If a potential partner had a mental illness, would that be a deal-breaker for you?

Question

If not, are there some things you would deal with and others you would not?

Any experience or stories are welcome.

This is meant as an open and honest dialogue to get a general feel for the general opinion of the state of this subject in the modern age.

Makeushiver · Accepted Answer

Mental illness covers a very broad spectrum of disability. Some, like OCD or depression ( neither diagnoses are still recognized by the DSM IV but are still the same syndromes with more current names). Mild depression is often treated with SSRIs (serotonin reuptake inhibitors) like Paxil, Zoloft they have unpleasant side effects such as loss of libido, weight gain, fatigue. or SNRIs ( selective Norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (Buproprion (Wellbutrin/Zyban) which actually increase energy, sexual drive, and weight loss). Other meds such as Zyprexa and these are classified as anti-psychotics but are not as overwhelming as the ones they use institutionally e. g. Thorazine, Haloperidol. Next up the scale are those syndromes known- at least were known as Schizophrenia and Psychosis. These diseases can sometimes be treated successfully with medication and can allow the patient to remain as an outpatient but the side effects of some pf these meds. are unpleasant enough that patients often stop taking them ( fatigue is usually the biggest complaint). Schizophrenia is often identified since it almost always leaves patient symptom free until mid-late teens and worsens with age.

I would need much more info to give you any more info and if you want to DM me, I will try. This, however, should be diagnosed, treated by a professional. There are many options to treat mental illness that still have a bad rep. which are now undeserved. Electric shock is something frequently used because it is much less harmful, painful than it was earlier in its history. If this ever is an emergent situation and you do not seem to be able to get through to him you can contact EMTs or cops and ( in most states) they will put him on a "5250" (CA terminology) which is a 72 hour hold. The criterion for this is if you believe he is a danger to himself or others. If there are any chemicals involved, they must be eliminated in order to establish a baseline for assessment. Street ( or even Rx drugs) which can exacerbate this issue are amphetamines ( esp. methamphetamine), cocaine ( or is pharmaceutical equivalents eg. Ritalin, Focalin. Alcohol, Benzodiazepines (Xanax, Valium, Librium, Ativan); psychedelics eg. Ecstasy, LSD do not stop any of the first 3 mentioned w/o medical supervision. Good luck

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Just depends on what her mental illness is and how it impacts our relationship together , I was married to a girl that suffered from anxiety and depression and BPD , I thought I could handle her , in the beginning it wasn’t that bad , but as time went on it got worse and worse to the point it felt like I was married to Dr Jeykll Mr Hyde , Basically she would be sweet and loving and caring to me , then like a flip of a switch , she turned evil and mean towards me , to the point I felt like I was walking on egg shells around her , not knowing what I was coming home to , and always having a question mark over my head on whether she was being serious or was it the mental illness talking , sadly it wasn’t a healthy relationship and the best thing I did was walk away from it , even though I loved her and cared about her , I couldn’t tolerate the abuse anymore. her mental illness was sadly starting to impact me and made me start feeling like I was losing my mind going back and fourth from positive to negative , As time went on her negativity towered her positivity, she was barely ever happy and pretty much blamed me for everything. When I threw in the towel and separated from her , I eventually started dating other girls’ that didn’t suffer from mental illness and honestly I kicked myself in the ass for tolerating my exes abuse for as long as I did. She sadly needs to be institutionalized and needs shock therapy or some shit , because her meds would only work for a short period of time , that’s if she took them to begin with , I felt bad for her but I realized I couldn’t save her. Her negativity brought constant misery into my life and i feel sorry for anyone that gets involved with someone like that

DizzyDesii · Accepted Answer

After dealing with family and a few exes, hell yea its a dealbreaker. Those mfs blindsided me (and probably themselves) and it still scares me. So no I’m not gonna intentionally date someone who suffers from a mental illness. I’ve already dealt with those going through depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, body dysmorphia, disassociate disorder, psychosis, ptsd, schizo etc. I could probably give someone with OCD or paranoia a try just because i feel like I’ve gone through those two on occasion and undiagnosed. But mine has never been as extreme as what I’ve read about. Mine felt more like OCD out of habit or paranoia because I think of every possible consequence before acting on something. But what I read didn't seem anything like that

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

It depends on what it was. I mean, if it was something like paranoid schizophrenia, then yeah that might be a dealbreaker. But a mental illness like anxiety, depression, or PTSD… Absolutely not! Between my anxiety, my depression, and my PTSD I'm like a basket full of mental illness. I'm the last person on earth to ever judge somebody else, just because they have a mental illness.

