Boyfriend is touchy with his female friend?

[Anonymous]

Hi,

My boyfriend has been friends with this girl forever and I get jealous when he touches her. He'll absentmindedly put his hand on her leg sometimes or walk with his arm around her or accidentally call her babe instead of me. He does all those things with me too, but the fact that he does them with her makes me jealous. I told him it bothered me and he told me I was too insecure. Help?

[SavageTapioca]

You'll have to excuse me ma'am, I seem to have a Freudian Slip lodged in my ear. I could have sworn you said he called her "babe".

But this can't possibly be true, as you make no mention of doing him swift bodily harm, as any reasonable person might in your situation!
::Pause for laughs::

Seriously, though, you might have a problem...

A couple of things might be happening.

He may have some feelings for this girl, but is unaware / in denial, and all his brain knows is he enjoys contact with her, even if he doesn't consciously understand why. Unfortunately, that is your best-case scenario.

I'll spare you the worst case...

Either way, you two need to talk. You have told him you are uncomfortable with his behavior, and seems to have brushed it aside.

We (Males of Earth) are, by and large, not good with subtlety. Please ensure that he understands that you need to talk about Something Very Important. Tell him again, calmly, how his behavior makes you feel, think, fear, suspect, other verbs.

And when you talk to him, be prepared to hear the answer.

Good Luck. You may need it.

[Asker]

it was in a conversation with the three of us ages ago and he called her babe by mistake since he'd been calling me that. I don't know.

[SavageTapioca]

But it bothered you enough to bring it up again, "ages" later. It seems it might not be put to rest yet. I think KBob93's question is an excellent one, the answer could shed a lot of light on things.

[parkway]

You have little reason to be jealous because you caused the problem.

Your guy does not respect you, plain and simple.

If you were my sister and he was rubbing on another woman, I would slap the taste out of his mouth and he would be picking himself up off the ground. If he does not respect you in your presence he is not a man. The fact that the friend lets him rub on her says much about her.

Dump him.

[Asker]

how exactly did I cause the problem?

[BeauSuave]

I personally find it disrespectful to be that physical when you are in a relationship with someone. He is trying to ruin your self esteem for calling you insecure. Obviously this guy is not treating you well. You obviously tried to communicate with him and he acted ill-mannered towards you. I think you should leave him. What is the sense of talking it out, if he still disrespects you. He truly does not care for you or your feelings. I think we both know that your intuition is telling you something and you are ignoring it. This situation is not about jealousy, but your sense telling you something.

[KBob93]

Do they have a romantic history? Either way, you feel peripheral with her around, & given they're so close, it might be essential to contemplate who's really bae ( before anyone else) at the end of the day, regardless of their platonic connection.

[Asker]

No they don't. She has TONS of past partners and is sort of a shady person. She's cheated on a boyfriend with his best friend and then started dating the friend. etc. I come first at the end of the day, but I resent being treated equally in terms of affection when we're all together.

[msg812]

you are right for being jealous. i think a man shouldn't do that kind of behaviours in front of his girl friend. find a guy friend and be touchy with him as he's touchy with his that female friend and if he tell you this bothers him. tell him you are so insecure.