Why are men so hard about wanting kids and what's the big deal if a woman doesn't want kids?

[Anonymous]

Even if the woman is good for and cares a lot and put you first, you still dump her anyways?

[genericname85]

what is this question? if you don't want kids, get with a man that doesn't want kids instead of complaining about those that do. your partner has to fit the life you're leading. complaining about people with different future plans than you won't bring you any further in life.

i mean you would certainly dump a guy when you find out that he has vastily different plans for his future than you do and there's no way to have a mutually acceptable common future plan. that's very normal. gotta filter those that don't fit out.

[Asker]

Its actually my family, all my siblings vs have multiple kids and they expect me to follow the same path of life, they even hooked me up with a guy who was older and they liked him a lot but he wanted kids and I didn't so my family got angry at me. I made it clear to them I don't want kids but they seem not to agree on my life choice..

[genericname85]

just think for a second about how empathy works.

you take how you feel yourself and then you sort of try to emulate someone elses situation right?

so what your family does is look at what makes them happy. and so they want the thing that makes them happy for you. so in essence all they're trying to make it such that you're happy. you should be thankful for that, even if what they end up trying doesn't fit your bill.

so all they do is trying to help you be happy and you rejecting their effort probably comes across as ungrateful and dismissive of their efforts.

i think you should value their effort instead of complaining that they fail to do what they're trying to do for you.

[Asker]

Its my body why should I give give birth if I don't want to? And its my life not there's

[Asker]

And I tried the empathy thing it doesn't work

[genericname85]

I didn't say you should get children of you don't want some did i? Did you read what i said? I mean that it's best to give them recognition for their attempt to make you happy. I didn't say you should do what they want.

[msc545]

tell them to have more of their own kids.

[genericname85]

@msc545 hostility towards your family is never a good solution. unless your family is toxic and exploitative anyway. they want your best so don't punish them for trying to help. cause they won't help you again if you do that.

[msc545]

Ok. Tell them nicely.

[genericname85]

@msc545 yeah. that's better.

[Asker]

@genericname85 yeah I kinda misunderstood your opinion there for a second, sorry, my bad. And thank you for your opinion and sharing your thoughts, it was very helpful and I really appreciate it.

[jshm2]

Those are two different things, deary.

If you LEAD a man on, who wants to settle and have kids, then that is shitty behaviour on your part. He's right to ditch such a manipulative liar.

But if you both settled on being child free, and he changes his mind later, than that's on him.

[menina]

Well, some men believe that all women want to have children and others believe that women are only good to give birth. When they met a woman who doesn't want to be a mother, they get angry or upset.

In our world being a woman means being a mother. That's why women who don't want kids are criticized.

[Asker]

That's kinda sad

[menina]

I agree.

[dustybiker]

I used to see a lot of profiles of men who stated very clearly they didn’t want to have kids. But I come from a generation of teen pregnancies, so they probably all had them already.

[HighValue]

I would have no interest in a woman if she doesn't want kids and to raise a family together.

If she doesn't want kids that is her choice, but it will greatly limit the number of good men that are willing to date her. The majority of men that would happily date her are the type that do casual sex/hook ups/ONS and are likely to cheat or leave her once someone more attractive and exciting comes along.

[LazerBean]

Because it's a big deal. Someone not wanting kids is an immediate deal breaker if you are a person who does want kids.

[Asker]

My question is do majority of men feel this way?

[LazerBean]

Yes. Most men either will not date a woman who doesn't want kids for long, or will date her and expect her to change.

[Asker]

So like does that mean if I don't want kids I can never get married and I could be alone forever?

[LazerBean]

No, just make sure you only date men who also don't want kids and tell them upfront.

[Effably]

I feel wanting or not wanting kids is a major thing and more than enough reason to not be in a relationship.

Only real suggestion is that you disclose your stance early. As early as you can. Most people, men and women, want kids at some point.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

You know it's super easy to be hard on someone when they don't have to go through pregnancy, get sick in the process and have to push out a melon head out of your vagina with blood all over the place risking your life in the process.

[FilmGuy93]

Because it's a major goal/dream/aspiration in life. If the guy wants to have children, why would he waste his time dating a woman who isn't interested in something that he thinks is an important part of life?

[Anonymous]

Seeing your response to the other guy, why don’t you just say that your family wants you to have kids and you aren’t ready? Because that’s a much different situation..

[Asker]

What should I do?

[Asker]

Like I do want to get married but not have kids

[Opinion Owner]

I’d you don’t want kids then that’s completely fine. Parenthood is a lifelong commitment and something you should fully want to do. So if you don’t want kids then please don’t let anyone peer pressure you into something like being a mom. Find a guy who knows you don’t want kids as well and is ok with it. Maybe you’re having a hard time finding him now but trust me those men are out there. If your fam doesn’t like well then whatever, it’s not their body going through pregnancy or their child to raise.

[Opinion Owner]

*if you don’t want kids

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... why would anyone marry you of the plan is to not have kids? Duh? You just want a man to be your retirement plan?

[Asker]

@karakanattackin no I'm not after money if that's what it seems like.

[Asker]

@krakanattackin just want a guy to be my life partner to the end and I don't want to be alone, I didn't have loving parents or siblings that are close. My upbringing wasn't healthy or a good environment for kids anyways

[Opinion Owner]

@krakenattackin why on earth do you think every man on earth wants children? Or everyone in general, especially in this climate?

