Do you have social anxiety? How do you deal with it?

Question

Do you take medication for it or just force yourself to do uncomfortable things or just not interact with people that much? I have autism and I can get extremely anxious in social situations. I can kind of get through life by trying to simplify things in my head and reducing possibilities (the more limited basic and boring the conversation is the more comfortable I'll be) but in some situations that's not possible and it's very stressful for me especially like dating or just conversations that are unpredictable.

It sucks a lot. I wasn't really aware how much it affected me until recently. I'm not anxious about other things like test taking flying heights anything dangerous really but with people I just get stressed out. People are unpredictable and can be so cruel that just makes things a lot more stressful. But I've been more and more interested in having more of a social life in the last 2 years so I'm very conflicted.

RACSKC0B · Accepted Answer

OK, here's the thing, about anxiety that it doesn't want you to figure out.
No matter what it is that gets your anxiety going, anxiety is not good at making predictions. In fact it's bad at it, always.
Anxiety will always tell you the most insane possible outcome, it's the only possible outcome. Now it might be possible for all of the things to happen the way your anxiety tells you it will. But even when you're super happy and excited about something positive that's going to happen to you, how good is anyone at predicting how things will unfold or play out?
Not very good at all, right.
Anxiety, it's making predictions all by its self, and it's afraid of everything. Sometimes even stuff you've done before. But it's making predictions based on everything you've experienced in your life, and as far as I can every story you've ever heard, plus every show or movie you've seen. It takes all that stuff and it starts putting things together, adds some personal details to make it more your own, and then starts telling you that's the only way it could happen.
Unfortunately, anxiety doesn't seem to have much of a memory, because it forgets all those times it was freaking out about how embarrassing it was going to be when it came to be your turn to read in class. (I'm dyslexic, so I really struggled with reading and spelling in school, reading out loud in class was especially stressful because it was like a count down to my turn each time the next person would read one more closer to my turn.) Anxiety never once remembered, my teachers knew I wasn't a strong reader, so they made sure to not have me read a huge paragraph with lots of words I was going to have to sound out.
Anxiety also forgets all those times it was so sure how things were going to go, and everyone would laugh, and then someone would push you down, for some reason your grandpa is going to show up and pubg and laugh at you too, so you'll have to run away and live in the woods for the rest of your life eating twigs and berries. But you couldn't get out of doing the thing, so you just do it. And it was no big deal getting your school picture taken it turns out. Afterwards you just forget how anxiety was making you feel because you're so happy you don't have to poop in the woods.
Basically I've learned that even when things didn't go well, or did go badly, it was never as bad as my anxiety was so sure it would be. Because it's really bad at making predictions, it's just the loudest voice you can hear at the time.
I know what you're going through, I'm kinda socially innept myself. Often I don't pick up on social cues, but amongst my circle of friends I'm known for saying the exact wrong thing at the right time, and for saying what everyone is thinking. You're gonna make situations awkward sometimes, but then so will everyone else, it's fine. It's how you learn to interact with people, and that's the only way you're going to get to fall in love.
You can do this, I promise.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Yes, I’ve had severe social anxiety ever since I was a kid.

I have a social life. I have some very good friends (of all genders) who I trust deeply. We share interests and we understand each other’s struggles. They are my support.

Then sometimes I go at party and more crowded events. I swear it never got less stressful. But I still need that kind of social interactions once in a while. If I didn’t have my friends and my alone time, I wouldn’t be able to. And sometimes I go months without any kind of social event. When we had lockdown I was relieved!

It’s like chronic illness to me. I can take care of it. I can cope with it. But in the end I have this chronic source of pain that I carry around and sometimes stops me from doing things I enjoy. That’s fine.

People are not cruel. The world makes everyone look cruel because it always feels like a f*king race to the top. But stop long enough to know someone well, and build trust. Most people are inherently sweet and caring. They just need a little help to show it.

KBird · Accepted Answer

I have a lot of anxiety generally, and I do take medication for it. However, my social anxiety stems from me being a quiet person naturally, which I feel anxious about because of how it potentially looks. Sometimes it makes me feel like a weirdo, or a loser. But I have learned over the years that being quiet is normal, even though I sometimes wish I was an extrovert.

I have learned a few tricks (from friends, family, and some books) on how to deal with this:

1. Know that it is ok and normal to be quiet. Some people are extroverts, but not everyone. Its better to be a good listener, and to pipe in when you have something qualitative to say, rather than being a 'blabbermouth'. Its also ok to leave a party early if you're not feeling it, or if it isn't your vibe, but at least give it a chance.

