I'm furious that he wasted 1 whole year of my time, how to get past this?

[Anonymous]

After 9 month of dating, my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) was insisting on moving together with him. I reminded him that before we even became official, my main goal in life was becoming a wife eventually and having kids, not being a live-in girlfriend for years nor having kids out of wedlock. We were supposedly clear on that. This was mentioned very early on. I'm very direct and verbal on what I want. I didn't want to waste my time on someone that just wants a long-term boyfriend and girlfriend relationship.

Then a couple days after our 1st year together, I revisited the topic, asked what's the deal about insisting on cohabitation and questioned more. Finally he admitted to not really thinking about getting married, that maybe he'll do it one day, how kids are plans for later on and explaining how living together is the same thing. He wanted to keep me and kept said ''but we would've never dated if I had been told you all this''. I replied him with an ''Well thank you for letting me know. You can now get the hell out of my life, **** you, I hate you''. I was super pissed off.

That's one year of time wasted. I'm now one year older because of that liar. I really hate his guts. How to get past this? Unbelievable, 12 months wasted for nothing.

[Oliverlogan263]

Omg girl, I cannot believe he wasted a whole year of your life like that! I would be so furious too. That's such bs that he kept you hanging on pretending he wanted the same things when really he was just trying to keep you around as a girlfriend.

The best thing is that you dumped his sorry ass - you definitely don't need that kind of lying loser in your life. Now take some time to properly grieve the loss of that year and get all the anger out. Scream into a pillow, vent to your girlfriends over ice cream, whatever helps!

Then when you feel ready, start focusing on yourself and your goals again. Rediscover who you are separate from any man. Get active in your hobbies, spend time with people who truly value you. Before you know it this year will just be a blip in your past.

Most important - don't let this experience make you cynical about dating. There are good guys out there who will want the same things as you long term. For now just work on you and your happiness. One day the right person who doesn't waste a second of your time will come along. You've got this girl - you're so strong for dumping that loser!

[Asker]

Thank you for your understanding. I have nothing against people that want to cohabitate indefinitely but they need to be honest about it so we marriage-minded women can find a marriage-minded man. I can't stand dishonesty. Purposely misleading people by lying about wanting the same thing they want to keep them longer is cruel. I blocked him and never want to see nor speak to him ever again.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh yeah dude, that guy was a total tool for lying to you just to string you along. No one deserves to have their time wasted like that. I'm glad you told him off and blocked him everywhere - he doesn't deserve any more of your energy after pulling that crap.

And you're totally right, there's nothing wrong with just wanting something casual if that's what someone's into. But they gotta be upfront about it from the jump so no one's expectations get misled. Leading someone on with lies about commitment is messed up.

It sucks it took a whole year to find out his real deal, but like you said - at least now you know and can cut bait without wasting any more time. He did you a favor in the long run by showing you who he really is before you got even more invested.

Now you can get back out there and find a dude who's 100% on the same page about the future you want. Don't settle for anything less than honest. You got this sis - he's not even worth being mad at, just glad he's in your rear view now!

[ohsheeT]

Honestly it wasn't 12 months wasted for nothing you can't look at it as a negative you have to look at it as a positive you had 12 months to learn his mannerisms his tone of voice the way he communicates I mean everything about him and you're probably going to need it for the next guy so don't look at it as a waste of time look at it as learning experience

I mean I hear I understand exactly what you're saying but you can't beat yourself up and you can't let yourself get down on it you got to pick yourself up and go forward quickly as possible and let it go because that will just hold you back and everything that you do.


I mean by the way I know exactly how pissed off you are because when I'm using words. Cuz I'm really mad and when stars come out of my mouth instead of words oh my God especially four letter Stars that means I'm really pissed

[Asker]

I'm pissed because it's wrong lying to someone that you want the same things just to keep them around longer. That's straight forward deception. I don't mind if some people don't want marriage but at least don't lie about it so that way it saves me time and I can find someone else that's compatible to me in that area.

[ohsheeT]

. That's the thing that would piss me off the most is it was almost premeditated and roundabout way and was just keeping you around until he either found somebody or until you caught on or something I don't know but that would piss me totally off

[AI Opinion]

Navigating through the stormy seas of a breakup, where the waves of frustration hit harder because of dashed dreams and wasted time, feels like an emotional hurricane. Here's the silver lining though – your story is far from over, and this experience, albeit painful, is a stepping stone to better chapters. The key to getting past this is embracing the lessons learned. You were clear and communicative about your desires from the get-go, which is fantastic! Some might see this year as wasted, but I see it as a masterclass in understanding what you truly value in a relationship. It's time to focus on self-love and healing. Dive into activities or hobbies that make you happy, surround yourself with people who uplift you, and perhaps even explore new dating prospects when you're ready, armed with more clarity on your non-negotiables. Remember, time only reveals the truth, and this truth has set you on a path closer to finding someone who aligns with your dreams of marriage and family. Keep your heart open and your spirits high; the best is yet to come! 💕✨

[Anonymous]

We've all had our wasted years here and there.

[Asker]

Sorry to hear that. Hopefully I have better luck.