I understand that women are different, and have certain needs, however I tend to run into the ones that always need money, attention and other things, constantly.
I plan to end the relationship before it starts, but what signs should I look for before hand, so I can end the next relationship before it starts, so they won't put me on a guilt trip because I won't help them, or wind up staying in it for months when I could simply avoid it in the first place?
P. S. I'm okay with helping sometimes, just wish they would offer to help, or ask for money less often or not ask at all.
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+1 y
To clarify, when I say needy, I mean exactly what woman is doing in this picture. In a relationship, both people should be offering to help the other, not just one side taking and asking for more. The partner should be able to hold one's self accountable and not rely on one person for their financial, emotional, and psychological well being.
If you are up front about what you are looking for, and you are straight with them for the whole duration of whatever is going on, you should be fine. If she still is asking for more than you can give, then you need to end it... maturely. Do not ghost her. Explain to her that you tried to be clear with her, that you are just on different levels, and that you hope she finds someone who can give her what she needs. If she still continues to pursue you, then you may just have to cut her off, because you tried everything else and it wasn’t working.
I know what you mean, I used to run into men with the same problem sometimes they’d beg me to go out with them. I’d say be upfront with what you’re looking for, don’t settle for less, and in general just hang in there and you’ll eventually find the person you’re looking for.
Compliments, ego boosting, everything about you is so interesting, always are so right, these are a few early signs that she's fake and/or her "needs" are going to be in the form of sustaining her living necessities and her lifestyle choices. She'll prolly make her life seem super perfect to begin with as to not scare you off too soon. Check out Behaviors of Narcissistic Women on YouTube, not saying they will all fit the bill, but the goal is to put you on a pedestal and thinking they are female of decade in because when Added with time as you mentioned, the victim is less likely to see it and hit an 86 route.
Yeah someone mentioned you won't know till you do start putting in time with the person. They can have a good job still ask for money, have a place to live but unexpected pressure to move in, among other reasons TL to list. Truth is you don't really start to know who someone is until you live with them, even then, extreme mental cases have lived married with kids and done awful acts against humanity. Nah not trying to scare you away, just making point.
The way you asked is perfectly fine. See currently I think a lot of society has it mixed up believe if we're supposed to be "tending" to someone needs. First of I'll be clear if this is how someone thinks a relationship is supposed to function, get some help please. (intended for whoever objurgates you not wanting to be a charity sucker to a parasitic guilt abusive relationship disguised as being a love and caring one). If someone chooses to engaged for purpose of needing anything, then they prolly should look into personal development. To be blunt, needing to be in a relationship with someone points to a lack of emotional intelligence. Relationships should compliment that of the people involved and accommodations normally are implemented to create time to be involved within each other's lives, not overtaking them. Maintain boundaries and continue to doing stuff on an individual level (bad sign if someone always wants to do things together). Relationships are about enjoying time with, not for reasons needing to be with.
You got the correct vision, don't settle for someone else's benefit, if you feel there's no complimenting occurring don't assume any guilt of hurting someone's feelings as a result of breaking it off. Feeling a meant to be hurt it's going to happen, people need to learn to accept it and move on, cause without hurt there could be no pleasure.
What I mean is I don't to "defraud" a woman who is looking for something serious, and I'm just looking for casual hangouts (and I don't mean sex, I plan to wait).
Before there's a relationship phase, there's a "meeting phase" in a way. You're not a employee just yet, you're just being interviewed.
However, the many replies from this thread, made me realize I asked the wrong question. Everyone has there behavioral issues, they just have to be addressed and be communicated with someone so they can be worked out.
Thanks asking, because I know I didn't explain myself well enough.
Well, I guess you can never be 100% sure if she will turn out to be needy or not, because at firt she can hold back her emotions, she can act like she's not so needy, but it can't last too long, because sooner or later she won't able to hide it anymore and won't be able to hide how she truly is
Oh, alright. If you really love her then you can try to help her to get better, by telling her that you are there for her and that you only want the best for her so that's why you want her to get better. And sincerely, you will need patience, because it's not easy and it takes time, it's a very slow process and takes time to get a progress, and remember to show her that there's no reason for her to be insecure.
