Ladies, how long until you expect a proposal?

[Wlad14]

HOw long till you expect for him to pop the question? How soon a would you want to get married?

[selfishstars]

Honestly, I've been in two long-term relationships. The first lasting five years, and my current relationship (four years). You still learn things about your partner all the time, even after being together for that long. It makes me think that people who get engaged/married after only a year or so are crazy. I don't see a problem with dating someone for a long time before deciding to get married. I don't think marriage means you love the person more or you're more committed to them (I love and am committed to my partner just as much if we're not married as if we were). Further, I don't see how you can judge whether or not you're going to want to spend the next 30, 40, 50, whatever years with a person based on your experience with them in, say, one year.

I'm also very for living with someone before marrying them. From my own experience and the experience of most of my friends, most of the arguing you'll do in your relationship is when you first move in with someone. It's very different dating someone compared to living with them. You see them every day, at their best and worst, and you may have very different views on how you should spend your free time, how clean you expect things to be, who does what job in the household, how finances should be managed, etc. It seems like little things, but they're still important and can cause a lot of disagreement between people. Living together before marriage is like a trial run to see if you'll be able to stand living with each other for "the rest of your life".

I've never "expected" someone to propose to me by a certain time. I think it depends on the individuals involved and their relationship with each other. I don't think a proposal should ever be a surprise---my partner and I talked about marriage (sometimes serious, sometimes just for fun) for the past couple years, but just recently got engaged. Sure, a proposal is romantic, but it's also a serious commitment you're making with each other, so I think it's something that you should talk about a fair bit before jumping into it.

[Wlad14]

Well said , I do to beleive in living together before getting married. reason I asked this question , is because I overherad someone say that she is thinking of dumping her boyfriend, because its been 15 years and he hasn't proposed. How would you have felt after 15 years?

[selfishstars]

Well, the problem isn't necessarily with the particular relationship or the people in that relationship, it's with society's views on marriage. Marriage is seen as the norm. People feel like they HAVE to get married by a certain age or after being with someone for a certain length of time. If they don't, they either view it as a personal shortcoming (there's something wrong with me that someone doesn't want to marry me/i haven't found someone to marry yet), a problem with their relationship, or

[selfishstars]

Or a problem with the other person (i.e. they don't really love me, they're afraid of commitment, etc.). The thing is, marriage does not mean that you love someone more or that you're more committed to them if you marry them. Some people stay together for years and years and never get married, they're still incredibly in love and completely committed to each other. Other people get married, either for reasons other than love, or are unfaithful during their marriage.

[selfishstars]

Marriage is nice, but not necessary, in my opinion, because of that reason. To me, you can make a "promise" (which is essentially what marriage is) to each other whether you have a formal marriage or not. In my opinion, getting married is just a way to make that promise publically, so you can say to your loved ones, "We're making this promise to each other and we want you to support us in it" and the people who attend your marriage are witnesses who are in essense saying, "We support you in this

[selfishstars]

Promise you're making and will be there for you to help you keep it."

If I was with someone for a long period of time (15 years, whatever), and they hadn't talked to me about marriage or told me that they didn't want to get married, of course I would want to talk to them about it. To find out what marriage means to them and their reasoning for not wanting to get married, but I certainly wouldn't end an otherwise good relationship just because marriage was likely not going to be in our future.

[saphirasilverwings]

I think it depends on a lot of things... age maybe is a big one... and every relationship is different. I've been with my boyfriend for three months and we're already talking about marriage a bit (he brought it up) and I know that he wants to marry me (or at least so far he thinks he does :p I'm aware that it's a little soon). But we're young, so it'll obviously be a while before we consider actually doing it.

If I was of an age to get married, I would probably expect a proposal after two or three years. If he hadn't even mentioned marriage after more than three years, I would probably assume that he wasn't interested in getting married. (Which wouldn't necessarily be a problem for me.)

I think it's probably a good idea to be with someone for at least a year and a half, maybe two, before marrying them. So I wouldn't be waiting with baited breath for him to propose from the moment we became an official couple. However, after a year or two I would definitely want to know how he felt about marriage and whether or not he planned to incorporate it into his future at all.

But it's one of those things that is different for everybody, and I've never actually been in that situation... do what feels right to you.

[Anonymous]

it depends on age I believe, some people have other priorities in life as well like finishing up school and working on their career, and they make it clear to the boyfriend/girlfriend that they need some time...

ive known some girls though who secretly want the ring asap, and wanna make things official, women love committment usually, but they don't wanna seem pushy or clingy or anything and they will wait it out years and years for the guy to FINALLY pop the question. for the guy its probably a dramatic change and next big step in life to propose, but for the girl, its something she thinks of everyday and has been dreaming of ever since she was little. Its kind of scary too if you think about it, like couples who are in serious relationships or are even moved in together, but not engaged, isn't it awful to have that thought in the back of your head that there is technically a chance it won't work out and he just may never pop the question? there is always a fear of the other partner wanting to leave ya know...?

[sousamagic]

Just so you know, scientific studies have shown living together before marriage increases divorce rate by a statistically significant amount.

