Why do I suck at consoling people?

[shadysworld]

Like I don't know what to say or do when someone is crying. I'm normally not a touchy feely person so it just feels awkward to give a hug or something as weird as that sounds.

[Anonymous]

I'm the same way; I find it very difficult to do the whole "touchy-feely" deal that a lot of people do, such as hugs, rubbing someone's back, etc etc, and I even find it hard saying things like, "it's going to be okay." I am, however, pretty good at just listening and offering my advice/input. I'll help people sort their problems out and add my advice, and I've been told that that's very helpful, but I'm total sh*te at actually being directly consoling and going down to the basics, such as saying that everything's going to be okay. When someone cries, I kind of just awkwardly sit there and try to grasp for words to say, but usually end up at a blank!

[shadysworld]

exactly I'm a good listener too, but yesterday my roommate was crying and I just didn't know what to say. I just feel like I should be able to do more.

[jmr2191]

You're putting too much logic into it. Consoling is about emotion- sympathy/empathy, compassion, etc. you don't have to be touchy-feely. You know how you feel when a family member does of you have a feeling of hopelessness? Act like you're consoling yourself trying to get yourself through a worst-case scenario.

[SilentEarth]

Sometimes you don't need to be all touchy feely. It doesn't necessarily have to mean holding them/hugging them either. You can just as easily rub their back or shoulder. Reassure them things will look up, offer advice if need be, offer your condolences for their loss, things of that nature.

[iwish46]

I'm the same way. I don't know why. I guess I feel that no matter what I'd do, it's not like I really know what they are going through and couldn't really help them.

[MyNameIsJonas]

Don't over think it. Its hard consoling others for just about everyone... All you can do is let them know you care and that you are there for them.

[Anonymous]

Even though you will most likely dispute this you were not held much as a child and or your parents were not too emotional as people.

[shadysworld]

I actually think that's a valid reason, I think it could relate to my parents, they never really showed their emotion that much when growing up.

[Opinion Owner]

When you have kids tell me how you are with them