I tend to be satisfied with spending time to myself, but I guess that could be seen as being cold or stand-offish. In a previous relationship, she wanted me to call everyday and almost every hour. Other times it was about paragraphs about loving me, other times it was about money, and if I didn't help it would bother me. My bank account terminated because of it 😑
Maybe I'm not as patient with women as I should be, or that I haven't matured enough for relationships to handle them properly.
The key is communication, knowing how to express yourself and your emotions, be honest, sincere and always speak up the truth, and of course another key is respect, respect yourself and respect each other. LOL maybe a bigger magnifying glass could help, perhaps it could work LOL
Agreed, it sounds simple, but I guess success requires some work. I'm I can manage, I just have to stay positive and transparent, I know I can crack this case (last pun).
Baseline is just not accepting needy behavior. The precedent of any relationship is set at the beginning. The entire beginning of getting to know someone is quite literally dictating the setup of how you will be with eachother in the future.
Over time she'll try to have you make little concessions here and there and it's your job not to do it. If you do it leads to the next concession and next concession, then pretty soon you're in a relationship you hate with the girl you love.
It's on you to have an assert your own boundaries. No one can do it for you
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Anonymous
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+1 y
If she gives you shit for not answering her texts and messages, that's a bad sign. If she assumes something nefarious because you didn't reply within her timeframe, that's a bad sign.
They all signify that she thinks nothing else in your life can possibly be as important as her.
She'll lie - she'll say, a reply only takes 10 seconds, you could have replied, what, you don't have 10 seconds?
But you know that the reply doesn't take 10 seconds, because she will never take "ok, talk later" as a response. It is only another excuse to argue.
I can relate, in a past relationship, she wanted to text every day for the past 8 months. Even when I did suggest to lower the frequency, she would say she couldn't do that because she loved me too much. So I was exhausted, but riding the guilt trip on top of that.
You'll have to avoid women (and men) entirely as everyone has needs. You might mean "how do I find women who don't try to make their problems my problem?" To that i would say what you're looking for is men.
True, but what I was implying is that everyone has needs. However, I'm talking about a woman who is clingy, and has little to no desire to take any responsibility, or accountability, and that should at least to more offering than taking, because it can be emotionally draining.
No one likes being needy. It is having needs that are beyond their own power to meet that make them that way. If any needy person (man or woman) was given the time to grow accustomed to having those needs met, they would stop acting needy. But if you want to shortcut through that I would say just look for women who make the same amount of money as you.
Hmm, good point! So you're saying that the main reason she would be too needy, is because I didn't confront her about it, or at least helped her with fixing that behavior.
I honestly haven't thought about that until you said it. So I have to be willing to work that out with her, and if she refuses, then break up.
So I guess in general there is no way to avoid needy people, since everyone has needs, but everyone needs to recognize that that there's always room for improvement.
(This is a hypothetical since I'm currently single lol)
Thats kind of the opposite of what I said. The emphasis I was trying to make was that the only way to correct needy behavior is to give them the confidence and trust that their needs will be met and so they don't have to beg. If this is unappealing to you I would suggest considering the possibility that you are exhibiting the same mentality except while already possessing the things you need so you don't exhibit that behavior. But you would if you had to. It may be the fear of being in such a position, above all, that is driving you to keep your distance from those who already are.
Hmm, I can't argue about your opinion, because I do inhabit traits of low self worth and sabotage. And I'm sure showing commitment to a serious relationship she be something I need to improve on.
I believe you're saying that I should demonstrate confidence and trust so she will ask less, so she knows that will be met. Right?
And as far as her offering to help out with certain things, I'm not demanding to help out with everything, but just to offer. Her offering just let's me know that she understands that she's willing to invest her time and effort as well. Would that come naturally, or would I need to communicate that?
Again, that's the opposite of what I'm saying. I'm suggesting meeting all her needs generously so she gets used to having her needs met. Then she will act less needy.
If you don’t think you should be attentive to your partner’s needs then you probably shouldn’t be trying to hookup anyway. As it would be useless and would end in chaos.
I'm not saying that women shouldn't have needs. I'm simply saying that they should offer more than take. Just as a woman has every right to have needs, a man has certain needs that need to be met as well (not talking about sex).
This question isn't to target all women, since all women are different. But like I mentioned in previous replies, I worded this question incorrectly.
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