Can a bad person worsen your flaws?

[Anonymous]

I've always been a bit lazy in some aspects. However, when I was with my ex boyfriend (a terrible person), I started neglecting myself more and even gained some weight. I was listening to his ''you don't need to fix yourself at all, you look great in just your pajamas'' BS line. It was a lie.

I literally wasn't even putting an effort to take care of myself too much. Then I've realized when a man doesn't care about his girlfriend looking good/presentable at least, he's up to no good. If it's not after sex, he's after money too. He was indeed after our money.

As soon as I blocked him, I began realizing my flaws and started working on them. Seriously can a bad person add more negativity to the flaws you already had and make things worse?

Updates

+1 y

My mother always thought he was up to no good because a normal man wants his girlfriend to take care of her self and not be a mess but he didn't care. She thought that was weird and that something fishy was going on. She was right in the end. He didn't love me, never did.
He was basically trying to make me as disorganized and unattractive as possible so I don't get any attention and he gets our money. Ever since dumping him, I've gotten attention and seem to be looking younger.

[Guy13]

Most definitely they can contribute to our shortcomings.

[Asker]

The worse thing is finding out you've been made a fool and were always the laughing stock of them, that everything they ever did and say was a lie.

[Guy13]

The right man wants you to fly high in all ways and in all things and still be a manned-up Man in his own dealings. Your Mom was right. Moms usually are.

Give yourself a year. Meet people etc. NO serious for awhile. www.meetup.com

[UniquelyBasic]

Its contagious. Being around a terrible person can start to affect you and bring you down. Also works the other way where a fun and happy person will rub off on you.

[Asker]

Indeed. I'll refer to my toxic ex boyfriend as Joe and my current boyfriend as Max.
Things that were happening with Joe the narcissist:
- I would find myself suddenly crying some nights, thinking of my future, wondering when we'll get marry (my friends already had kids, all except me)
- Find myself constantly arguing with my mother, believing she was the reason for the drama in our relationship
- Mom was talking bad about him and he was talking bad about my mother, back and forth and they would never make peace
- Felt like walking on eggshells at some point; anything trivial would get him upset and he would start every single argument
- I would wonder why he would go from ''you're the love of my life'' to all of the sudden go into a screaming tantrum and threatened to break-up. In my mind I was like ''What on earth happened, first I'm the love of your life and now you want to leave me, why that extreme''?
- Feeling more sad that he suddenly changed for making promises of marriage and kids to an making excuses about marriage being just a piece of paper
- I started to feel that our relationship was turning into an employer/mean manager thing. He was acting like my boss, making me believe he can fire me (break-up) at any time and I can be replaceable; I hated that feeling. It made me feel worthless, humiliated.
- I had to lie and fake believing in god because he wouldn't accept me as an atheist; his repeated phrase as ''atheists are stupid''
- I was worried about having to make food presentations of food and cleaning the house; he forced me to send pictures of all that... I was doing it out of pressure

[Asker]

My relationship with my Max, a health, normal man:
- I feel like an equal partner; neither him nor me have the upperhand
- Not a single horrible argument, no name calling nor yelling matches
- My relationship with my mother has greatly improved and we rarely argued by now
- I can finally be an atheist and have my own views on certain topics without getting insulted
- We had conversation of our future goals (marriage topic too) and on Friday, he wants to talk more about that. He never once said ''marriage is just a piece of paper''.
- I can cook without being pressure to do a great presentation and take pictures.
- No more walking on eggshells nor worrying about ''omg if I say something wrong or do the wrong things, he'll break up with me'' thing
- I don't cry anymore and haven't for the longest

[dustybiker]

It’s the depression from allowing someone to effect you.

[Asker]

I'm not depressed anymore. I got more upset with myself for ever giving him my time and years. I'm now in a healthy relationship but I would've been married with kids long ago already.
The POS is still out there lying to other women, wasting their time.

[MCheetah]

Definitely. Progressive GAG trolls being cowardly anons and talking sh*t to everyone on here, do it all the time. And sometimes, I fail to ignore them and they can get me with their bait.

[FilmGuy93]

Yes, absolutely. There is nothing more potentially destructive in life than a bad relationship.

[Asker]

Indeed. When I was in that toxic relationship, my mother and I had terrible arguments all of the sudden. It got to the point he made me believe mom was the cause of our relationship drama.
Now that he's out of my life and I've been with my current boyfriend for nearly a year (Dec 27th will mark our 1st year), mom and I rarely ever have those types of arguments and we now get along.

[Asker]

My toxic ex boyfriend was trying to make me look unattractive so I wouldn't get any attention and he would keep me to himself and get money from us. Sick, horrible man.

[LazerBean]

They typically do.

[CoolCatMar1]

I think yes

[Asker]

I wished I've never met him.

[CoolCatMar1]

Hmm i feel bad for you sis..