2. Before going out, become familiar with a few trending topics. (the news, politics, sports, movies coming out, etc.) Find something you consider interesting and could discuss. Also, if known, consider the group of people you will be going out with. What are their passions?

3. Become genuinely interested in the people you're out with, and have a list of questions to ask in the back of your mind like: "what brought you to this event?", "how do you know ___?", "I like your shoes! Where did you get them?", "what did you think of this project?", etc.

4. If possible I tend to have a pre-drink. I just have one to take the edge off. I dont want to be tipsy or drunk, but it helps lessen the nerves.

5. This was a big one that helped me. Realizing that you're probably not the only one at the party with social anxiety. That others feel the same way that you do, or worse.

6. This is piggy-backing off the previous point, but if someone is giving you one word answers, or is just acting like they dont want to talk to you, then dont waste your time or think that you're the problem. Move on.

7. This one is more for me, but I absolutely cannot smoke weed or do any sort of recreational drug at an event where there are people I don't know. I find that drugs can increase my level of social-anxiety to the point where I panic and leave.

8. If its a byob house party you're going to, and people are drinking, I would bring a case of beer, or whatever your drink of choice is, and offer the others to people at the party. Even if you dont drink, or plan on drinking, everyone likes someone who supplies free drinks. If you dont drink, I would bring a popular beverage, like Heineken beer, etc.

*The books/course that really helped me, and I highly recommend, is Dale-Carnegie. If you're interested.

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

I do all of it, drugs, getting drunk makes my social anxiety virtually disappear... when I'm drunk I'm a super outgoing crazy friendly person.

Many times I force myself to push through it, doing hard to do uncomfortable things and many times I don't have the energy to do that so I just avoid people.

AmandaYVR · Answer

Yeah everyone's experienced some social awkwardness and sometimes anxiety over it. Even those on their best behaviour, and really trying to be careful not to offend or upset others, can still sometimes end up offending someone, so it's something that never gets entirely eliminated from social interactions. At some point in life, though, if you make a lot of effort, you have to just say a bit of "I'm not goona over-worry about this anymore. My intentions are not bad." The other person also has some responsibility to toughen up a bit, give the benefit of the doubt, learn not everything is about somebody dissin' them.

In your situation I'm not sure how you can learn more about these things. Some of it is practice, and some of it will be just trying to quell your own worry about how others perceive you. I wonder if there's any place to study such things. No, I don't think meds are the answer.

Anonymous · Answer

Yep, I used to be socially awkward still am but I have reduced it to a reasonable extent. By reading philosophy of stocism, nihilism many more. I used to be so anxious to go around people, the origin of my anxiety was I was concerned that what people will think about me, what if I will make a fool of myself. I used to be very insecure about my looks, I even tried suicide, but fortunately didn't succeed.

The only way I was able to recover from this by reading philosophy.

Currently I'm 23 and I no longer call myself as socially anxious but I am still an introvert ie I still enjoy the most of my time alone but I don't really mind hanging out in groups or other social interaction for formal reasons.

Read philosophy of Friedrich Nietzsche, Burtrand Russell, arthur schopenhauer.

You'll came to know that nothing really matters anyway.

So after reading their philosophy you literally won't care about what people will think about you.

Because we all are going to die anyway.

Just read their philosophy you'll came to know what I'm talking about. It's hard to explain right now.

Book recommendation:

Beyond Good and Evil, On the Genealogy of Morality, law of human nature, 48 laws of power, God is Dead.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

My son is non-verbal autistic and I see his struggles. I'm starting to wonder if I am autistic as well... My great grandparents were old school so I basically just got tortured when it came to school... like writing cursive before Kindergarten kind of torture, but my brain can't memorize spelling or multiplication tables for more than 2 weeks no matter how much I try.

So social situations... I find the social situations a struggle as well, but I've kind of learned how to just fake it after working an administrative job in the military. Just head on practice has made me be able to fake being the life of a party and people think I'm a social butterfly, but when the choice is left to me, I would never choose to go to some party. So what I'm trying to say, is you might learn to manage or fake those social situations, but maybe how you feel about it is never going to change.

Blackcosmo · Answer

Yes and I don't really deal with it. I don't get therapy or any medication. All I do is force myself to do what I need to do even if it's killing me inside. I push myself forward even if I just want to go back and hide because I have to. If I don't need to put myself into those situations, I just hide away. No need to make myself suffer when I don't need to. Honestly my anxiety has gotten a bit better during the past year which is weird since I've been doing online school and haven't been in contact with other humans for a whole year.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Social situations are never comfortable. Im an introvert but must stand and give presentations to hundreds of people all the time.

