10 years ago there was a story about a leading tech expert named, James Kim, who sacrificed his life trying to save his family.
The Kim family were snow bound after coming back from a Thanksgiving dinner in Washington. Trapped heavily in snow, Mr. Kim James Kim left his family to look for help, wearing tennis shoes, a jacket, and light clothing. He believed the nearest town (Galice) was located four miles away after studying a map with his wife He promised his wife he would turn back the same day if he failed to find anyone, but he did not return.
The Oregon Army National Guard and several helicopters hired by Mr. Kim's father, Spencer Kim, spent several days looking for the family along area highways and roads, to no avail. On the afternoon of December 4, John Rachor, a local helicopter pilot unaffiliated with any formal search effort, spotted Mrs. Kim and her two daughters walking on a remote road. After he radioed the family's position to authorities, the three were airlifted out of the area and transferred to a nearby hospital.
Officials continued to search for Mr. Kim, at one point finding clothing that he had discarded. Optimistic Oregon officials stated, "These were placed with our belief that little signs are being left by James for anyone that may be trying to find him so that they can continue into the area that he's continuing to move in.
On Wednesday, December 6 at 12:03 p. m., Mr. Kim's body was found in Big Windy Creek. Lying on his back in one to two feet of icy water, he was fully clothed and had been carrying a backpack which contained his identification documents, among other miscellaneous items. He had walked about 16.2 miles (26 km) from the car to that point, and was only a mile from Black Bar Lodge, which, although closed for the winter, was fully stocked at the time.
Kati Kim, (Mrs. Kim), remarried 7 years later.
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People who remarry after their spouse dies. Do you think they truly love their spouse?
It is not a matter of respecting the feelings of the deceased. It is a matter of others having respect for the feelings of the survivors.
You love your spouse and you have a happy life and then tragedy strikes. You mourn their loss and you are devastated. The rest of the world continues about its business and you have a choice: either retreat into never-ending grief and despair or continue with your life. If you have small children, they obviously need their life to be returned to normal as much as is possible. So you move on.
If you are in a relationship and in love, sometimes things don't work and you break up. If you start dating again, eventually, does that mean that you didn't love your ex? Of course not. That person will always have a place in your heart but you move forward and, hopefully, you find someone else and you fall in love. Even after you are in love with someone new, you still have fond memories of your former love.
When your spouse died, you don't need to stop loving them to move forward with life. Most people, if told that they were going to die, would tell their spouse to eventually find someone else. They would not want you to be alone for the rest of your life. That would just be selfishness on their part. When someone truly loves you, your motivations are not that selfish.
It really depends on the couple, but here is how I feel about the situation.
"either retreat into never-ending grief and despair or continue with your life." -To be honest that is a false choice fallacy, but I think you are simply trying to express a point rather than trying to make a fallacy. You can "continue your life" without remarrying or retreating into never-ending grief of despair. As someone who has lost many loved ones as many of us have, more often than not the pain never leaves, what happens is that you become stronger, then you can smile again. We all also deal with sorrow differently at times, but those are absolutely not the only 2 choices.
"sometimes things don't work and you break up. " -I would not compare a spouse dying in any way, shape, or form to breaking up. Death is not divorce or breakup, especially not for many religious individuals.
"you don't need to stop loving them to move forward with life -Yes actually you do in this context, it would be impossible to remarry otherwise, the bond breaks for good when remarried, not in death. This however is the person's choice, reunite one day with your spouse if you believe in an afterlife, or break the bond and replace them with someone new which may or may not fill whatever void is left. But we cannot oversimplify such a tragedy and pretend it's wholesome situation in which everything is good and beautiful, because the reality is that it's not, and it is never an easy decision for anyone who goes through it regardless of what they choose.
"They would not want you to be alone for the rest of your life. " -This is another false choice issue I feel, you do not need to be "alone" for the rest of your life if you don't remarry, people have friends and family, some people have had their happily ever after and find completeness in their bond with their spouse, and hope to reunite one day, having waited for them once again proving how strong their love indeed was (is) while others do not, they break their bond and find someone else as is their right to choose as one can leave their spouse alive now and do so, but remarrying is not necessary to be complete when you have already been completed by your spouse. This again depends on the couple's bond before death and the person's decision, a stronger love would mean less likely hood of remarrying, this is the reality, this is also why it depends on the couple, for some people, they were not enough, but that must also be respected.
