What current area in your life would you most benefit from by applying more outcome independence?

[Anonymous]

And I don't think outcome independence should be treated as simple as "not giving a shit about anything." I think that it should be more specific. Like the stoic viewpoint of not being deeply emotionally affected or limited by the outcome of things that specifically aren't in our control.

A good & powerful coping mechanism when done properly. But oh boy, is it hard to enforce when fear is in the way!

Bonus:
• Where have you successfully applied outcome independence in your life?
• What challenges did you have to overcome in order to be more outcome independent about the thing?

Photo by "Sharon McCutcheon" on Unsplash

[DaveJord]

Well honestly I guess I would have to say, dating and work. It is because in life you can only control certain factors as they pertain to you, and after you become your own master... you have to accept that you can not control or master other people, situations, circumstances or every contributing factor. Timeing and circumstance is usually the biggest factors, which you have to be patience and reduce as many disqualifiers as possible.

All you can do is be the best version of yourself that you can be, and then hope for the right opportunities to come your way. The harder you chase after something the faster it runs away, so at some point you have to let things happen for themselves, and position yourself the best way you can to capitalism on them. And that means it may not always be the opportunity you wanted, hopeful or excepted... but its always good to see and opportunity for what it is and see where it takes you.

[HighlyVolatile]

I'm actually a rather thoroughly results-independent thinker. I think I always was from the time I was a child. I always broke down actions to +EV or -EV as Poker players do factoring in luck affecting results, and evaluated my actions on those terms.

It's one reason why I never developed any trust issues in spite of being deceived and betrayed multiple times. I see it as -EV to develop trust issues and +EV to be a trusting individual even though we'll be susceptible to some bad luck here and there.

My problem isn't so much from failing to apply results-independent thinking but being drawn to some actions that I consider -EV. For example, I'm a little bit addicted to alcohol even though I consider alcohol consumption -EV. I enjoy the positive short-term results too much even though the long-term expected value is undoubtedly negative if I repeat my alcohol binges over and over.

[HighlyVolatile]

In terms of the bonus, there was one major case in my life where I was very results-oriented in my thinking and that was in talking to girls and asking them out. I was very shy about it as a teenager since I think I had double the normal fears. I was not only afraid to be rejected and hurt disappointed way but I was also afraid of making the girl feel awkward.

But the way I started becoming results-independent there was to confront those fears and overcome them. I got rejected sometimes and I saw the actual result as no big deal (my life actually carried on as though nothing happened), but I also developed a light-hearted approach to it where, if I got rejected, the girls would still be smiling and not feel at all awkward. I even managed to become friends with some of the girls who rejected me.

So I started to just enjoy the process of talking to women and asking them out regardless of the results (enjoying the journey just on its own without requiring the hope of reaching the destination to find it fulfilling). Another way I conditioned my mind was to see all possible short-term results as positive, even a rejection. Rejection is still a win as I came to see it since I made a valuable discovery that I'm not the girl's type. Knowing that sooner rather than much later is a win.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

I think outcome independence is difficult to apply in practice, because we often don't really know what outcomes are "in our control" and which outcomes are not. If a goal is valid, then we should strive to achieve that goal with all we can muster, whether or not we end up at exactly the destination we'd envisioned.

[Bourbon_]

I guess what people think about me?