How to build an emotional connection?

[Anonymous]

I’ve started seeing this guy, and we get along so well, we agree on a lot of things, and have pretty good conversations and banter.

we haven’t been together that long, (we’re not even official yet) and we’ve only kissed probably 3 times. I’m feeling quite stressed out at the moment, because last time I was with him, we made out and he started touching me under my bra. He asked if it was ok, and I said yes so he continued.

now though, I am stressed out because I’m not ready to be intimate with him, but I know he wants to be. And I regret letting him touch me there because I have probably given off the impression that I’m going to be ready for that soon.. I’m not though. We’ve just started kissing, I want to get to know him on a deeper level more, before I move onto the next step with him.

The thing is, how do we suddenly become more emotional and open with each other? We still have awkward silences sometimes and I wouldn’t say I’m 100% comfortable around him yet. But I really want to break that awkwardness and polite banter and connect with him on a deeper level before we go further.

Any tips for how to do this?
and should I let him touch me under my shirt again if I’ve decided I’m not 100% okay with it? I hope he doesn’t think that’s weird...

god I’m so stressed about all this 😥

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Hi hun :-) I would suggest finding a ton of interesting questions online and write a list of them.. Find the time either over call, in person, or over text and tell him, “Hey, I wanna get to know you a bit more, I have a few questions!” Or something along those lines. Here’s what I did; I looked up “questions to ask new boyfriend” on google and ton came up, I went through them and found a few that piqued my interest, I wrote a list of them and texted them to my date.. When he answered, I would connect with him by saying, “Hey I agree with that, me too” or say something personal to answer the questions. It definitely got us more into a place where we could build that connection. I also opened up about past relationships a little bit so I could be more vulnerable with him and allow him to emotionally connect with me. I suggest you try to do the same.


As for allowing him to reach under your shirt again, don’t. You were in the heat of the moment and that’s okay. You now realize that you want to slow down a bit and that’s okay. Let him know that as well. Let him know that you want to get to know eachother well, them slowly move into asking him some deeper questions. You got this. 😊

[Asker]

Thanks for that advice, the internet questions are a great idea 🙂