How devestating is it to self esteem to find out you were just a placeholder in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Like I have had time to reflect on my previous relationship and seen videos on YouTube and the reality was I was used as a placeholder I served a purpose in the moment then I was discarded like trash

Updates

1 y

I watched some videos on this and seen how it defined what I experienced in my relationship and it gave me chest pain because as a person who didn’t really experience acceptance before and thinking that I was only for it to be false and just be around only because I provide a resource of value

[Finchie40]

It sucks , but it also can help you to not depend on other people for your own happiness , realize that person that used you? was preparing you , for something better , I know it’s easier said than done , but focus on yourself and move on and realize you deserve better than that shit , someone that truly loves and cares about you , isn’t going to leave your side , they are going to stand by your side like you stand by theirs , it pretty much teaches you what to accept and not to accept the next time you meet someone

[Finchie40]

Also understand you are a man , and most females’ use a man for her selfish benefit, until she feels something better comes along , so let the other guy have her and find yourself a girl that wants to be your partner that wants to work with you not against you. That other guy will more than likely kick her ass to the curb where she belongs once he is done using her , if he doesn’t oh well , he still did you a favor by taking her selfish ass away from you. With my experiences with selfish girls’ most of them tried coming back to me , and I just laughed

[BetaBucks]

Don't feel bad bro. All guys are placeholders for the next guy. It's the nature of our species. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, it just means that your turn ended quicker than you had expected. If you understand hypergamy, this is all normal. And hypergamy is what keeps our species progressing. You just have to keep improving and learn to focus on your areas of value that actually matter for the long run in relationships. Plus, I'm sure you had some fun times and learned some valuable lessons.

[DishLady]

It feels like crap when you realize the person you’ve been thinking would form a relationship with you is still hung up on an ex but claiming it’s over, blah blah blah. You can see it if you look closely… that “I wish I wasn’t without her” look that just isn’t for you.

[ZamerZ]

It can be pretty damaging, but it's something you can fortunately work through. The most important thing is to recognize that your worth isn't determined by how people treat you.

[Asker]

I guess the part that really bothers me is I was treated as a placeholder when she wasn’t high value herself she lived like a slob, picked her nose, would fat when people were eating, threw temper tantrums when she didn’t get her way. Physically hit me and called me all sorts of horrible names. She abused our dog kicking and hitting him constantly calling me and me nuisances

[AI Opinion]

Oof, realizing you were a placeholder can feel like a gut punch to your self-esteem, can't it? It's like being the understudy for a role you didn't even audition for. Remember, though, this says way more about them than it does about you. It's about their inability to treasure the amazing person in front of them, not your worth or lovability. It stings, no doubt about it, but this can also be a powerful moment of reflection and growth. You're not trash; you're treasure that was mistakenly undervalued. Let's use this as a stepping stone to find someone who sees and cherishes your true worth. You've got this! Falling in love with yourself first is the secret sauce. Keep your chin up! 🌟

[Account]

It isn't devastating to me. We all are in one way or another. Pat yourself on the back, chin up, stop wallowing in self pity and move on.

[Asker]

I’m not wallowing in self pity but it has erroded my trust because if someone can’t present themselves the way she did who’s to say another women wouldn’t do the same exact thing

[Account]

I understand what you mean and of course there is the possibility of that happening again. But is that enough to deter you from actually living your life? We all bet, all the damned time. It is just the way it is.

[Nikki1989]

Change is a part of life. Most people just get over it and move on.

[Asker]

But that’s devastating that’s 2 years of life wasted that you can’t get back for someone who just seen you as temporary. Also it paints a picture that you were never good enough and you only was around because you served a purpose in the moment it’s just all around bad

[LiamJHayden]

I don't base my self-worth upon how others view me.

[Anonymous]

At this point? It isn't! I expect this from women so it's never devastating anymore.