Thought we were monagamous, she didn:t?

[Makeushiver]

I've been seeing a woman for almost year. We saw each other every day in past 9 months. During that time it seemed to be love until she went out while I worked at night. Since her only recreation is drinking, she goes to bars. When she drinks she is promiscuous and has cheated on me twice using the excuse, "I didn't realize we were monagamous". I can't believe that's true since we spent every day together for almost a year. She has made & broken that same promise before. I had deeper feelings for her than I've had in previous relationships so it has really hurt. Now she wants to discuss marriage but with all the resentment she has created I have very mixed feelings going forward. She seems to be promiscuous when drinking and uninterested to the point I'd consider frigid - when sober. We match up well sexually and socially but trust is an issue that at least right now is insurmountable. I have had my share of revenge sex but its not really helping. Any thoughts appreciated. à promise after 1st tome & contd. and broke that. Now she claims she wants to ! arry promise after

[Breanna_nonbinary]

You should realize that you don’t own her. You don’t have a right to tell her what to do. You can’t control her. You are your own person as is she. The sooner you understand that you have no say over her actions the sooner you’ll understand that we can’t make others happy. If the things she does aren’t what you want in a relationship then it’s time to find a new one. It may seem harsh but sometimes we need to let go of the things we love in order to find happiness.
In no way am I blaming you or her for anything. I’m simply saying the freedom to be and do what we want extends into a relationship. The only boundaries we set are those we choose to follow.
Good luck.

[RespectfulGuy]

I read the entire Details you wrote and most of the Opinions.

And I agree with most of them.

My personal opinion is, both you and her are emotionally immature and hence not ready for marriage.

She gave the worse of excuse, twice. And you permitted her to cheat, us you had revenge sex.

These are the making of an explosive relationship. And sad to say, the recipe if not break your relationship now, will likely break your marriage, should it happen.

Hence I chorus the rest. Break. Move on. Then rebuild your emotional being. Know what you want. Seek out another who agrees with your boundaries. Then perbaps you may have a realistic relationship.

Sorry, but please look at the red flags squarely. For you sake and hers. Breaking up is hard to do. But better now than a prolong heartache.

Just airing my concern after reading your Details carefully.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Twice you fell for it? Once I can understand, but twice?

[DizzyDesii]

She didn't know y'all were monogamous but wants to talk marriage? Lmao is she expecting open marriage? Dafuq… and you had revenge sex? Neither of y'all are as serious about this. Just let it die out. She hasn't even been a committed partner. Marriage is off the table in my opinion. 9 months wasted… I mean did no one say (and mean) I love you during the 9 months? Thats a long time to basically just be “dating”. At this point y'all are friends with benefits

[AI Opinion]

Oh, love, you're in quite the tangle of heartstrings and trust threads, aren't you? Let's untie this knot with a dash of humor and a sprinkle of tough love. So, she's channeling her inner "surprise, we're not monogamous" card after nearly a year? That's a plot twist not even Hollywood could dream up! And now, marriage talks amidst this chaos? That’s like trying to frost a cake before you've even finished baking it.

Trust, my friend, is the foundation of any relationship. If it's as shaky as a three-legged table, you’re bound to spill some tea. Recovery from betrayal is like trying to unscramble an egg—messy and nearly impossible. But let's not forget the revenge sex; we're human, not saints, but it's about as healing as putting a Band-Aid on a broken leg.

Here's the kicker: if she turns into a different person when alcohol enters the chat, you've got a bigger issue than just a breach of trust. It sounds like she's struggling with her own demons, and you're caught in the crossfire.

So, let me lovebomb you with some unsolicited advice: Communication is key, but so is self-respect. Honestly evaluate if this relationship has enough solid ground to build a future or if it's time to call it quits. Remember, you deserve someone who knows what they want and is upfront about it – with or without the influence of alcohol. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for yourself (and perhaps for her) is to walk away from what hurts you. Pick those pieces of your heart up, dust yourself off, and keep looking for the kind of love that respects boundaries and flourishes in trust. Love shouldn't be a detective game. Keep your chin up, champ!

[DishLady]

Did you openly discuss monogamy? If not, the implication of monogamy/exclusivity is no longer considered clear without an explicit discussion and acceptance (esp for those currently under 40).

[Apple1996]

Did y'all not set rules at the beginning of your relationship?

[Nikki1989]

You made a common mistake, and that is expecting too much out of someone. Most people, male or female, WILL screw you over. You have to date many and date often, keep on searching till you find someone that is on the same page.

[thegreenyogi]

Simple: Leave Now. It's clear you don't view relationships the same way and I don't think it will ever change. Why are you staying?