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I think im coming to the realization that im going through such a thing. I feel like so much time has passed yet i still feel like im high school age. I have been questioning many things as time has gone on. I feel like im stuck when it comes to my job. It pays well, but it has been affecting my health. I get a lot of respiratory issues because of the allergens i get exposed to. Its run by piss-poor management that sees me and my workers as just machines. there's no other opportunities right now that are decent that aren't fuckin hours away from me. Me and my boyfriend both work together, which is another thing.
Im questioning my relationship. We truly love each other but our differences are nearly polarizing. We have different hobbies, which is cool with me, but i realize it does make me feel quite alone when talking about the things we like because neither of us can relate or fully understand. We have different values, different wants for the future. I dont want to have kids, and the idea of me being married kinda gets to me. I guess its the mentality of me just not wanting to slow down. Thing is, my guy wants marriage and kids someday. He really wants that.
I get scared at the thought that someday late in life when i could no longer have kids that ill regret it. But i dont also want to regret becoming a mother and wifey if i were to be all that. In other words, i dont know what the fuck i want in life.
I feel like if i met the 16 year old me she would be pissed that i didn't already have a band. That was my dream back then and i had failed to work on that for a long time. My guitar skills have slacked like hell. I feel like I've had a sudden awareness of how time passes, and its scary, especially when seeing loved ones aging too. I feel like i have wasted so much of it! I know deep down this is just the beginning of my life still, but damn.
For those who have felt similar things, how did you work through it?
I dont mean to make others butthurt but i gotta say its fucking comical.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
9Opinion
I think what you're describing is less about having your life figured out and more about finally becoming aware that time is actually moving. That realization can be terrifying. You look at your job, your relationship, the things you wanted when you were younger, and suddenly you start asking yourself, "Is this really the life I want?" I don't think that means you've wasted your life. I think it means you're finally paying attention to it. And honestly, I'd rather have that realization now than wake up twenty years from now and realize I never stopped to question anything. "Easy does it. One day at a time." I know that can sound like a cliché, but I've learned how true it actually is. I spent years doing dead-end auditing and accounting jobs, thinking I was supposed to have some greater purpose but having absolutely no idea what that purpose was. Then at 25, my life completely fell apart. for some time after that, I still felt like I was wandering around without any real direction. It wasn't until this year that I finally started to understand what I wanted my life to be about, and I've started building a business centered around helping other people just like me. I'm not saying that because I have everything figured out, because I absolutely don't. I'm saying it because sometimes your life has to take a completely unexpected path before you find the thing you were actually meant to do. And all those skill's I aquired when at the time they seemed almost meaningless have helped me build a life worth living.
And I don't think you need to immediately figure out marriage, children, your career, your relationship, and the rest of your life. But you do owe it to yourself to be honest about those questions. If you know your boyfriend genuinely wants marriage and children and you genuinely don't, that's not a small difference that love automatically fixes. Neither of you is wrong for wanting what you want, but neither of you should have to abandon something fundamental to yourselves just to keep a relationship alive. The same goes for your job. Making good money doesn't necessarily make something worth staying in , I know this first hand, if it's damaging your health and making you miserable. And as for that 16-year-old version of you who wanted to be in a band, I don't think she's necessarily angry that you haven't accomplished everything yet. Maybe she's just reminding you that she's still in there. Pick up the guitar or find something new that meant what that guitar meant to her. You don't have to make up for every year you've lost. You just have to start. Even on the worst days, life becomes a lot more manageable when you stop trying to solve the next ten years and just take these 24 hours as a manageable amount of time. Do what you can with today, and let tomorrow worry about itself. You haven't run out of time. You're just beginning to understand that your time is worth being intentional with.
This is very inspiring. I think deep down i punish myself for not having things all figured out. Its almost like a mentality of "all this time passed, and look at you, ya dont have shit together" lol. I've always been bad about being hard with myself. Its amazing how for some people, their worst bully is themselves.
Haha, I think I've come to realize that the most important thing for me is learning to go beyond myself and use what I've been through for the benefit of other people. I struggled with alcoholism, depression, and anxiety for years, and it took my life completely falling apart before I was willing to look at myself with any real honesty. I ended up in jail for something I couldn't even remember because of my drinking, and for probably the first time in my life, I had no way to distract myself from the consequences of my own decisions. I had to sit there and look at my life squarely. Sobriety certainly helped me see things more clearly, but I think there was also something necessary about finally being forced to stop running from myself.
