Fiancé says he wonders what life would’ve been like if he got with his crush? Is this normal?

Question

My fiancé was really into this girl before he met me and he said last night he wonders what life would’ve been like if he got with her. And that there is always that 1 person.
he said don’t get jealous and that even if she became single past is past and if he was single for whatever reason he wouldn’t go there as past is past. He just wonders what life would’ve been like (his words).

I don’t know why but it’s upset me. Sounds so silly. I don’t have that one person and didn’t dare really before him.

is this normal?

starfoxxy64 · Accepted Answer

I just gotta dumped after 10 years of him cheating and him enjoying another person while behind my own father's back before my father loss his fight with stage 4 lung cancer and bladder cancer which my father had The Talk man - man which that so called ex boyfriend as of now. Who has actually went behind my back and even gotten a charged with domestic battery charge and Domestic charger with bodily harm. Against the complete same own female who had thrown in jail in January 2020. Which he even tried saying I was his real reason of why he felt he was bored 🥱 in our own personal relationship which my father talk about stuff which. He claimed they I should of not lied about how I was going to start working out at the gym to losing weight.. which unfortunately I have mental health ; PTSD , Anxiety, Bi-polar type 1 which yes I have to take my medicines. So he was trying it gaslighting me. My own so called ex boyfriend who actually told me that I needed to on my ring which the female that he cheated with me on actually got four rings out of him and she even wanted to have proof for a so-called friends that she was in a real relationship and she even lied to him about losing the first one so I don't know how he's such a foolish man or a child I should say in a 36 year old man's body because he's so immature and then goes lies behind his whole family and mine own family's and everyone's back : that we broken up which he never had he was just using the oh " she just a Female. friend OMG Mara Stop Bringing her up !! oMG FUCKING Stop and grow the fuck up" is exactly what he yells at me.

Which I hope he happy with going behind even the Judge while both of them were during the court hearing which held out for over 2 years because of pandemic started and he was actually just saying he never was abusive towards her which she actually then email him while they were both told while to stop all contact us each other which I guess they don't understand the rules and laws of Illinois United States rules but it's fine at least he's on my life because sadly he uses my father as a couple saying he helped me when honestly I was homeless after my father passed away he never cared he actually got my now ex female best friend to kick me out of her own grandma's after he would not stop calling my ex best friend's cell phone when I told him to stop 🛑 all that shit and then she just told me I better pack my stuff and delete her cell phone number because of that loser ex boyfriend who now has went back to that same female who gotta him arrested and has own mother had actually told me she is disgusting on how her oldest son Sean which I had been very good relationship between his mother and his family which is hardest because i met his mother and family on the day of his father funeral service which it was a sudden heart attack which was hard to see him in pain even if we only started dating in the beginning from June 23, 2013 and his father sadly passed away August 4, 2013

To answer this question is :

So if my man had been saying things about his ex fiance who I know actually told me while he and his stupid girlfriend (Homereaker) on my own Facebook account page was trying start stupid drama. So I kind rather have him with the female who actually had made false accusations and false police reports so actually she could go to jail which I would laugh because honestly unless you really does want to tell the truth on who the abusive boy her and was because Sean was not even capable of hurting a spider where I was trying to ask him to kill it cuz I am afraid of spiders so he is unable to hurt a fly you can't even pick up dog bathroom break you know what I mean it's like I will let her have whatever she thought was so great cuz I don't care I am just wasted 10 years of my life. Even bought so called co-workers who were female co-workers which I never got to meet because they had only met his 2nd or also the homewrecker and he had bought the co-workers' for Christmas candles and lotions from bed and body works store which I never got anything from him even after I would spend my money on nice gifts like a homemade custom winter fuzzy blanket since I know he lose his pets so I had ordered a custom blanket with all of his pets including the main cat Coca which was the most speical pets of his sicne she was his owner and even she never liked me 😂 yet it fine with me at least his own mother knows the truth on how she was lied to which is sad on her own son part after I had made a very nice and positive realtionship with everyone else besides his own backstabbing ex friends of his own who all never like me at all.

Fiancé says he wonders what life would’ve been like if he got with his crush? Is this normal?

jorfan3 · Accepted Answer

To be honest, it sounds like he doesn't appreciate you. Why would he wonder what life would be like if he was totally satisfied? I don't sit around and wonder what life would be like with any of my former crushes or ex's. It's irrelevant.

I'd honestly reconsider the engagement, hon. Maybe give him some time to decide if this is what him (or you) really wants. Because it sounds like he just started you're second place, and you want to be #1. You DESERVE to be #1.

RangerBlue22 · Accepted Answer

That was really crappy thing to say. Given your engaged both of you should to a certain extent be more open about things. To a careful extent we can talk about past let downs/crushes but it needs to have a positive conclusion. It should of been “yeah it sucked it never happened but again it worked it for the best in the long run because it lead me to you”

He should of put that in a different context so it didn’t come off like he never had his dreams fulfilled and it’s “settling” with you.

