My fear of childbirth is greater than my love for children, normal?

[Liliesxoxo]

At the age of 25, my fear of childbirth is the only thing preventing me from becoming pregnant. I had two great relationship that would've progressed but it was me that broke up. I never told them the reason. They must be thinking I was an unstable girl that can't decide.

I'm not just afraid of it. I'm terrified by it. That's how my mother (dad's wife and only love) died and I can't get over that fear. My dad never dated ever since.

I've been wanting to get rid of that fear but it's hard. Is this normal?

[Apple1996]

Not normal. You have to realize that you are your own person and your birth won't be like anyone else's even with multiple childern each birth is very different. The likelihood of dying during birth now a days is very low so it's not worth being scared if you really want kids.

[Graci_e]

This is absolutely normal and a very valid fear. I completely understand.

Carrying and birthing a child is a very scary, overwhelming experience. No one should be expected to go through that.

If you do want children but the thing in the way is fear, I’d suggest therapy to work through your feelings and come to a decision on what’s best for you.

Your fear and trauma is completely valid. I completely understand.

Both my older sisters are both heavily pregnant and it’s been very hard for them. They’re both healthy and so are the babies, but it’s definitely been a tough experience.

I feel like a therapist would be very beneficial to help you work through this.

Being a mum would be an amazing thing. If that’s what you choose, I’m sure you’ll be just fine.

[Graci_e]

Also, I’m sure the medical care would have changed significantly in 25 years. The rate of death is much, much lower and you’ll be in safe hands.

[lightbulb27]

Normal trauma... trauma isn't just what happens, but how you process it.

Example of same in different domain, maybe can help lead you to solutions to resolve:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Fd6gnTvQo7g

Traumas control until they are dealt with. When they are resolved, you are freed and new opportunites and doors open. you are still young, work this out rather than live through fear.

relative just had baby at 37yrs...

[Liliesxoxo]

Interesting, helpful video.

[loveslongnails]

Everyone has fears, and overcoming them is difficult. Look at it like this - either you'll get over it soon, or you won't. If you don't do it, you will never have your own kids and you'll have to find a surrogate or adopt.

[Liliesxoxo]

My fears are the story repeating itself, something bad happening during/after delivery or my future child left motherless like I was.

[loveslongnails]

Whatever the fear is, it's the same answer... either you'll get over it, or you won't. If you want help overcoming the fear, you need to seek an expert if you can't do it yourself.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Giving birth indeed comes with serious health risks, unfortunately so does tubal ligation and vasectomy, so if you want to have sex, you have to pick at least one of those options.

[Liliesxoxo]

Yet I love and want kids. I just wish there was a way to get rid of this fear, of this trauma.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Only way to do that is to give birth problem free, then get fixed or have him get fixed. So your only pregnancy you'll ever have has no negative canotation to it, but honestly, you would be better off adopting a parentless kid, since that has no risk, and you also get to pick your child based on their personality, instead of dealing with a random crap shoot.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Plus you can skip the diaper stage if you adopt an older toddler.

[LazerBean]

It's not normal, but then again most people don't know someone who's actually died from childbirth.

[Liliesxoxo]

That's the issue. If she would've survived then I wouldn't have this phobia I have now. Even though my father tried his best to raise me and involved in activities she would've been proud, a girl still needs a mother too.

[Anonymous]

Childbirth is not always painful. Varies for each women. My did not have any pain.

[Liliesxoxo]

She's a lucky woman.

[CloudMassacre]

I’m scared of creating a new person, so I’m getting a vasectomy before I have sex

[Anonymous]

I don't think its abnormal.

[Liliesxoxo]

yeah I can't get rid of that fear
All I continue thinking if that anything can go wrong and my future child can missed out on a mother just like I did and my dad never recovered from that loss

[Opinion Owner]

Therapy could help.