Is it fair to fault your SO for things they did in the past if you stayed with them 3 years after?

[Anonymous]

Like say 3 years ago your boyfriend/girlfriend cheated, and have been good ever since. Is it fair to keep bringing up 3 years ago when you stayed with them after that?

[Anonymous]

No, and here is the sad thing. It's typically women who bring shit up from the past, rather than just letting it go.

I dated someone once, where every time we had an argument, she would bring things up from years ago.. Hold it against me. Women like that should not date.. Period..

[Asker]

The one I’m with now I been with for 4 years and she keeps bringing up the past and becomes very hostile. I do love her and don’t get me wrong we had a lot of good times but it’s becoming too much to keep faulting me when she made her choice to stay 3 years after that.

[Opinion Owner]

Best to let that one go. If she can't forgive and forget she's not mature enough to be dating.

[Asker]

That is where I’m heading. I’m anxious and stressed all the time from the arguing. And it’s causing me to not be motivated.

[Opinion Owner]

And I bet she picks fights over nothing causing you to walk on egg shells. That's what we call manipulation..

[Asker]

Yes and now I can’t even compliment her without her saying stuff like “oh I bet you thought x was pretty too”. Like wtf

[Opinion Owner]

So she's incredibly insecure too. There is nothing to salvage here. I was stupid with my ex, I stayed way too long, and her arguments turned into her being violent to me.

[Asker]

Yeah and I think it’s hard to salvage this because it’s made my my self esteem take a huge nose dive and my anxiety to go up.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah you can't let her do that to you.

[Asker]

I literally stopped working out, eating right. All because of the anxiousness. Like I said, I do love her and I wish there was a way I can get her to stop but it seems like I can’t do it

[Opinion Owner]

Unfortunately there is not any way to stop this. Let me let you in on a secret. A woman who does that sees men as a doormat. Someone to be walked on and abused, not as a partner. When i got married i politely yet firmly advised my wife that if she pulled any of that behavior i would kick her to the streets. I made it clear where i stood on things, that if i made a mistake, it was ok to talk about it ONCE.. and that is it, its done, same goes for me though too. Its unacceptable to keep "kicking a dead dog" if you get my meaning. I set very clear boundaries with her too. So far we have been married 9 years, very happy, and very few fights.