He says I only put effort looking good for strangers, co-workers and my girls but never for him. I tell him he’s insecure and what does he expect me to do? Wallk around the house with make up when we’re not going out. He says he just wants me to show that I still care if i look good for him. It’s annoying how do I get him to let it go?
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+1 y
So I hesitantly put some effort into my appearance for him yesterday and so far I think it worked. He hasn’t mentioned anything thus far and didn’t care when he saw me putting it on for other things not involving him…but we’ll see I still have my doubts this will last.
That sounds like something my husband would say. Yes it is insecurity and jealousy, but maybe he just wants more acknowledgment from u? I know myself that my own husband likes compliments and recognition, even for the smallest things. Like, even if he just fixed, say, my blow dryer. Praise and compliment him that he fixed my blow dryer would make his day! lol Some men just like to be acknowledged. Maybe that is something that is hurting him? Just try it? Men like to be appreciated even though they are too hard headed to say it. They act like some Macho Men, but deep inside, they are really loving human beings. I hope that helps!
I think you may be right it’s hard to tell I’ve gotten so many girls calling him insecure including myself but then again he doesn’t really trip about anything else so I’m not sure. I’m gonna try a little harder this week and see what happens
Well, first just tell him. It isn’t that uncommon to not get dolled up around the house. I’m the same way. I don’t wear a lot of makeup to begin with. Mostly just eye makeup and that does it. If I am home and not going out, nothing. Luckily for me, my SO doesn’t give a toss about it. He’s never said a word. It isn’t because I don’t want to look good for him.
It is because it is a pain, as you know, to go through that work to sit around at home. Sure, I do it when I’m going out, whether with him or going to work. That doesn’t mean I’m doing it to be noticed but to look presentable at my job or a nice dinner (or whatever). Basically, you need him to stop being so insecure.
My guess is he takes this as a slight that you are making yourself look good while going out to impress others. I’m sure that is so far from the truth and you, like I do, just want to look presentable in public. He needs to get over it and just tell him that. Ugh
That is really really dumb. I don't know. But some people just have dumb shit going on in their heads.
Honestly when you are with your significant other you should be able to just be you... There is nothing wrong with getting fixed up when you're going to go somewhere. I mean I am guessing that he does not sit around his house in a suit and tie.
No you're not going to walk around the house with makeup (unless you want to) I mean I know in movies they have their hair and makeup just perfect in their own houses... Yea that is not reality unless you live with a really anal retentive family.
Maybe... He is the one you should consider letting go.
Dealing with this myself... can't even get the wife to shower or brush her teeth if it's just around me. But oh a party or going out... Earings, makeup, showers, brushes her teeth. I think the point is clear in my opinion. They are worth the effort, but I am not. Maybe my woman is a little more extreme but if you see any similarities there... then maybe you'll understand your man's feelings about it.
She's a cheater by the way... more than once. But I think that basic behavior kinda exposed that from the start.
Just reading through these other dudes answers... bunch of simps. I'm not trying to be mean but I'm making an observation. They obviously have not been in a real relationship. I would doubt they've ever been laid. But I already know how this plays out in the female brain... he's insecure, just jealous, just paranoid. Right... but if you weren't seeking attention from others then why would you put effort into seeking it? Just saying.
Look at it from his perspective. How would you feel if he only smiled at strangers and never at you? He likes seeing you with makeup on, yet this is something you primarily share with others and not with him. Some people like makeup and others don't. Apparently, your boyfriend puts value on your effort to look nice for him, while you want to be comfortable around him and not have to put on a show. This relationship will probably never go anywhere, as you both want different things.
I don't follow what you are saying. Never expect others to change for you. It's not a judgment call on either of you... it's merely the reality that both of you want different things. Find someone who appreciates you as you are rather than as you could or should be.
Sorry @caring__1 I usually like your opinions but I can’t get on board with this one (no that isn’t my downvote). You’re not seriously suggesting smiling at strangers is equal to putting on makeup?
I think the asker will agree that a woman smiling at a stranger is EASILY taken as flirting where putting on makeup is a social norm.
@PrettyPriya It's not uncommon for people to be jealous of what we are more likely to do for others rather than for them. For instance, I hear women complain that their partner schedules time for work, for their hobbies and for socializing with their friends, but not for them. Their partner responds with "but you get all the time left over." Her response is "yeah, while you're asleep." We believe scheduled time is more valuable, as our total focus is given when the time is scheduled. Just being in the same house at the same time isn't going to be seen as focused time.
I personally would prefer my partner is comfortable and natural as much as possible, so I wouldn't want her to wear makeup unless she felt it was necessary. Unfortunately, this is not the belief of her boyfriend. He wants her to impress him with her effort to always look her best for him. There are people who do value superficiality over a special connection with a partner. All I'm saying here is she has chosen a partner who values things differently than her. He probably won't change for her, so she'll continue to feel frustrated and disappointed in this relationship.
