pay her back.
I honestly think I might not be able to move forward and I don’t have a desire to really live right now.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m telling you, getting off the meds will be the change. It turns you into a completely different person.

[Khloee98]

Really? I already tried that and felt more tired and stuff afterward.

[Opinion Owner]

Because you’re not on stimulants. You’re not used to feeling normal.

[Khloee98]

Do you think I can have my doctor talk to my mom for me? LOL embarrassing that I’m an adult but if someone else can shed perspective that’d help me with this.
I need her to know that I wasn’t myself when we talked last week - I was overdosing on my meds which made me into another person.

[Opinion Owner]

No, you need to get off the meds and tell her yourself.

[Khloee98]

My mom said this by the way:
STOP CALLING ME & STOP CALLING DAVE!
I will call you at some point!!!

[Opinion Owner]

See, she just needs time. Use this time to better yourself.

[Khloee98]

Well I messaged my doctor on mychart and told her what has happened. We have an app tomorrow.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s good. It might feel overwhelming at first, but all of this is fixable. Just take it one step at a time and work with your doctor and be honest about the recent abuse. They can’t help if you aren’t honest with them.

[Khloee98]

More importantly I hope my mom can forgive me and eventually call me.
She sent me another message after that one I showed you saying STOP CONTACTING US!
So she seems really upset.

[Opinion Owner]

Focus on your health your mom will forgive you, I promise.

[Khloee98]

Definitely.
What about my job though? I think I can push through this project but it’s stressful having a boss who’s mad at you.

[Opinion Owner]

Do what you can. You’ll be okay. The work will get easier. You just need to find a good stress release. You’ve got all this pent up energy. Maybe start running or something. I started weight lifting and that helped me.

[Khloee98]

That’s awesome.
With the aderral I was a superhuman... or at least felt like it. I was crushing everything left and right, had limitless energy, was performing really well at everything,
But it’s not sustainable. I feel robotic and like I’m sacrificing my personal happiness and health to meet all of these demands that weren’t completely humanly possible.
I was depressed before, but now everything feels more amplified on it. And problems seem even more deep.

[Opinion Owner]

It sounds like you understand and that makes me glad. Please don’t forget your doctor appointment and I know you’ll get through it.

[Anonymous]

Mom: she will come around. Maybe it doesn’t seem like it right now because things were bad but a parents love is (usually) unconditional. Loaning you up to 3k is not something someone who didn’t love you would do. Apologize when you get the chance.
Work: there are other jobs, maybe you should start looking. Life’s too short to not help your mental health where you can
Ex guy: it’ll pass and you will get over him
Horse payment: see if you can find a side gig, a loan or some way of getting that extra cash. It is stressful but doable. This is part of taking on adult responsibilities. can't choke on what you bit off, you have to chew.


These are just some suggestions but the major message here is that these things are fixable. Rock bottom is shitty and overwhelming, but you can’t live there. Take action, make a plan and remember to just breathe. You will get through all of that.

[In_Trance]

26 years comes to a halt in just 7 days?

[Anonymous]

Therapy.