Would you massage your turtle with KY jelly?

[purplepoppy]

Rhossi is a rare Kemp's ridley sea turtle that got a little lost and ended up in North Wales. Unlike the leatherback turtle, which is a regular visitor to our shores, the Kemp turtle needs warmer waters so we're sending him back to Texas to swim in the Gulf of Mexico where he belongs

Normally, lost turtles get sent home pretty quickly, but the Evil Donald Trump put a stop to that by blocking aid to the Marine Turtle Conservation Fund.

But we've been rubbing him with KY jelly and vaseline which allegedly protects them and is absolutely not some local fetish. But Rhossi quite likes it and is worried when he gets home to Texas people aren't going to give him a KY jelly massage on the beach.

So the question is do you like to lube up your turtle?

I enjoy rubbing my turtle with KY jelly

I'm surprised the Welsh didn't eat poor Rhossi

I've never rubbed a turtle but always dreamed of feeling one wiggle in pleasure between my slippery fingers

I once put KY on a turtle and now my x rays are being used as evidence against me

Updates

5 d

Agricultural veterinary lube would have done the same job at a fraction of the cost

[Iron_Man]

No sorry I don’t want to get close to those suckers and they get crazy and they snap at your you know what? Then the next thing I know I’ve got myself a snapping turtle biting my private parts and they don’t let go so what am I going to do? Trying to shove a stick in there and pry his mouth open? When I was a Dennis the Menace kid, I protected a girl one time from a snapping turtle at the creek. It was crawling right toward her calf. It was gonna bite the heck out of her and I kept watching it get closer to her and I said something and I saved her. She would’ve been all torn up her calf muscle. The snapping turtle had his mouth wide open and kept crawling closer to her calf muscle while she was turned around, but I said something, and I saved the day for her. They don’t let go you have to really do something to let them to let go

[purplepoppy]

Occasionally some idiot releases one of those snapping turtles here. They had to close off a waterfall a few months ago because of one

[Iron_Man]

Wow” were they the small kind or the big ones?

[purplepoppy]

It was a whopping big one https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4gyl5gj021o

[Iron_Man]

Wow” that is a big mean ugly nasty one. But I’m glad everything worked out.

[Ill_made_Knight]

Based on the images of the critter I doubt it could pull the famous alligator snapper trick of latching onto you even as you grip it either side of the shell from behind, still I could be wrong, the baggy skin can conceal the effective length of the neck. I seem to recall getting a call on a stranded turtle, heavy little guy, about a foot from front of shell to back. We hopped out of the van and my trainee sprinted over to it as I was still grabbing my catch pole, she proceeded to reach down, intending to grab it from either side like some giant sandwich... he almost got her, head lashed out up and backwards over the shell quick as a snake strike. Show full respect to the wildlife, always.

[RachyRach]

I'd rub him with anything if it would help him! What a cutie!

[OneViewpoint]

Now I've heard it all. You brits are molesting some unfortunate sea turtle with sex lube under the pretense of helping the directionally challenged reptile.

Turtles belong to the biological Order Testudines, a major lineage of reptiles defined by a bony or leathery shell. Apparently that classification triggered all sort of unhealthy thoughts in your locals. Well at least the sheep are getting a break.

[pierre7i]

It must help that you're undoubtedly an expert at applying KY jelly @purplepoppy -- can't help imagining it must be an especially beautiful experience while you're massaging it onto one's 'affected' part !

Hope the lost turtle appreciates your jelly masage and can then swim comfortably back to the Gulf of Mexico-not-America !

[Chazmatazz269]

There have to be better options.
I am generally pretty good to my pets, but there is a limit. I knew a family who had to put their twenty year old cat on an IV at night because its digestive system was failing and it couldn’t get the strength and energy it needed from food alone.
I would never do that.
Rubbing ointment on a turtle is not a big ask though.

[Jersey2]

Any turtle with me will get warm and even hot and certainly wet. I don’t need KY to help out. Perhaps some save the planet rock star can give ot a lift in their private jet while they pollute our air.

[Levin]

I've got more important things to be getting on with than wanking off turtles.

Well, slightly more important, anyway.

[Levin]

Alright, you got me, my daily activities are not more important than that.

[NathanDavis]

call it the Gulf of America... and he might change his mind about it

[canamlusciouslad73]

The late Hall Of Fame MLB right-handed pitcher Gaylord Perry used KY jelly on the ball and won 314 games !!!

[RareBreedOfMan]

I think lube is the best thing to use on his tough skin, it should keep him out of his shell more often.