What even is this? Can anyone give perspective?

[damon052]

So. What kinds of friends hang out pretty much all the time and go places doing things together but also sleeping in the same bed and basically waking up cuddled up in the morning. But nothing is spoken of after that. Like a mutual unspoken agreement. This has been the case the last 5 or so times that I've spent the night over. No intentions of sex either. Not on my end at least. Yet, at the same time they have other friends that they've gone to visit and even stayed at their place and actually slept with them. I'm not interested in dating this person, but I'm just wondering what people think.

[HollyK21]

Doesn’t really matter what people think. Every friendship has a certain dynamic that may seem odd to others, but that’s because they wouldn’t do it themselves, which is also fine. If you two enjoy the companionship you give each other and also fine with your relationship being platonic then that’s just what works for you two.

[damon052]

Wow, you know you're the first to explain it that way. I mean personally I haven't had a friendship or relationship with someone in this way so the entire thing just felt off but didn't feel like it made much sense to me. So thank you.

[HollyK21]

No worries! Don’t let anyone make you feel like what you have going on needs a label, because it doesn’t. I would give a small piece of advice though, and that is to just be sure that your friendship isn’t defined by the closeness, prioritization, and intimacy you two provide each other. Simply because one day, should either of you enter a relationship, you don’t want to be thrown into a tailspin or feel at a huge loss because you won’t be able to do these things anymore. A lot of what you two do is give one another what you’d seek in a boyfriend/girlfriend, so once you or her actually have a partner to be that person, you don’t want to feel useless or discarded.

[damon052]

Thats completely understandable. And I see what you mean. As far as I have known this person, we've been pretty much talking and have moments as if we were a married couple, obviously without all the intimacy of kissing and the intercourse and whatnot. I believe its been for the both of us having company that we feel comfortable around not having to worry about the commitment in that area. But I see where you're coming from. That's one of the things I would rather them tell me or know from me if any sort of relationship pops up that there be communication like you're saying. I wouldn't want either one of us to feel that way.

This is a separate instance below.
Though there have been times where I'm the one wondering why I seem to be the one they always come back to when they have bad luck with the people they go on dates with and nothing comes out of it. Like I'm always here for her of course. But sometimes it's hard being a good person trying to be there for them too.

[HollyK21]

I get where you’re coming from. If you don’t mind me asking, is there a reason you two haven’t just tried a relationship?

[damon052]

Well there's an easy answer and a hard answer. And it's actually pretty complicated. But I haven't tried because it would make matters even more complicated on my end. Definitely on the spectrum of her not knowing some things, that she hasn't asked about but also I think she likes where things are at, because I was also thinking of asking her the same thing.

[HollyK21]

So essentially, you’ve got some things going on that a relationship would complicate and she doesn’t know about, right? If so, maybe it’s worth a conversation. While you’re wondering or assuming certain things, she may be in the same boat and neither of you know how to really start to talk. Like you said, if things are genuinely fine how they are then don’t worry about anything else and just leave it as is. But if you have affection for her and think she may be on the same page, then maybe it wouldn’t hurt to initiate clearing the air. I know talks like that could be touchy, as you don’t want to disturb the flow of a perfectly fine situation, I do think it’s worth considering though.

[damon052]

No you're completely right though. I mean just being able to talk about those things is important in any relationship whether platonic or intimate. So I think I'll have to think carefully how best to bring this up. Especially if it could shake things up. So thank you.

[HollyK21]

Sounds good, wishing you luck with whatever the choice is☺️

[damon052]

Thank you so much!