Ever had an argument where you were basically 100% in the wrong, but still have a petty irrational feeling of still being mad at the person anyway?

[Anonymous]

For me, I know you all are gonna be like "you fucking asshole you're a complete and total piece of shit!" And you'd be 100% correct. But anyway, here's the situation.

So I'm transgender, born male but want to be female. I put myself as male on this website because I can't relate to biological female problems like periods and being catcalled at and shit, but I've never really felt content with being male. I just always felt like in the wrong body.

But anyway... this was a situation online. It took place on Reddit and then moved onto Instagram. When we were getting to know each other it was on Reddit, when we were getting closer it moved to Instagram. This was over the course of 11 days.

So basically, me and the guy were in one of those Reddit chat rooms where you meet different people. My username was like "CuteBlondeAnimeGirl" or something like that, and my profile picture was basically what my username said. Then on Instagram that was my real life personal account where I had everything (real life friends and family and shit) though I took down any real photos of me.

Me and him were getting to know each other and somewhat "flirting." Not 100% flirting but not 100% platonic either. I had "successfully" "fooled" into thinking I was a girl, I even used real life pictures of a blonde female friend of mine (with her permission, and an explanation to her).

But the jig was up when I posted a photo of my high school diploma with my real name, without thinking it through.

And even though I was 100% in the wrong, his reaction was sort of... weird. It was like:

"Oh my god oh my god I can't fucking believe this, I feel as if my whole life's been ruined now, I can't breathe, I think I'm gonna pass out, I can't believe this!"

Mind you this took course over ELEVEN DAYS, and neither of us discussed being in a relationship or anything. So I didn't understand this reaction, making me very mad at the situation.

In the end, me and him ended up blocking each other. Lol.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Why the hell would you send ANY documentation like that online? What would even be the point of sending someone your diploma with your uncensored information on it? If you just wanted congratulations, you don’t need to send a picture.

[Asker]

😅😅😅😅😅😅Honestly I myself wish I fucking knew. This wasn't even supposed to be a sympathy post or anything, more just "I royally screwed up and acted like a complete and total retard yet still felt angry at the end of the day," hence the words "irrational" and "petty" in the title.

I don't know if these next 2 things make it better or worse, but one, I was 18/19 at the time, freshly graduated 12th grade, and am 23 now. 18/19 year olds fresh out of high school aren't know to be the smartest. Though to be fair I highly doubt that even most 18/19 year olds would be this dumb.

Second thing, I'm severely mentally ill with several different officially diagnosed mental illnesses, the worst ones including bipolar, schizophrenia, and schizoaffective. Can't completely blame it on the mental illnesses I know but they often affected my rationale and decision making. Especially if I was in the midst of a psychotic manic episode (which I actually was). I actually had to be taken to the mental hospital not long after this event.

Also worthy of mention, whenever I did official IQ tests or brain scans at the doctor or whatever the results I got was that I was borderline mentally challenged for someone my age

These things aren't excuses, but the stupidest things I've ever done were usually in a psychotic or manic state, this being one of them.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I hope your medications are working better than they did in your teens. Also, why would you want to share this embarrassing moment with strangers?

[Asker]

Thanks! And well to a certain extent they are working better haha. Some of my past medications were really bad and made me worse, actually. Especially when I was taking depression meds to treat bipolar, which almost always has horrible results. And anti-psychotics that turned me into a zombie. So in the long run my current medications have been by far the best ones so far! 🥰

As for why I would wanna share this embarrassing moments with strangers? If it matters or makes it any better or any worse I've done this basically on all social media platforms, not just on GirlsAskGuys. I just like to vent I suppose. If people I knew in person saw this I'd be more embarrassed, but usually less so online.

Still probably not the best idea though. People can use these embarrassing moments against me. And they certainly have in the past, and sometimes do even now. Real life people too not just online people.

Probably best to document these vents in a private diary or journal rather than posting them online or sharing them with other people in general (both in real life and online). This kind of stuff should be only for me and my therapists. Not even for my parents, as they don't need or want to know this stuff.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yeah, that was my thinking, this shouldn’t be posted online for anyone to find

[Asker]

Definitely not, haha. 😅

Unfortunately I tend to favor my irrational mind over my rational mind, my emotional side over my logical side, my impulsive side over my patient side, etc... I know this is a pretty big problem, but sometimes I even do it subconsciously even though on a conscious level I'm trying to force myself to stop.

Definitely something to continue to work on with my therapist, but yeah. 🤷