[Jack0ff779]

Yeah he can

[Asker]

I regret ever bumping into him. Even though I'm now in a new relationship, I wish I've never met that lying, narcissist, male golddigger POS.

[Jack0ff779]

How old is your ex and how old is your new guy?

[Asker]

My ex even lied about his real age. When I we (well me, not him) were younger, he said he was born in 1984; I'm from 1987. Lie. He's really from 1976 but who knows if that's even a lie too.
My current boyfriend is 43 years old.

[Asker]

My ex was one of those man that used his youthful looks to lie about his age. He did that for so long but eventually age caught up with him. In the end it was him that ended up getting fatter, having health issues (high blood pressure, prediabetes, high cholesterol and high triglycerides) and aging badly meanwhile I'm now looking healthier and younger than my age.

[Jack0ff779]

So your ex is 46. I was born in 77 and i got high cholesterol but not prediabetic as for getting fatter i don't think i am whatever weight i put on is to help me bench heavier weight as for aging badly i don't think i aged badly

[Jack0ff779]

How long were you with your ex and how long have you been with this new guy?

[Asker]

That POS got me when I was 19 and lied about being 22 at the time. The thing is he had to lie in order to be accepted in the relationship. At the time, I wanted to date a guy closer to my age range and he knew if he said he in his early 30's, I would've rejected him.
If someone has to lie to be accepted that's still robbing the person out of their choice, stealing their time and years from them.
At least my current boyfriend is honest about his age (then again I'm now 35) and I accepted that.

[Asker]

I've been on and off with my ex; in a relationship for one year (in the same place), then in a long-distance relationship for 4 years, then just as long-distance friends and then again in the long-distance relationship for another 4 years. He kept me as a long-distance girlfriend for too long; things never went anywhere, it was all a lie.
I've been with my current boyfriend for yearly a year now. On Dec 27, it'll be exactly a year.

[Jack0ff779]

When i met the love of my life 5+ years ago she was 25 i was 40/39. Christ i been deeply in love with her all these years. I saw her a few days ago. We had just gotten into a really big fight for several days and i wasn't sure if i even wanted to see her but i still did to support her and because i love her even though I'm still kind of ticked off at her still

[Jack0ff779]

Here's a weird thing about that i tried so many times to see if she wanted to meet up when she wasn't doing her career work and she never once gave me an answer. And for the past couple of years i been looking for places in her state but all that's been turning up is either desert dirt or way up north hundreds of miles from where she is. There were so many times i thought of just pitching a tent in the fucking street and living in that just to be closer to her but i keep thinking to myself i got to use my head more in all of this. My biggest concern is where would i live once i move 3000 miles to where she is.

[Jack0ff779]

Well at least neither uses fake accounts to talk to you like my girlfriend does and neither talks to you indirectly like my girlfriend does since she can't be bothered to talk to me under her regular account abd talk to me like a real person

[Jack0ff779]

Mine can't be bothered to pick up a phone and call or text or direct message (dm) me or FaceTime or Skype me or anything instead it's always some fake account or talking to me indirectly through her regular account

[Asker]

I learned that if it's a long-distance relationship for too long or as you're explaining (your girlfriend can't talk to you under her regular account) then it's not really a serious relationship.
I was very clear with my current boyfriend that I'm looking forward towards getting married and having kids. I'm tired of dating around, tired of being kept in the infatuation stage for too long and not interested in being a man's forever girlfriend. My ex boyfriend used to lovebombed me too much (''oh my beautiful wife'', oh ''the love of my life'', ''oh I love you forever, etc') but lied about the most important thing to me; he lied about wanting marriage and kids. He gave me nothing but pure garbage.

[Asker]

I learned that hard way that if a man is lovebombing me too much and making me believe I'm the love of his life but won't marry me, then I ain't the love of his life. Just like you were telling an employee that he's the best worker ever and is suitable for management position but never promote him... then he's not the best worker ever.

[Jack0ff779]

Yeah well i proposed several times she never gave me a yes or no. I even bought her 2 rings second one was an upgrade from the first which cost 3,800 dollars

[Jack0ff779]

And she still is the love of my life and i will always love her forever

[Jack0ff779]

And i was never once after her money. In all the 5+ years I've known her I've never once asked her for a penny not one cent. If anything i left everything i own to her in my last will. And she's supported her ex's financially and now she's supporting this guy she's with financially

[Asker]

At least you proposed and if she's didn't give you a straight forward ''YES'' I give you the same advice as if this were a woman whose man never proposed; walk away while you can and don't waste anymore time. Find a woman that wants marriage.
While loving is good, it's not great to be string along and it not going anymore.

[Asker]

''it not going anywhere''
Meanwhile I never in my life got proposed to. That user kept claiming I'm ''the love of his life'' but then conveniently found excuses not to get married, suddenly changing his stance on it being just a piece of paper, how I'm not ready for marriage, etc. BS. So I was never the love of his life.

At least your ''she's the love of my life'' matches your actions (you proposing several times) and you tried.