Can not having a partner for a long time put a toll on your mental health?

[Anonymous]

Can it make it to the point where you’re depressed?

[caring__1]

Not having anything we prioritize can put a toll on our mental health. For some people, relationships are a priority, while others might prioritize material possessions or pets. If you truly aren't interested in a relationship, then not having one won't impact your mental health. If you feel being alone is impacting your mental health, maybe being in a relationship is more important to you than you realize.

Based on what you've previously written, I sense you have mixed feelings about relationships. You don't like how they complicate your life, but you still focus on them. Come up with a realistic, attainable goal, and get rid of the outside pressures implying you should or shouldn't fit a particular mold. Your ideal relationship is based on what you believe will work for you, not what others say should work. You may find potential partners with 3 hands to be extremely helpful. Who cares what others might say... as long as it works for you?

[Asker]

What if I have nothing to offer?

[caring__1]

No one has nothing to offer... even if it is just an ear to listen. Ask the people closest to you what they believe you bring to the table. Just make sure you are clear up front, so others don't make assumptions.

[Asker]

Actually, I’ve been told I have nothing to bring to the table. Everyone I know has made it clear I’m not relationship material. Even myself knew that.

[Asker]

And assumptions have already been made about so there’s that 🤷‍♀️

[Asker]

*about me

[caring__1]

What do you value in a relationship? Are you willing to give what you want to receive? Everything has a cost. It's up to you to determine whether you're willing to pay the cost or not. Just because you haven't chosen to bring anything to the table in the past doesn't prevent you from bringing something to the table now. Describe your reasons for wanting to be in a relationship and what you seek, and I may be able to help you see paths you can take to get there.

One of the main problems tends to be the people we choose as partners. If they're not compatible, and you expect them to change, you'll be very disappointed. Never expect selfish people to care about anything other than themselves. Choose people based on who they already are rather than the person they can become. Similarities are more stable over time than expecting someone who is different to make you whole.

[Asker]

What if I never been in a relationship?

[caring__1]

There was a time when you only drank out of a baby bottle. Did that prevent you from learning how to drink out of a cup? We either have the ability or have the ability to acquire the ability. Don't give up before putting forth a legitimate effort.

[Asker]

To be honest, I lost all hope.

[caring__1]

It sounds like you gave up before you truly applied yourself. What is it about yourself that you feel is so terrible and can't be changed? Living is about change leading to growth. When you feel fully grown, there is nothing to look forward to other than death (and taxes).

[Asker]

There’s a lot of terrible things about me that has kept me single for this long.

[caring__1]

Name 3 terrible things you believe you can't change about yourself.

[Asker]

I wouldn’t say they can’t be changed but here’s my 3:
1) I don’t drive
2) I live at home
3) And I’m not mentally ok

[caring__1]

My son's fiancee has a medical condition that won't allow her to drive, yet that never got in the way of their relationship. We all live at home... are you saying you choose to let someone else support you? Do you hold down a job? Your mental state can improve with therapy and/or medication.

People respect those who put forth a legitimate effort, even if the results are less than ideal. A sense of entitlement can be a major turn-off for many. We all face challenges. How we face those challenges determines how others see us.

[Asker]

I do have a job.
I just want to be someone’s ideal woman. But, I feel that’s never going to happen. So I don’t even bother with trying.

[Asker]

What if I go for something casual? Nothing long term. Just date, have sex, and that’s it.

[caring__1]

If you're capable enough to learn what is necessary to hold down a job, you are capable of learning what is necessary to hold down a relationship.

Focusing on perfection is setting yourself up for failure. No one is ideal. You just want to match in enough ways to keep the energy flowing. Chances are, you believe you know what an ideal woman would be like, yet there is no one-size-fits-all partner. I'm not drawn to the typical Barbie Doll look and attitude.

Don't enter a relationship believing you know what he wants. Get to know him, what he values in a relationship and what his red flags are. Ask him to share what he's learned from his past relationships, though never seek details of who he did what with. Apply the knowledge you acquire through this exploration and discovery phase in what you bring to the relationship.

Don't do things just to please him. Only users are interested in being on the receiving end of that. Healthy partners prefer seeing your real reaction to things that are meaningful to you. You know when someone is just tolerating. That won't energize a relationship. The object is to incorporate the true essence of you into what is meaningful to him. It's not all about you, and it's not all about him... it's discovering the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

[caring__1]

If you go for something temporary, just to have someone to do things with and have sex with, you'll probably end up feeling empty, disappointed, frustrated and even more lonely. Don't let others use you or use others just because you believe you aren't relationship material. For every type of person, there are people who appreciate that type of person. It's easier to find a special connection when we are clear about who we are, what we bring to the relationship and what we appreciate in a relationship. Rather than becoming a clone of what you believe the other person wants, clearly and consistently show who you are. Changing to win a person over becomes bait and switch when you revert back to the real you. No one likes to be on the receiving end of that.

The best way to connect with someone is to reach out to see things through that person's eyes. Make sure both of you always feel safe, secure and special. Never accuse, assume, blame, criticize, demand, rationalize, yell, or tell people what they should or shouldn't do.

[JustMeL120]

Absolut shit. Some girl told me I was anatractive and poor and stupid for not knowing how to drive. Please don't believe those people in less than 50 years they will be old and close to death. They are not that important don't let them ruin your life.

[nolabels]

Sure.

So can being in a non-healthy full-time relationship.

Mental health can be a darned tricky thing to deal with.

Extremely so.

[Red-Blaze]

Yes but its not that not having one dose it
But having one can help lower the toll or more correctly deal with it
A partner is someone to support at the hard times to worry and care, that is for a good panter
A bad one likely to get it all worse

[JustMeL120]

No men are a nightmare. I love being alone. I still hope to find love one day. But until then I am enjoying myself being on my own.

[chris_987]

Not if you have friends, but human beings are communal creatures so you could actually die from not interacting with people

[Ptrmbrs88]

It would depend on the person's personality.

[hbg84]

Four some yes it probably could.

[Bklynbadboy12]

No the only person that can do that to you is you

[Anonymous]

It can. Still there sometimes

[Anonymous]

Nah i don't hold garbage too long.

[In_Trance]

In your case, yes

[Asker]

If I had anything to offer, I would consider it.

[dudeinohio]

I believe it can.