"That would just be selfishness on their part. " -Without a doubt love IS by its very nature selfish, and love is also selfless, of absolutely most people, no one wants their spouse to be with anyone else, ever, and no one likes to think that they are like others in which their bond is not strong enough that your spouse will remarry after death breaking that bond forever, but there are also people like as you said, would want them to move on regardless, self-sacrifice is part of love, but these two things are not mutually exclusive, let us not pretend that it is black and white or wholesome, it is a tragedy, it is spiritual cuckoldry to the soul, nobody wants this situation, it may even be considered far worse than death itself.
"When someone truly loves you, your motivations are not that selfish." -One could also say that if someone truly loves you, they would not remarry, but then you would have to ask what "truly loves" means to them I think, not all bonds are as deep, not all marriages were as strong. I personally don't think they "truly" love them, or rather, I don't think their bond was as strong, but it could also be individuals who don't believe in an afterlife, or have no hope of reuniting with their spouse. I don't believe in atheist-oriented world-views, but in that aspect I also respect their views and decisions either way. I would certainly not remarry, I did not. These are just my feelings it's a hard subject for a lot of us for sure.
In the animal kingdom when some animalsloved ones they tend to not find another mate and they actual remain depressed/feel bad for the rest of their life. It's kind of sad that humans try to rationalize why it's ok to get over a person you loved and hop into bed with another.
Even if they didn't die... If you leave your partner and then later find Someone else, it doesn't mean you didn't love ther other person. It's just life! And just the same, just because many people stay together for a loooong time or even forever , it's not always because they love each other.
Every case is different.. So it really depends.. You can't just say yes or no in general. For the most part, however, those who truly love someone and lose them either because of death or simply unfortunate circumstances where things don't turn out well, and must separate, ... these people tend to take a longer significant amount of time to allow themselves to let anyone else into their life romantically.
And others who never get with anyone else, I wouldn't say it's ONLY because they must have loved their spouse tooooo profoundly or TOOO much... I don think so... I'm not saying some don't... But for some, I believe it's just laziness.. Because it takes effort to get someone else attention.. The dating world is actually work, and some are too lazy for this type of thing.. Especially of they are older when they lose their SO.
I think people who remarry love their spouse. Unfortunately their spouse didn't get a chance to keep their life going with that other person. Nothing that the remaining person can do. People get lonely, people seek companionship. Their lives are still going. The need for companionship doesn't die the minute you marry. Some people do not like to be alone. So I don't see why that would have anything to do with their old relationship.
I don't think it means anything when a person remarries. I just see it as a natural progression. They have their mourning period, but then reality hits and they realize that they are by themselves. Perhaps they get lonely or they meet someone and the relationship makes them happy.
I can't speak for anyone but myself, but... I'd never date or marry again. Fuck no. Not a chance in sweet hell.
We actually took "Till death do us part" out of our wedding vows. Because death is WAY too weak to do us part. I'll be faithful until my last breath... even if that's 50 years after he goes.
Even against mere *memories* of my man... there's no way any other man could possibly compete.
I feel that means your bond was (is) stronger than those who remarry. Death is not divorce. Your husband is very lucky, and because of this you will surely see him in the afterlife, I don't know if you believe in that but I do. I wish you happiness.
I think someone who remarries truly loves their spouse, but I don't think they ever stop loving them. Mrs Kim lost a man who literally sacrificed himself for his family, and it took years to find another husband. I'm not in her mind, but I think it took so long because of grief and because she had high expectations from a man.
If someone remarried immediately I would be concerned. Everyone’s different I’ve never lost a spouse I can’t tell you what I would do. I know people who have and yes I believe they genuinely did love their husband or wife.
Honestly most people (who aren’t dark personalities that is) don’t generally think about what they would do after someone dies. Maybe into older age. Maybe these conversations happen that are tough. But people just don’t. I know people who had options to remarry and never did.
There are people who say that about the survivors…. And I’ve heard this. That husbands and wives especially those who are fighting for their life. Will say or pray that. If they die before their wife or husband. That they will find someone who loves them just as much as they do. It’s just….. it’s hard to imagine life without someone you’re married to if you genuinely love them. It takes time.
He wanted them to be safe and sound, comfortable and happy as well right? It was the reason that he left. So why no she does not get married and be a widow at a very young age? She already mourned for 7 years, what else can she do?
She has her needs, and she wants a person who could be a good father figure for her kids. Nothing wrong with it.
