Is it a red flag to talk about the possibility of a break up in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

So im in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend talked about the possibility of us breaking up one day in the future. Just a possibility really. The future is so uncertain. And the time it would take to close the distance thats also a factor too.

I reacted pretty badly too this 'possibility' of a break up. I just felt so hurt that he could even think like this when im just unable to even think of it :((

Am i over reacting?

[genericname85]

no. i think it is a red flag if you think you can't talk about certain things. you're setting your relationship up to failure, if you make your boyfriend feels like there's certain feelings he can't share with you.

this is of course not to say that you're not allowed to feel hurt. because that obviously does make you feel bad and you can tell him it makes you feel bad.

but you should be able to have a conversation even about that. even if it hurts you. that#s shit you need to be able to deal with in order to have a relationship.

[Asker]

Im really bad at such conversations. And i just dont understand why that needs to be the topic of our conversation. I can't think of that possibility at all.

[genericname85]

who expects you to be good at such conversations? you are allowed to have your flaws aren't you? xD

if that is something that is on his mind and he feels like talking about it with you, i thnik that this is reason enough for you to accept that it must be talked about, cause i feel like you do not want your boyfriend to break up. so you need to work out the reasons why he's thinking about breakup, even if it's just theoretical.

maybe it's easier for you, if you accept that he "could" break up but well he's still bringing this up, so he still considers you his partner that he can work together with to fix problems in your relationships and that is in my opinion a very good sign.

[genericname85]

so keep being the partner he can talk about those things with, that way you reduce your risk of him actually breaking up.

[darthtayto]

Yes, it is in a way a red flag. It kinda shows him as not 100% committed to the relationship. It's possible he is finding the distance hard. Or from not being together as much as you would if you lived closer, his heart my not be in it as much. He is keeping his opinions open.
It can put doubt in your own head which then can make you overreact. You don't have to apologize for that.

Nothing may come off it from him, be and you end you being together and in love, but I can see why you'd be hurt.

[Littletwink]

Long distance relationships are always tricky. There is always a possibility of breaking up. I don't think you're over reacting, you love him so it's not difficult to understand that you got hurt.
Meanwhile it looks like your boyfriend is considering all the possibilities that may occur.
Does he ever talk about you and him being together?
Why is your future so uncertain? How much time would it take you two to get together?

[Asker]

He talks about being together one day often. Its just recently he talked about this possibility.
It would take 4 years until we eventually meet

[Littletwink]

Wow! that's a lot of time. I can now better understand what he's trying to say. 4 years is a lot of time to meet someone. If you two can't meet each other before that then I can relate to his fears, he's only being rational. It's a good sign he talks about your future with him but you'll have to consider the possibility of parting your ways too. I'm sorry but this is a very difficult and complex scenario to me. I can only make a wild guess and tell you that no matter how much your boyfriend loves you, his fear sounds very rational but that's just me.
I hope good things come out for you two :)
All the best