I've been sober for a year and a half now, and somewhere along the way I realized that the suffering I went through doesn't have to be meaningless. I think one of the greatest things we can do with our own pain is allow it to become useful to someone else. That's ultimately what I want to do with my life: help other people who are struggling find their way out of it. I think you're actually fortunate that you're having this realization now. A lot of people spend their entire lives distracting themselves from these questions because they are too painful to confront. Sometimes the very things that break us open are the things that eventually allow us to help ourselves and other people. And yes ultimately we are our own worst critics and especially teenagers can be so cruel lol. Give yourself a little grace, figure out what you really want, discipline yourself towards your goals, and if opportunities aren't clear sometimes I find it's because I wasn't ever looking in the right direction.
I had my "quarter-life" crisis when I was 22 years old...
I was doing great academically, in college... my relationship with my girlfriend at the time was just great, friends and family as well... my health was recovering very very well too
doesn't sound like a crisis that much... right? well, it was time bomb for sure
first... because, while I was excelling academically, that path and career was just easy for me, it didn't cost me much or anything but also I really didn't want it, it wasn't my thing, nor my call... not what I wanted to end up doing with my life... I just got into that because it was readily available and it would have paid very well, it would have been way "to make a living" but not the way I wanted to live, my life...
and not only I was leading myself into that bad situation but also... I didn't have any other sort of back up plan or idea, but worse than that, I WAS NOT WORRIED about, actually... I was just ignoring it and avoiding these facts
fortunately, for me... the one that was with me at the moment, my girlfriend, who was with me day by day and knew me very well too, loved me of course... she was the one to told me "what they hell are you really doing"
"you're an adult, you've grown up, you're a good man even a great one... but you're leading yourself into a mess and you're not caring about, you're not taking care of that... you're way too comfortable to do anything about it"
that's basically what she pointed out... just, with much more care, lmao
anyway... a couple of days later, I did quit college, I left my parents place... and then I just went out there to get and put my shit together, lol and actually DO SOMETHING to lead myself to the person I wanted to be and leading the life I wanted to live, too
Hell yea! Sometimes when it seems like things are just dandy the universe can smack us upside the head showing the reality of things. Its for the better though.
You deserve a longer answer, but I got things to do...
1. Work isn't meant to be fun. Suck it up. Or move. Either way. Money isn't everything. Being poor sucks but basically if you are earning an average full-time wage then more money isn't going to make you much happier. Don't stress about work, just do whatever feels right.
2. Relationships are meant to be fun. If you feel alone when you are 26, how are you going to feel with this person when you are 46? Or when you are 66 and the sex has run out? If you did have children with this person, how freakin' isolated would you feel then? Life is too short. Move on.
3. Do what you want to do now, not what your 16 year old wanted to do. If that's still starting a band, then start a band. If it's changed, don't beat yourself up because you have grown.
You definitely got good points here. Work wise im sticking around till i could potentially have something better pop up. Relationship wise, I've thought of that exact thing. And i think i know deep down how i should handle it it just sucks when you got "what ifs" in your head. What i wanna do is the same as it was a long time ago really. I need to do better with discipline on that for sure.
When you make life choices based purely on avoiding regret, you end up miserable either way. I have always tended to jump into the deep end and hope for the best.
I know my advice is no help for you, but everyone deals with situations differently.
It still helps because i am able to see another person's perspective on things. Its true that everyone deals differently and i think with me its just a fear of uncertainty
okay. you are experiencing something real even though others may doubt it. It sounds like you are just drifting through life. You had goals but not the discipline to reach them. If you have goals, decide if they are doable and try to make them happen. It is not easy.
Your relationship is important to you but you have issues with marriage and kids. You need to address that too.
A famous guy (me) once said "The later it gets, the later it gets."
Ill follow what the famous guy says haha
@TheRagingMetalhead I actually looked up your old username and we did interact a couple of times. I just forgot I guess.
No worries!
I'll let you know once I figure it out myself lol. I'm staring down the barrel of 32. Last year I swear I was only 22.
I mean life is fine and all but I'm painfully single and I still have no clue what kind of career I want to do.
On top of that, I got no Idea why I'm still poking around on this dumbass app lol.
Time fuckin flies! Dont worry im wondering why the hell im back poking around on here too lol.
Well at least we're all aimless together lol
I wrote a mytake on mine a few years ago if you wanna check it out:
My-Still-Alives-Midlife crisis and how I survived it and became a more confident person.
After reading through your question though one thing i recommend for you is to realize life is not a race, you will get the things you want eventually even if it takes you longer than you wanted. just as long as you never give up at it. I'm a bit of a late bloomer myself, just go at your own pace.
Try taking vitamin C supplements to help your lungs, save as much as you can and stealth search for something better, while giving a strong effort (or at least make it look like you're giving a strong effort) in the meantime.
I haven’t experienced that yet, but I can tell you’re in crisis. I hope you find someone who can empathize with you and give you good advice.
you have a good job and a boyfriend and you're complaining like you have real problems. . get a life
At 26 it's a third, not a quarter.
Close enough i guess lol
I have not felt something similar