I would express that you were really hurt that he said that. See how he responds to it. If he doesn’t apologize or say anything along the lines of saying you are the one he truly cares about than you might have a bigger problem on your hands.

snowboarder720 · Accepted Answer

If that was said to me by my fiancé, I’d feel hurt. That’s exactly what I’d tell her too. I’d explain to her that I feel hurt when she brings up her ex because they are in the past and we are living in the present.
Explain that there shouldn’t be a reason why it is brought up seeing that you can’t and won’t help him with that. That way he knows he’s only hurting himself and you when he thinks or even talks about that stuff and he’ll stop doing it.

Finchie40 · Answer

So basically he is saying you aren’t good enough so if I was you I would really reconsider marrying him to be honest with you , That sort of shit is toxic and disrespectful , a manipulative trait , when someone loves and values you they don’t compare you, the fact that he is bringing her up is a huge red flag

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Not good but…seems okay when he said don’t worry that he won’t leave you.
still not a good feeling…but some times some guys can suck. Try to talk to him how it’s not a good feeling with such conversation. Hope he matures a bit and think things through before he say it.

tenor55 · Answer

I guess it depends on the inflection in his voice. If I ever said that, it would mean that my life is so good with my wife, I wonder how bad it would have been. Like, “I wonder what life would have been like with HER?” If he is asking longingly, that is different.

I think we all wonder what life would have been had we not made one decision or another.

jshm2 · Answer

He could have said "your sister" instead, kiddo. So things could be worse.

He's clearly just naïve and you should tell him not to be such a soft dick and to keep these thoughts as thoughts. He thinks it's him being "honest" with you, but it's just silliness.

Account · Answer

If that was said to me, I would have left on the spot. I can't deal with hearing things that wreck me.
I can acknowledge that it might be immature on my part, but I have no other way of dealing with such things. That would break me.

Anonymous · Answer

Lol she’s still his number 1. He just settled for you. You shouldn’t be happy w that at all. It makes it sounds as though being w you isn’t enough. He’s still wanting something better. Guarantee you if you said that to him he would be irate. I think you really need to consider this engagement. It’s one thing to think it, unless you’re in an abusive relationship but even worse to say it especially when things seem good. How long have you two been together? Why didn’t he end up w her?

Straight2thepoint · Answer

Yeah, we ALL do. But the difference between females, and males. We compromise and adapt to our life. Because constantly comparing, and analyzing, judging, over reacting, causes one to be unhappy. Yeah sure it's a different person, but why live in a constant day by day reminder.

abc3643 · Answer

It SHOULD upset you.
This is a yellow, but not (yet) a red flag.

I don't have much time to write - PM me if you wish - but, from personal experience, I was in his position albeit I was not engaged to my next girlfriend.

Jack0ff779 · Answer

You need to break up with him NOW PRONTO That is the biggest fucked up red flag any guy could say AND give to a woman. Jesus christ even i wouldn't say that shit to another woman. That is some real fucked up shit. By him even saying such a thing he's questioning his time AND relationship with you. If he denies these accusation he's full of shit. Dump him NOW before it's to late before he dumps you or cheats on you and looks at other women

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's incredibley stupid! I mean we all have those "what if" thoughts. But if you tell your partner you're doing it for 1 of 2 reasons.

1. You estimate your relationship to be strong enough to tell your girlfriend truthfully. Which is NEVER a good gamble!🤣🤣🤣

Or

2. You're doing it DELIBERATELY to see what her reaction will be.

In my opinion. Either way a guy should NOT do this.

Swollerbear · Answer

Second guessing is normal. Why he's talking about that with you is a strange.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I wouldve been like well wander your wondering ass over there. We wouldve been done

sunflower00 · Answer

That’s not nice of him to say, that would hurt me too.

insalata · Answer

Why did he tell you this in the first place? Sounds kinda rude

LovingJo · Answer

Yes, but it's fucking disrespectful to say this in front of you!!

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I think it's fine. He's just being honest with you and sharing his deep thoughts. I consider that an honor. That means he trusts you.

Sasha0426 · Answer

I would tell him to go find out. Meaning, I’m done with him and the relationship. Don’t put up with that!

DaveToo · Answer

There's a bit of hidden regret in him. Be careful before you totally commit.

thegooglepixelfan · Answer

Is should upset you. Is amber flags and could turn into a red flag.

Songomatic · Answer

That's why you don't listen to others only yourself when you like someone. Either way you'll learn and find out. Positive or negative choice.

desperatelyhungry · Answer

simply put: oof

EaterPeter · Answer

Yes and no.

Anonymous · Answer

Regret him

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