Laura 🤗 🥰

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If the person has a psychotic disorder, it would be an absolute dealbreaker. Some personality disorders, such as borderline PD or addictions, would also be deal breakers. If they were suffering with depression or anxiety, I would certainly not let that get in the way of a relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends. for instance depression is largely spread throughout the population, even more if you consider the dormant depressive states in people. many people had, are or will experience a depressive phase. Some illnesses can be terrible to live with, anyone familiar with psychosis will confirm. I've been with a partner who suddenly suffered from auditory hallucinations, disorganized/irrational speech, irrational fears not previously happening, panic attacks, everything of this happening at the same time, the same day. it didn't stop, so we ended up at the ER, hospitalization followed, long story. It's very hard to see a partner breaking while you can't do shit about it, you dont recognize her bc its not really her anymore, and in the end its even harder when its the signal of a long term or permanent disorder because you find yourself with someone that may have completely changed. yeah, depression is easy, ok in comparison, some illnesses are much much more complicated

BCA6010 · Answer

It depends on what exactly that illness is. If it's something that doesn't involve violent outbursts or prevent them from functioning on their own, then it's possible I would be willing to put up with it.

I had a bipolar roommate for a few weeks and I would definitely not want to deal with that in a relationship. I also dated a woman who was chronically depressed and that was exhausting to the point that I think it still subconsciously influences me to avoid dating entirely.

Since it's related, I'll also mention that listing out physical and/or mental conditions to paint yourself as a victim (whether in online dating or in person) is very unattractive. I don't want to hear about what's holding you back; I'd much rather hear about what you've accomplished.

7Phoenix7 · Answer

My ex husband developed a special mental illness 7 years into our relationship.

It's rare but it's delusional disorder... jealous type.

It wasn't a deal breaker for me. I stayed and did my best to convince him of the truth for 7 more years...

Until I had to leave. Because he refused to get help.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

It depends to what degree really. And in our current society we tend to classify things as "mental illness" that used to be considered to be just a variation of normal. For example, I've heard of moderate anxiety classified as "mental illness". Whereas in the past we'd just say that the person has a tendency to be anxious or have a higher level of anxiety than normal.

WriteOn · Answer

Excellent question. Depends on when it happened.
Head injuries- are different, but I developed a severe one from grief and mistreatment during such. But I am extremely proactive about not letting it affect others. Constantly trying to stay positive. But if someone has an issue, and they refuse to do what professionals tell them to do-the person shouldn't be in a relationship.

MemeSupreme · Answer

depends what it is but maybe bc i got my own which would be a recipe for disaster lmao

in my experience tho, people i think either don't wanna do it or are ignorant about it so they're willing to date someone with one, which they'll only stay if they're willing to tolerate it lol

sobg1124 · Answer

No. not at all. Actually, it might even be preferred because I have bi-polar 2 disorder myself, and am looking for a girlfriend who will, hopefully, accept my (sordid) history and my mental illness (I've been very stable/on exactly the right medication for the past 6 years).

RetroReviews · Answer

In the past I didn't let it stop me cuz both of my Ex-Wives had severe mental issues, but going forward I may think twice about it

Iron_Man · Answer

no I would help her get it straightened out

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Depends entirely on the illness in question, but yes, that could easily be a deal breaker for me.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Mental illness is normal nowadays so it wouldn’t be a deal breaker to some.

slatyb · Answer

What sort of mental illness? Are they getting treatment? How does it impact their life?

Agape93 · Answer

Nope. The only ones I'll avoid are anyone with NPD, ASPD or some flavors of autism.

Rapport · Answer

It’ll only be a dealer breaker for me if the mental illness becomes overwhelming for me to deal with. Not an instant deal breaker though.

Anonymous · Answer

Probably. And I wouldn't hold that against her if she felt the same way.  I haven't dated any women that I knew had any mental illnesses yet... well, beyond being a woman.🙃😆

OddBeMe · Answer

As someone with bipolar 2, my wife had done an excellent job with me. I def looked up “living with spouses mental illness”

Jrg98 · Answer

I couldn’t do it I vibe off others too easily and I couldn’t handle that

dudeinohio · Answer

Probably not. Depends on what it is... but still Probably not a deal-breaker.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Depends on the mental illness;some are more serious than others.

MasterKS · Answer

Sadly! Whatever you try at the end it would be deal breaker! what i know from my experiences!

exitseven · Answer

Yes, I have had enough crazy in my life.

Staximus · Answer

I'm done dealing with mental cases

Twalli · Answer

Depends in the type of mental illness

LazerBean · Answer

Yeah, probably

shortster · Answer

Not really

eagle1951 · Answer

probably

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