Recently I found out my boyfriend had saved sexual photos of other girls. We have been dating for 2 years. Is that okay?

[bookgirl_]

We are dating for almost 2 years. Recently I was feeling very insecure and wanted to check if he's talking to any other girls. I found out he had a folder with sexual pictures of other girls, even though he told me he doesn't do that. This has been going on for about a year since we started dating or even more and he said he stooped doing it when I said it's a problem. Was it alright to do that in the first place?

[SueShe]

The entire relationship is a huge mess, not only because he lied to you but also because you are unable to trust him and that you did what you should not have done.

You probably found out that he had those pictures by snooping in his smartphone or computer and that alone is a red flag. If you had your doubts, you should have asked him to show you the smartphone and/or PC and you could have gone through his data with his full knowledge.

Fact is that your relationship is based on lies and lack of trust. It will never work and you are better off severing this relationship because you cannot trust that he does not lie to you and he cannot trust you not to snoop in his smartphone/PC.

[Iron_Man]

What do you recommend they do now?

[bookgirl_]

@Iron_Man yes. What do you recommend we do now?

[Iron_Man]

It depends how much you love this guy and how much success you’ve had in the past I would have to think about this hard and let you know later if you’re interested, you’ll have to mention me again soon

[Iron_Man]

But he should be punished either way

[bookgirl_]

@Iron_Man I love him a lot obviously but I really can't forgive this.

[SueShe]

I would recommend that you prepare a list of issues that you see within your relation and to each issue, you bring up a solution to the problem. Ask your boyfriend to do a similar list, independent from yours. Thereafter, you sit together and go over both lists trying to find a consensus that is acceptable to both parties. The important thing is not to be angry or accusing because that would not only falsify the outcome but make things only worse. Good luck.

The essence of a relation is in communication. This is what seems to lack in your relationship.

If you feel that the situation is tense, why don't you make a list of topics you feel both of you have an issue and besides each item, you bring a reply that you think would help the situation. Then ask him to do a similar list and also to write down how he sees improvement.

Then you sit together and attempt to find a consensus, bearing in mind that none of you should be angry or upset. That would falsify the outcome and rather than to help, this would only make things worse. Also, trying to impose one's view onto the other is not the right solution because the one or the other is under pressure to act on that imposition. Good luck.

[BigODonor]

Would you rather have found sexual photos of other men? If you aren't married, he's going to look at other women in public or look at porn or naked pictures of women if he wants to and there's nothing you can do about it. If he wants to fuck other girls even though he's supposedly exclusively dating you, there's nothing you can do about that except dump him and move on. Being insecure about it will just make it worse. If he's just enjoying the voyeurism aspect of porn and is fucking you and only you, you should be happy that he's not screwing around on you. Do you have pictures of the two of you engaged in sexual activity or just nudes of you? If not, do you think that if he had those he wouldn't want / need to look at "sexual pictures of other girls" and would focus on you alone? You need to discuss it with him, tell him that it bothers you and put your foot down and tell him that if he doesn't delete the photos that it's over between the two of you, and then do it if he keeps it up.

[Gent207-2]

That's a lot of red flags

Red Flag number 1.) He lied to you meaning he knew it was wrong and rather than owning up to it, he willfully covered it up.

RF 2.) He saved sexy pictures from his exes. He's not trustworthy with their material how much more so then with your pictures.

I would run far and fast

[AmyHew1tt]

Snooping on phones is a grey area, but I'd definitely be sketched out if my guy had sexual photos of other girls. I'd probably break up tbh

[bookgirl_]

I tried but he said it's not a big deal 😭

[AmyHew1tt]

If it's a big deal to you, it doesn't matter how he sees it. I doubt he'd be down with you having sexual photos of other men.

[bookgirl_]

It is a big deal to me. Although he told me it's not that much of a big deal as I think it is and that at least he didn't cheat on me 🤷‍♀️

[AmyHew1tt]

Well, I mean, you don't know, right? If it's a big deal, and he can't understand that, do yourself a favor girl and get out before he DOES cheat. He's not exactly showing signs of dedication.

[Nikki1989]

This relationship is doomed, but sadly you had to wait 2 years to find out.

[Anonymous]

Are they IRL girls or just celebrities etc

That makes a huge difference

[bookgirl_]

IRL girls

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, I'd ditch him... he can go and try to fuck one of them

[Anonymous]

You have to make the rules and set them