Relationship status help?

[Anonymous]

I know this is really lame but he broke up with me over a week ago but hasn't changed his relationship status from being in a relationship with me on Facebook and I know he's been online. I haven't changed mine either because I want him to do it, childish I know, but to cut a long story short he broke up with me because of our LDR saying he can't do the distance with us both working the whole time with little time to see each other, even though he said he didn't want to (and couldn't actually say its over between us) and he still loved me blah blah. I mean I still love him but I know things can't work properly between us now. Should I just man up and change mine to single or hide it or something?

[Artemisia]

I had the same situation as you several months ago. The guy I was seeing had difficulty returning my things, changing his status, etc. The thing was that he still wanted the comfort of having me there, while no longer being in a relationship with me. The whole "let's still be friends" deal. He broke my heart, but then for me to do what was necessary for me to move on I had to break my own heart, by changing my status and letting him know I couldn't communicate with him anymore. It made healing and moving on so much easier after taking those difficult steps. It's like when you break a bone, but the doctor has to break it again to set it correctly so it will heal well.

The summary of my advice is that you need to do what's best for you (note that this may not be what you want). If I were you I would not only change my status, but also unfriend him for the time being. It is destructive to both of you to see what is going on in each others' lives while you are trying to heal. If later in life you can become friends again, at that point you can re-friend him.

[jtsimram]

Great answer

[Asker]

Thanks for the comments. I've told him that we shouldn't speak for a little while so that I can get over him. I explained more in my comments above

[Artemisia]

That's difficult that you are seeing him soon. I definitely wouldn't contact him before hand. As for the status on Facebook, it's up to you, but if you change it now then you can see how he reacts when you see him and that might be a good chance to work through those feelings. The hardest part for me was not contacting him because he was one of my best friends as well. It was awful, but if it makes you feel better, things do get easier and better.

[Asker]

I completely agree about the no contact thing. It is the hardest part because he was also one of my best friends as well and everything reminds me of him because we shared so much and had so much in common. And I always get these urges to contact him because something happened which I'd normally tell him about or that I know would make him laugh. Its driving me insane. But thanks for your advice, things are already getting easier. Plus I don't see it a bad thing I'm seeing him soon because he

[Asker]

Broke up with me over the phone (long distance), so in a way this could be the complete closure I need. I'm just gonna smile and be his friend because I genuinely think I can handle that, even if I just act like it just for that one weekend.

[Louise123]

The excuse he used to break up seems lame to me. Maybe he's looking for an excuse to date other women and never got around to changing status. Guys aren't all that aware sometimes.. And like the other poster said " You are looking for ANY sign that he wants you back".. Just think a minute as to why you would WANT him back? I would fix your status, pronto - let him eat your dust - brush yourself off and get out there when you get your confidence back. I would not even consider going back to a guy who dumped me like that. He's kind of shallow. You deserve better. GOOD LUCK!

[Mastermind]

Change it why should you wait for him to do it? Maybe he wants you to beg him but don't fall that low. Change it and move on. And don't care that much about things on fb...

[jimi_s]

First of all, I would like to say: "Sorry it happens to you!" I know it is painful! I know that you are scraping for clue, any clue, that he will come back to you. I know because when a girl dumped me I was in the same position. Lame? Absolutely not! There is nothing lame about being in love. Sure I can offer you some kind of amateural diagnostic from afar, i.e., the unknown world of interweb but I am not gonna. There are plenty of people to that will do that. All I am offering you is my sympathy. I am in the same boat as yours (I am the one with the tan crew shirt with green sleeves - Just kidding!)

I hope you make it out alright!

[Alaskaman]

if you are hung on this... try communicating with him.

if you are over this, move on.

sounds like you are not convinced things can't work properly between you now and you need a reason to pause before completely severing with him.

just fess up to him and talk it over... and then admit to yourself what that answer really is.

[ottke303]

a) either he wants that to stay that way to keep other guys away (because once you go to being single on there you gunna get a lot of attention) while he figures out if he wants to be in a relationship or not or

B) he still wants to be with you, just fearing the result of letting you go.

just talk to him. maybe he is waiting for you to call

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer. After we broke up I emailed asking for the truth about everything. He said he still loves me but chances of the relationship working is slim. Its long distance (since after uni), we're both working a lot of the time to save up to go away separately for months next year. I replied saying a few things but mainly: we shouldn't talk for a while, I need to get over you maybe until this next weekend. I'll be seeing him then because a group of us are meeting up for the weekend.

[Asker]

I don't know whether to leave it till then? Like not contact him before unless he contacts me? And leave the status thing unless her changes his?

[Asker]

I didn't explain that last bit so great. I don't mean ever change it unless he changes his. I mean till after the weekend?

[Anonymous]

Hmm maybe hide it? Because he is the one who did the breaking up, maybe he doesn't want to hurt you anymore right away by changing it. Maybe he wants you to do it.. If you still talk to him you could ask him about it but if not, I think it would be best to just change it yourself or hide it. I'm sorry because I know this isn't easy for you. Good luck and stay strong!

[Dan2287]

Too many people rely on facebook for this kind of crap. Just change it to single and move on. Who cares what his status is, I mean really...

[cutekid]

Inside yourself,u know you still love him but things cnt workout properly,just let him knw how you feel about him and he doesn't show any feelings,then go ahead with your life

[Asker]

Thanks for the answer, the comments I wrote above explain the situation a little better

[flower1000]

hes still in the thinking mode about you he's not ready to change it yet it sound like he's thinking about your feelings you might notice this he's not quick to do it

[emzy-89]

just grow up, change your status and move on, people living their lives through fb is ridiculous, I hate it when people say "oh it's on fb so it must be official" it's ridiculous.

[Xenophobia]

Don't live your life through facebook. You'll only let technology get in your way of living life to the fullest.

[pumpkinspice]

Change it to single, because you ARE single now. Just accept the fact and move on.

[Asker]

I know this, and I know there is no way things could work out right now between us, so this is for the best. But I don't get why he left his that way I guess.

[pumpkinspice]

I don't know either. Maybe he is not ready to face the fact that he is single again now. Maybe he doesn't want to make it public that he is single again with a bunch of girls on his page coming on to him. My best friend just got dumped by her boyfriend of 4 years and she is devastated right now. However, he still has it as "in a relationship" on his facebook status and she has it still as "in a relationship" on her status too.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend still hasn't changed his to "In a relationship" and I only did because my friends wouldn't stop bugging me. Some people just don't really pay attention to that stuff, that's the only reason I didn't, just forgot.

[darkknight1x]

Don't you mean woman up? You should hide the status.

[TwistedLogic]

Haha, excellent !!

[Anonymous]

You guys broke up. He just hasn't changed his info. He'll get around to it eventually. I wouldn't read into it, it sounds over.