[Opinion Owner]

I’ve known several individuals in my life who have no desire for kids and they’re in fine relationships, so your logic doesn’t speak for the masses. You have no right judging this woman for her preferences, especially when it comes to parenting. Better than her bringing a child into this world she doesn’t want just because her family pushes her to, and give that kid a shitty upbringing.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m not typing all the agaga’s to tag you, but please go mind the business that pays you because nobody treated kraken like a monster, and the implication of doing so is honestly fucking annoying. Truth of the matter is he has NO right to judge her for not wanting kids! She wants a guy who also doesn’t want kids and to me that completely fair. It’s better than getting a man who wants kids and stringing him along for years under the impression that maybe one day she’ll change her mind, because that’s just wrong. She’s saying up front she doesn’t want to children, and seeks a like minded individual, there’s nothing wrong with that!

[Opinion Owner]

And on the off chance that you’re not talking about kraken then obviously you just whizzed through her question with the intent to crucify her for wanting kids because where in the topic did she mention being in a relationship? She’s trying to find someone who wants the same thing as her! Fucking duh! The gaslighting is phenomenal.

[Opinion Owner]

*for not wanting kids

[Asker]

Thank you @anonymous for all your opinions and sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate it..

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker. I have no use for a woman who doesn't want kids. Seriously, just go be a "bad boss bitch" forget about marriage and a man as a safety net.

[Asker]

@krakenattackin go get a life and mind your business. Who cares what you gotta say anyways

[Opinion Owner]

kraken stfu honestly. There’s no use for a cranky old man who thinks a woman is only “useful” if she’s having children. @Asker, I’m so glad you don’t let men like him get to you. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids and seeking a like minded man.

[Asker]

@anonymous thank you so much.

[KrakenAttackin]

Op... there is no point in MARRIAGE without kids. Why do you need to have that leverage over a man if you aren't going to have kids? You make no sense.

[Asker]

@krakenattackin you truly are on crack lol

[Opinion Owner]

@asker it’s hard drugs for sure because wtf?😂

[Asker]

@anonymous I know right, krakenattackin is seriously on crack

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker, OP,... why don't you two marry each other? You can carpet munch to your hearts content.

[Opinion Owner]

Lmao wow, the fact that you have the audacity to be this butthurt under a comment that YOU invaded with your smelly, unwarranted opinion is just tragic. I know you’re older, maybe don’t have many friends or kids to keep you company but harassing and shaming random women online is a devastating and honestly embarrassing low. I’m sure there has to be something better to do with your time.

[KrakenAttackin]

Op my point is that marriage is a traditional institution! If you are not planning on raising a family than why get married? You can still have a committed relationship without marriage. Traditional marriage is about family. Is this so hard to understand?

[Opinion Owner]

@Kraken let people live their lives! Holy smokes, why in your mind is it so wrong for her to not want children and still get married? You think every man on earth wants to be a dad? If that logic were applicable then there wouldn’t be so many fatherless children and men who fight tooth and nail not to be involved with their kids! Stop acting like being open to children is the make or break in a relationship. What about the people who find love once they’re infertile (usually by their 40s) and get married then, hm? They’re undeserving of love? Your traditional and backwards way of thinking doesn’t work for every person on earth. She’s not in a relationship or leading anyone on, she’s waiting for someone on the same page and that’s respectable!

[KrakenAttackin]

Op... Marriage has ceased to be about love. Marriage is a gun to a man's head.

[Opinion Owner]

@kraken are you married? If so then it must be loveless or you had some shitty separation because only a bitter person talks like that. You didn’t address one point of what I said and instead keep trying to force your beliefs upon other people. It’s incredibly small minded to believe that every marriage without a child or children is unhappy.

[Opinion Owner]

Not to mention baseless in this day and age. Our climate gradually worsens and people don’t want to bring a child into such a broken world. People who craved parenthood are against it now.

[KrakenAttackin]

Marriage rates are at the lowest numbers in history, ask yourself "why"?

[Opinion Owner]

If marriage rates are at their lowest then there are varying reasons why that is, but it is not SOLELY (if at all) based around one party not wanting children and you cannot dispute that.

[Asker]

@anonymous you speak your points very well and accurate

[Asker]

And @krakenattackin give it a rest already your embarrassing yourself

[Changiis07]

Some men just really want a family/kids so to some it would be a deal breaker

[Asker]

Every guy I bump into wants kids... Especially older men.

[Changiis07]

Yes some older men are ready to settle down some are not ready and don't want kids so it would be a good question to ask on a first day or when getting to know someone for sure

[art84]

My brother has always wanted children and enjoys seeing his daughters growing up. Me personally don't want children and would not care for a women didn't want to have children. Not everyone wants to be parents.

[AssholeNumberOne]

Just hold on, you can't speak for men since you aren't one.

[Asker]

@assholenumberone thank you so much.

[Asker]

Oops sorry my smart phone was a bit silly

[Anonymous]

Why are women so hard about, confidence, looks, money, status?

I could tell you why men are so hard about wanting kids. But you still wouldn't get it. Even having it explained to you. So why ask this question?

[Iron_Man]

Because that’s probably been the goal his whole entire life to have kids

[sirderpsalot123]

Because they want someone who they are compatible with...

Basic stuff.

[Anonymous]

This is an interesting question coming from a woman.

[Dreamclouds]

Well you know... it is an experience of life, maybe the best of them actually, raising a kid is harsh but also very beautiful.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

THEY TWEAKIN TWEAKIN MORE THAN A TWEAKER TWEAKER, that should make them go “AAAAAAAAHO”

[Fromdusktilldawn]

Oh I dont want kids

[In_Trance]

it's not really that big of a deal

[msc545]

Narcissism