How many of you are okay with your Girlfriend or Boyfriend being friends with their exes, liking photos, messaging on whatsapp etc etc?

[Anonymous]

I am not - I dont trust their exes

I am fine with it - I trust her/him

[Naydyonov]

In principle, if your partner is a good partner, then in their previous relationship they acted normally and would've probably found a partner who also was normal. If so, then the breakup would not have occurred for bad reasons (like abuse), but rather due to incompatibility (ex: life goals). In this case, there'd be no absolute reason to exclude a friendly platonic relationship.
I question this: When breaking up with a person you care about, why should you forever exclude them from your life?

In a way, it is contradictory. The closer the person, the greater the exclusion post breakup is supposed to be. Why?
If it is a friend, but then later you reconnect, people will be happy that this connection was reestablished. If it is a sibling you stay in touch with, people will be happy.
If it is a coworker or the pizza-guy who came in to your office at your previous job, people think it is nice to maintain that connection even after moving on in life.
But when it comes to the person you once loved, you should forever never reach out to find out if everything is okay with them? It doesn't seem logical to me. If the breakup has been accepted by both sides, each person seeking or having new partners, then why should it be unacceptable for each to check up on the other?

When it comes to family, if your, say, cousin, who you've never met, reached out to you asking for help, would you not help? Not help as in money necessarily. But perhaps just advice, or someone to look after their child for the day, or whatever else. I think most people would at least seriously consider helping the relative who they've never met by virtue of familial relation.

A romantic partner is definitely closer than that, even if now an ex. If during the relationship, you were willing to risk your life to save them, if need be, then why post-breakup should you not be able to at least check once in a while that their earthly existence continues in non-miserable conditions?

[DextroShade]

This is great example of a simp mindset.

[Naydyonov]

@DextroShade Nope. It is an example of a mindset: once a brother, always a brother; once a lover, always a lover; once your child, always your child, once a friend, always a friend, so on.
Once a connection is created between you and another person, let's say a friend, even if you end up as enemies, there will always have been a moment in time when you were friends. So if an enemy, this will be a person you hate even more because they once were your friend. An enemy you don't know is better than an enemy who was a friend.
But it works the say way positively too. If you had a childhood friend, even though as adults you will feel you don't really know this person, you will still have some kind of feeling towards them you'd not have about some stranger: "this is someone I knew and cared about, I'd like to know what is going on with him now".
Same principle with a former girlfriend. If the relationship was healthy, just because you have a new girlfriend and she has a new boyfriend doesn't mean you must now hate each other or act as though you are complete strangers.
Maybe your relationships end badly so it isn't so. For me, it's never been an issue to reach out to an old friend or girl I liked to just talk about what's new in life. Our relationships always faded away amicably due to circumstances. Often times, talking once again actually confirms to me that we were not meant to be together as people.
So, for me, it is simple: if you were my friend, I will always, metaphorically, reach out my hand to shake yours, if some time in the future you reach out to me.

[DextroShade]

This is incredibly naive and shows that you lack life experience.

[Naydyonov]

@DextroShade So far in my life, I've mostly not been ending relationships with people on a bad note. So whether with friends or girls, in most cases if I or they reach out, we just talk about our lives, offer support or even just start talking again as acquaintances.
The only cases of communication really being blocked off is because the girl didn't want to talk. Not from my end.
So I don't know what your life experience is, that you believe it to be normal for two close people to break up and essentially shun one another forever, but to me, it doesn't seem indicative of healthy breakups. Of course, the first months you don't talk. But a few years later, why not? Just to catch up. Has worked well for me.

[Finchie40]

If someone can’t let go of their ex then they truly don’t value you period , they just like the convenience of you , people that hold on to their exes are selfish people that only really care about themselves , they don’t consider their so called partner’s feelings period , An ex is an ex for a reason , you should not be pursuing another relationship with someone else if you aren’t over
Your ex period, it’s disrespectful and shows your true character of what kind of person you truly are. , Selfish , if I date a girl that still keeps in contact with her ex , I will no longer continue dating her because she is clearly not ready to give herself completely to me , she is just weighing her options and just likes the convenience of you most girl’s will latch onto a rebound when her boyfriend dumps her basically to make him jealous , she might be able to get me in bed but she will not get my heart 100 percent

[ProbablyClueless]

I'm not down with that, it's literally just the question of why? Like, why is this even a thing; what value is this person adding to your life at this point that you feel the need to invest in your connection with this person of all people?

I think I'm especially wary of that kind of thing because I've seen how flaky, noncommittal and generally weird people are about deciding which relationships they want to invest into. The relationships that people put time and effort into often make no sense to me at all. And a lot of people also go scorched Earth with their exes, so it's especially weird to me that someone feels a desire to see past whatever conflict they had with this one particular person to actively foster a continued connection with them.

[WhitneySnow]

It would bug me. I would have to be sure that their friendship was completely non romantic and non sexual before I’d be ok with it.

[WhitneySnow]

That being said, there’s no reason your SO can’t have friends or even BFFs of a different gender as long as there’s nothing romantic or sexual about it.

[DextroShade]

Contact with exes is a deal-breaker for relationships with me and I know a lot of other men who think as I do. It is completely unnecessary and unacceptable.

[Nikki1989]

No chance of that ever happening to us. We don't text and we don't use social media.

[exitseven]

nope, if they are exes or guys she had sex with they are not allowed. If that is too controlling well tjhan see ya later.

[Anonymous]

Nope, not me. Whatever their relationship was, it's done now, it's over. Respect your partner by not maintaining communication with your ex.

[LiamJHayden]

I won't be with someone I do not trust, so I'd have no issue with it.

[LemiaOfThunder]

I only had a problem because I was told how abusive and controlling he was

[Sdexam]

Really? Gunna hang out with someone that you used to F when ur with a new partner? Cmon now

[Lyndsielee666]

Yea hard pass from me.

[strateguy632]

it is ex, no threat so no worries