As far as the smiling example, I was just pointing out the type of thing people might be jealous of others receiving, when we don't believe we're receiving the same in kind. It is important to feel comfortable at home, but it is also important to be considerate of what our partner values. If it becomes too much of a chore to be considerate of what our partner values, incompatibility will probably doom the relationship.
@PrettyPriya The owner of a problem is the person who feels the discomfort. Projecting our problems on others, expecting them to eliminate our discomfort is unlikely to be functional. His problem might be his jealousy, but her problem is expecting him to be something he's not. She has no control over him. All we can control is our own choices. He's not the one seeking help... she is. Therefore, I'm focusing on what is within her control rather than just tell her how he should change. Telling people what others should do tends to be a waste of time. He is what he chooses to be. It's important for us to accept people as they are. If we don't like what we see, we can move on, but expecting others to change for us will more likely result in frustration and disappointment than success.
Let's say he tells you he's gay. Yes, it's important you accept that fact, but that doesn't require you to stay and have a relationship with him. Let's say you love cats, but he's very allergic to them. It would be inappropriate for him to demand that you get rid of your cats, but that doesn't mean he has to stay. It is important in any relationship to accept people as they are. I understand girls are indoctrinated with the belief "It is the woman behind the man," or "It is the woman who makes the man," yet no one is a lump of clay eager to be molded by others. You can educate him, so he understands how this impacts you, but never pressure him to be something he doesn't wish to be. If he says it's important to him to have his partner wear a mask of makeup whenever he is around, then just let him know that doesn't work for you, and you wish him the best in finding that woman who will please him the way he wants to be pleased.
Personally I hate makeup and hardly ever wear it. If I wear it out now and then and my partner reacts like this, you what bet believe I’ll end things then and there. Sorry but if they can’t be happy with how I look naturally and they need to see me fully dolled up with makeup for them to feel happy then that just wouldn’t sit right with me…
And I suppose he is still dressing to impress around the house and doesn't take his shoes or watch or belt or tie off after work either? Cause that's less than what he's asking you to do so I assume he's doing at least that much to show he wants to look good for you too.
Well why does you being happy only matter in that case, and not in this case—where you're the one actually having to do the thing? Sounds like he's manipulative tbh. I could be wrong but that type of reasoning really reminds me of it. He should be able to understand that doing your makeup every day for him isn't a reasonable expectation, and come to some compromise that puts both your happiness as important.
What he said makes total sense and I think the same way. If a woman only does something when she goes out and doesn't do it at home then it definitely IS for getting attention from others.
Think of it this way, if he didn't shave, fix his hair, or wear anything other than stretched out sweat clothes at home with you, but when he goes out to placed without you he puts in effort and makes sure he looks nice/appealing. It is the same thing.
Its timr to Change your boyfriend. I personally don't prefer women wearing makeup but if thats what they like and feel confident , and i really shouldn't have much say in it. he's too insecure and jealous. Why would you want to stay with him when he can't respect you for who you are
I think he is just trying to express that it hurts his feelings when he sees you willing to put in effort for other people but not for him in the same way. Which is reasonable. The only reason to wear makeup is to be more aesthetically pleasing and logically you should want to be the most aesthetically pleasing to your partner.
Tell him you should be able to relax at home, and not have to get all dressed up like it's date night just to sit on the couch and watch tv. Tell his bum ass to take you out for dinner if he wants you to get all dressed up. Who does he think he is? Fucking King Louis the 14th?
That can be concerning. My girl was like that , no makeup with me but always properly maintained otherwise with other people. Turns out she was cheating with multiple other dudes and for them she was maintaining her top look as those guys were way older and richer than me.
I feel like you should sit him down and talk to him, it might not be serious now but it could lead to something. Also try to put in efforts to get ready and look pretty for him sometimes, maybe that would help. I guess he just Wants you to show some effort for him
oi yoi yoi that is not healthy. Your lifestyle doesn't revolve around his jealousy or preferences. You'll have to decide how to handle it, do you think his standards are reasonable or not. If not, kick him out babes.
Your boyfriend is an insecure immature boob... I mean how do you not actually laugh at him about this? I'd just say yeah whatever then do what you want...
Once you have made your points, there is no reason to keep beating a dead horse. He’s got to see it for himself. However, you might want to show him ways you do look good for him.
Cuz he think he ll lose u cuz u alrdy look too hot. 🤝 should follow him if u want to tbh. He seems like a dood that doesn't want to loose a pretty girl which he has.
Why are you wearing makeup if you’re in a relationship and you’re probably like most women and you look no where near as attractive without makeup than you do with it
What if you couldn’t wear makeup? I just don’t understand why women need those chemicals to feel pretty. What if makeup didn’t exist do you think you’re ugly or something do you think you need it?
it would be a little odd for you to walk around the house in makeup, maybe you should tell him "you tell me exactly what you wish i would do" and he should come up with something
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