[Crimson_Petal]

I don't think there is any set time. Yes the average time before engagement is 18 months( I tend to think that's too short but it depends on the place you both are in your lives, experience...loads of stuff). I'm twenty, I want to have children by the end of my twenties and I want to be married before I have the above children but I would never get married before I finish university in 4 years, so I'm hoping that it won't be too much longer than six years...

I'm a bit messed up apparently..lol.

[Honest_Kayla]

Okay so I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years come October 6th. I would marry him in a heartbeat and so would he, the thing is our age. Age factors a lot into marriage. He wants to wait until one of us graduates before marriage. I agree with that, but not as strongly as he does. We are both freshman in College but he has college credits and it is possible for him to graduate in three years. So if we are still together around that time then I expect a proposal a couple months before he graduates. This is because we are Catholic and there is like "counseling" for lack of better world that takes like 4ish -6ish months. Not really sure though.

[Loveinwonderland]

There is no set time limit for wanting him to pop the question. It happens when it happens. If a woman is pressuring a man to propose then maybe she's not the right woman for him. The right woman would not put a man she really loved in that situation.

[Brentley]

It depends on the girl and the guy. I mean, I don't know if I will ever want to get married, so if it feels right to you, then do it. DON'T get married because you feel like you have to, that will just have disastrous results. And don't get married because you think she's expecting you to propose. Pop the question when you feel that you are in love with this person, and honestly don't want to spend your life without them.

[Brentley]

I forgot to add, the standard is about two years. So if I were you, I would wait until I really know that person, but to fully answer, two years.

[Michelle276]

It definitely depends on age,income,maturity.Everything. It also varies with the girl.Some want to get married right out of highschool,and others never want it. Just gotta drop hints and see her responses.Or be straight forward with it. Generally, a lot of girls are fairly excited about being proposed to.

[ddjenn]

I think every relationship is different and you can't put a set time on it. If you love each other and no beyond a shodow of doubt that you are with the one you want to spend the rest of your life with then yes GO FOR IT! remember there will be hard times and there will be a lot of great time.. Just know the divorce is up past 50% and that is sad..

[half-pint]

two years is long enough to find out all you need to know...if you're not sure after that then you're unsure of the person you're with. Most successful marriages are people who were SURE that this person was the one! Most of them were sure until "it was time to pop the question"...if you're unsure but you think it's about time to pop the question cause that's what she wants...DON'T DO IT!

[SnowAngel01]

I don't EXPECT anything. If a man wants to marry me, he'll propose. If not, I'm not going to push him into it with my expectations pointing to a calendar.. LOL Just saying, when and if he's ready, he will.

[Anonymous]

Well, it kinda depends on how old you are, so yeah how old are you both? I would say you would have had to have lived to together and know each very well. You often say I love you and know the reply. You should also know whether it's right or not , like you'll know the answer will be yes, 'it's not something you have to think about for ages'. If there are any doubts then don't do it, you must be sure.

[human_condition]

At least 2 years LIVING TOGETHER. You can never really know a person's potential to annoy you until you've lived with them.

[Wlad14]

Yup I agree with you. but is it 2 years of living together to get engaed or married?

[human_condition]

2 years before I'd say yes if he popped the question :)

But then I'd have no problem with setting a date soon after that.

[Anonymous]

it depends the age and circumstances. if I was dating someone at 16 I would wait until we were 24... if I was dating someone at 24 I would want it to be about 3 months... lol that's how it was with me.

[Wlad14]

Do you think 3 months is enough to know for sure what you want to be with that person for life?

[Opinion Owner]

I actually knew my boyfriend at age 12 (we went to elementary school together). we remet and dated at 24, and thought we knew each other. we talked a lot on the phone and skype and also wrote tons and tons of letters each day to tell each other we loved and cared for each other. then we got married a few months later. I guess it depends on quality time you spend> and how much you feel you know the person

[Anonymous]

It depends. Timing is everything. Not necessarily meaning a romantic proposal at a certain time. I mean if you used to be friends for a long time then meet back up and are together for six months, that's long enough. Or maybe you have some things in the way. Like I said it depends, but if you don't propose after 4 years, that's WWWWAAAAYYYY too long. Bye bye boy.

[anonymous17]

I wouldn't really want to get married if we were dating less than 2 years but also I would not want to wait forever. anything past 6 years then I would be like OK wats going on lol

[ThatNikkiGirl]

Heck, if me and the lovely boyfriend didn't have so many obligations and I had met his parents already, I would elope right now haha.

[Anonymous]

wow, that question has never popped into my head...ever. too young to worry about marriage

but I imagine, if I was older , I would expect it around the 1.5 years mark

[shyseximilf]

Well in my case we got engaged withing 2 weeks of living together and have been together for just about 4 years still no wedding date kinda like it that way

[Wlad14]

Thats fair. How long your're willing to stay engaged?

[shyseximilf]

1 more year and if we haven't set a date for the wedding then we aren't engaged we are back to dating, I think a 5 year engagment without a date set is more then enough time.