Hmm yes I really do. We're lucky enough to fall inlove once, however if it does happen again I would take the chance. Yes the death is extremely unfortunate and I would be grieving but I can't live my whole life in that position, I would miss them all the time but I would want to live my life again.
Sure, why not? You're dead, why do you care? Why don't you want them to be happy and move on with their life? What part of marriage says your spouse has to be alone for the rest of their life if you die? Stop being so selfish.
Not remarrying does not equal being alone for the rest of their life, people have family and friends usually. Love is also selfish and that is ok, love is also selfless. Perhaps you have never experienced a bond that strong, or you don't believe in an afterlife, but that seem slike an oversimplification of a very tragic issue.
It depends since we don't know what the two people's relationship was before detah, but let me tell you how I feel. I believe in the afterlife, I would personally not remarry, death does not equal divorce. Yes, a person can choose to re marry, but do so with the fact that you are likely breaking your bond with your spouse, eternally, and if they were looking at you from beyond, they surely would not then as that would be cruel, nor should you expect to reunite with them after death after the bond had been severed, not by death, but by remarrying.
That is still, your choice, and you should not be shamed, but we should not pretend it is a wholesome decision either, it is inevitably a difficult choice some people make. Love is selfish and love is selfless, and that is ok. Moving on does not mean forgetting, or remarrying, some people already had their happily ever after and live on with the hope of reuniting with their spouse.
I believe yes, they truly loved their spouse. They loved them enough to move on and be happy. Rather than falling into a pit of despair and mourning their spouse's death for the remainder of their life.
But on the other hand, if I married my SO, then I died, I wouldn't want him to remarry xD Cause I'm selfish even in death huehue
This concept is confusing to me. If they can move on from a spouses death (not saying it's bad) I wonder what would have happened if they never had met that spouse. How their life would be different.
I'm not answering your question, I know lol, but this kind of thing has crossed my mind before
If they started a relationship with someone else the minute their spouse died, then sure, I'd question their feelings. But otherwise, no. You have the right to go on with your life and continue to seek happiness; that's not disrespectful.
@BubbleBoy69 She already picked him when she broke her bond with you. This is not a wholesome or black and white situation like many people believe. Not to be mean, but a lot of responses here are copium, but when such emotionally fueled difficult topics arise that is common.
My mum never even dated after my dad died. wasn't interested in anybody else. Said he was the only man for her. she's loyal to him even though he's a long time dead
I knew only teen can post suck kind of question. 1. Love is great but it won't feed you food 2. She have kids, she needed someone to get through this to help her kids get normal life. 3. What if the man she married is also widow? Can't they support each other?
Not really, age has nothing to do with the question, many adults wrestle with this deep down, and infact your reasons from 1 to 3 oversimplify a very difficult issue that transcends just material needs, it's something not just physical, but mental and spiritual. None of those need remarrying to resolve, none. If a person wants to divorce their dead partner and remarry, that is their choice, but let's not pretend it's simple or dismiss the person who asks that question by stating it could only have come from a teen. It's ok to have YOUR opinion, ofcourse, but you never know what people have gone through regardless of age.
Why should someone stay alone for the rest of their life? It doesn't show how much or how little someone loves someone if they choose to remarry years later.
Yes. If my spouse dies, I'll grieve over her for a while and then move on. I can't be grumpy and mournful all the time. I'll be okay, but her spirit will always be there in my heart!
personally id rather just be alone for the rest of my life if that ever happens. would probably be to depressing to even think about loving anyone more than whoever he ends up being
It's sad but it's not like it ain't possible to be in love with more and one person at once. We all have the capacity to fall for someone else while taken, just we usually don't let it get that far.
Yes people who remarry after a spouse dies do love their spouse. However, life goes on with or without us. Nothing says that widows/widowers can't be happy.
If she's attractive, why not? She is too young to be single and pining for a dead love
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Yes they love their spouse. So in order to love their spouse after they die they are supposed to not see anyone? Wouldn't a person want their spouse to move on if they died?
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
No, you can only have one true love in your life. In my family people who have their spouses die never get married or in a relationship
If that were to happen to me I don't think I'd ever re marry , but sometimes people feel the need to marry again, in my opinion I don't think they loved that much
There are people who actually take that part out, since death does not equal divorce or breakup, those people actually take marriage significantly more seriously, when such serious consideration is taken on such a strong bond. That may be the type of bond that is sufficient for you, but those in society who see otherwise do not get to set restrictions on how much you should love your spouse.
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