If You Could Only Choose One?

[Anonymous]

So happy I'm in therapy. I've only been on here about... An hour. Y'all have some deep insecurities and twisted fantasies about relationships. Which is fine. I have mine too. But it's consistently the same problem most of you are dealing with that annoys me. The need for validation and reciprocation from blatantly obvious toxic people, or how to handle childish behavior or borderline sexual harassment. Starting to realize that by staying out of deep relationships has left me able to focus on myself a lot more to now be able to understand what boundaries and communication truly means. I've had so many meaningless relationships and ruined deeply good friendships that now I'm able to look back and learn from my mistakes. Ask yourself, what is it that you truly seek the most in someone else or rather what you want to give and then you'll start to understand what type of relationship you need to build. What is it that you want/give in a (monogamous) relationship?

Sex Appeal

Companionship/Friendship

Sub/Dom Dynamics

Just to be there

Other

Updates

+1 y

Sorry for the douchey opening statement, it was 3am lol still no excuse i can give. Still, curious as to what y'all consider the most important aspect of a relationship you want to work on. Also the sub/dom part deals with the personality you desire from the person rather than the sex, or the comfort of company/friendship. As is would you prefer someone/to be someone that is subsmissive to the other or more dominant and controlling

[SueShe]

Difficult question because they all have their positives and negatives, depending on how you view relations.

If my arm was twisted to chose one, then I would personally go for friendship. However, friendship also bears a number of dangers. If this friendship remains solely on a platonic basis, then there is no problem.

The problem arises as soon as the platonic friendship develops in a unilateral liking beyond the friendship. More often than not, when a friendship between the 2 genders develop, this is destroyed by a unilateral feeling that is deeper than just plain and regular friendship.

Mainly in my age group, the one gender tends to want more than just platonic friendship and that is when problems arise.

[Asker]

Aha! Someone caught the jist of what I was poking at. See thats the thing is that we are raised to believe that a friendship can't be deeply intimate. Or rather, that if we feel some sorta way, we must act upon it or lose all hope. The problem seems to lie not in the feelings, but the inadequate treatment of them and/or the relationship. Its definitely a touchy subject I'd love to continue to talk about.

[SueShe]

Thanks for the MHO

[Flower_Power]

This is a hard question to answer, but I suppose I would have to go with companionship. After my last relationship I was I realise that I'm not into PDA or excessive touching. I hate cheesy romantic gestures; they make me want to gag. Perhaps this makes me aromantic (I think that's the right term)? I'm attracted to people, but I don't like the overly corny crap. Either way, back to your question. I just want to support someone and have them support me. I appreciate it when people are thoughtful, and love to be/do the same for others.

At this point in my life, I still am figuring things out. I'm young and still learning. There is a chance in a few years my opinions will change. In fact, it's highly likely they will.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I'm pleased you have had counselling to help you reach your epiphany. The problem is I lost interest in your question long before the end.
I'll take a wild guess therefore at 42!

[PrettyPriya]

Of the options, I would have to chose friendship/companionship out of them all. To me, that is part of the base of a strong relationship.

Sex appeal or sub/dom don't hold a relationship together.

[Asker]

It truly does not. But I've noticed a lot of people look for that and believe that its a core aspect. One is the icing, the other is decorative and flavoring, but the cake itself, i also agree, is the companionship. Yet so many people get caught up in flirting and believe that this sensual foreplay of emotions which leads to essentially sex, no cap, is the basis to whether a relationship will work or not.

[PrettyPriya]

I agree. While I am not into that particular kink/fetish or lifestyle, I can say that for myself and my SO, companionship is the most prevalent part of what makes are relationship.

We truly enjoy being with each other. We laugh, have fun, share moments. Those are all infinitely more important that the intimacy that we share that accounts for maybe 1-2% of our time. While great, and a healthy part of our relationship, certainly a small part when you look at it as a whole.

[Asker]

Ah see i think this is where i might have been misunderstood. See i saw a post where this guy was asking about if there were any women out there that truly could respect a guy. Now my opinion is that he probably in past relationships been sexually attracted to (dom) inant women who end up being bratty or even degraders or sadist to some extent. Now I'm not saying they were fully immerse in the culture. These are simply the names of certain personality traits. The kink part is when we do full dives into these personalities. Now emotionally he probably is attracted to subs but has failed to make that association because he doesn't understand how to differentiate between his sexual appetite and his emotional needs. Thats what i mean by the dynamics of a sub/dom relationship. Its not so much the kink but rather the traits

[PrettyPriya]

I know there are plenty involved in that world and enjoy that lifestyle. No shame in that. Just not something that interests me.

As they say, to each is own.

[Iron_Man]

Good luck in your therapy

[Asker]

Its actually going phenomenally. Learned a lot about how to love myself and have some sense of closure on my past life and mistakes