Its never easy. You have to be confident in yourself. People are unpredictable, but you can't allow their criticisms to bring you down. You stand strong in your conviction. Its ok to admit if you dont know something. Smile often. Be curious... listen and ask questions. I've found people generally like to talk about themselves and they feel good when doing so. This is the key to making people like you- including women- you make them feel good.

Do something and do it well. This is a big one many dont understand. Have something as collateral to fall back upon and tell yourself its not all for naught. I have many hobbies and skills. People can say whatever they want but they cannot take away what makes me, me.

soulbabe · Answer

I have a lot of anxiety in general and no I don't take medicine for it I just try to grit my teeth and keep moving I feel very stressed if I'm surround with people I especially hate people behind me I tend to avoid social interactions I forced myself to be a cashier for several years which has made my people skills better but I still don't really like it

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I do; which means I generally tend not to strike up conversations with strangers. However, someone usually does eventually come up to me and start talking. And once the ice is broken, I usually do very well (though I can still be awkward at times.)

However, if it's a girl, then it's a lot harder to have a conversation. I get really nervous and I freeze up and I can't think and I can't speak. So what usually happens is we'll introduce ourselves, and then I'll say "nice to meet you," and then I turn and move on.

ElementoP · Answer

I know it sounds stupid, which is why I avoided trying it for so long, but taking cold showers and forcing myself to relax when I want to freak out in the cold water has really helped with my social anxiety. Approaching people and talking to them isn't even half as scary as it used to be.
People seemed surprised at how differently I'm speaking to them too. I'm not all shy and mousey anymore. It's really weird but it works

As far as having autism though, I don't know. But I work with highly autistic people for a living and they are indeed special. You have a gift, not a disability

Anonymous · Answer

Living with the same I think. I've always been more shy and "reserved", since childhood, and although I've been working on it and now I can talk to new people, joke and enjoy, I still get really anxious, specially when going somewhere with more than I don't know, like 10 people. For example, every time I get on the bus I get so nervous when I notice there's too much people that I literally can't focus on their faces, I walk to my sit and don't see anyone's face. One day I sat NEXT TO a friend during a 40 minutes ride, and I didn't notice him until we left the bus and I finally was calm enough to see.

The way I manage this is by using earphones, there's too much happening outside and focusing on music is truly helpful to me. I've tried to focus on my feet, or stare at a certain spot were I have to get when walking outside, but music is just better to keep myself partially blinded from reality.

Googlemyahoo · Answer

My only social anxiety is small talk. Which I consider fake & simply don’t bother. If I have nothing in common with a person I can’t stand there feigning interest in what they say. Being a skeptic and logical I usually call people on their bullshit.

InnocentFreak · Answer

I was diagnosed with PTSD that developed into social anxiety. For now I only cope by avoidance except at work, where I really have to interact with people and it is a living hell, but I’m going into EMDR therapy very soon so I’m hopeful about it. ✌🏻 I want to beat this shit so bad. Sending you good energies 🕊

Bubbles16 · Answer

I have terrible social anxiety in fact my anxiety became so bad to the point where in high school I was so scared of being judged, made fun of or laughed at I almost never talked to people outside my friend group unless they talked to me first

maximumpower · Answer

I'm a (mild) aspy. My brother and son both have it, as well.
Have found that practicing social situations has been helpful.
Strongly recommend avoiding medication, to include "self-medication."
"The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" is a good resource.
Good luck.

Càitjet · Answer

Anxiety, depression and PTSD, no medication just counselling. Don't really deal with it tbh, it comes in waves so when it hits things get messy.

sheikalana · Answer

I have so much anxiety. Honestly the easiest way to deal with is is faking.

Anonymous · Answer

I’ve given up on having any kind of a social life. Now I just write poetry and spend my time in nature watching deer.

Kasabiian · Answer

i dunno.. i just hate everyone does that count?

Nikki1989 · Answer

I had it as a teenager, but I was able to beat it, mainly from doing a lot of public speaking.

EarthRealm · Answer

😂 😂 me with social anxiety that’s hilarious 😂 I used to have social anxiety till I Decided I was no longer part of Society and when I decided I am a far more superior race than the human race.

mh170209 · Answer

I have generalized anxiety but it gets bad when I talk to people it's just lately been getting better to the point where I can talk to people I mostly have a problem with talk to girls I think its because I'm insecure

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