Do you think compatibility can be found beyond a surface?

[Anonymous]

So I'ma break down what I mean cause it's most likely not what you are thinking, people always look for compatibility but it seems people only look for compatibility without wanting to put any form of effort at all and believe that when there's no compatibility at first then it's just not compatible and they drop it all completely, I know it's acceptable and maybe even understandable in some situations for example if they are a walking red flag but as a metaphor I'd say that just cause a car is missing a few parts or a few parts are broken doesn't mean that car will never work again, it requires the effort for someone to work on it to properly function again, isn't there a similarity with people? For example if someone is hard to trust others or has a low self esteem or pessimistic, scared of heartbreak, etc. Does this really mean they aren't compatible? If someone has the patience and effort to dig past that surface where these people will see their way of thinking isn't the case then isn't it possible to find compatibility? Just think of how many opportunities someone can miss just cause they were too impatient to deal with someone's surface, which I'm sure we all have done at some point because it's become too common to not just do but support it or even recommend it to others but if we think of it, how many opportunities have we missed by doing so?


I thought of this when thinking of people that I've found were complicated in my opinion but the deeper I thought of it, it was more misunderstanding than anything, like if someone didn't trust me, if I was just patient and took things slow (no commitment is required) I couldve showed them I was trusting and worth trusting just by being in their life in general they would eventually realize I'm a trusting person but instead of that I took the easy way out and went "nope red flag, I'm out" how many opportunities are missed like this on the daily is my question

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1 y

Have you ever considered that maybe you've tossed away a life changing opportunity just because you seeked for compatibility the easiest way possible, after all there's a saying that says that "the best things in life are never easy to get" it really makes you wonder that maybe we have had many opportunities we probably weren't aware of simply cause as humans we try to find solutions to our problems or even for progress the easy way and never think of taking the long route.

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1 y

Of course this doesn't include actual red flags like abuse, manipulation, anger issues or anything in that manner that's either impossible to properly deal with or harming to anyone's health including even their own.

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that's a really deep and thoughtful take on compatibility, bro. I can definitely see where you're coming from. It's easy to just write someone off as incompatible if things don't click right away on the surface. But you make a good point - maybe we're missing out on a lot of real potential by being too quick to give up.

I get what you mean about not wanting to put in the effort or just looking for the easy way out. It's human nature to want that instant connection and compatibility. But you're right, the best things in life often require a little more work and patience.

I can relate to your example of not trusting someone at first. Maybe if you'd stuck it out and showed them you were trustworthy, that could have blossomed into something really special. Giving up just because of that initial hesitation seems like a shame.

At the same time, you're totally right that there are certain dealbreakers or red flags that shouldn't be ignored. Abuse, manipulation, and serious issues like that are never worth trying to work through. Gotta protect yourself, you know?

But for the more surface-level stuff, like low self-esteem or a pessimistic outlook - yeah, maybe that's worth digging a little deeper to see if true compatibility can be found. If someone's willing to be patient and lend support, that could make all the difference.

I dunno, man. You've really got me thinking now. It's an interesting perspective, for sure. Maybe we do write people off too quickly these days, just because the initial spark isn't there. Gotta keep an open mind and be willing to put in the effort sometimes. You might just find something amazing.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Overall, the majority of the relationships I had was without any well-thought compatibility in mind, I was stepping into relationships without much thinking, with a simplistic understanding of interpersonal dynamics, psychology, myself or someone else. Who I am, who is the other one, how, why, we're working or clashing together... I slowly realized these things by experiencing relationships and breakups, one after the other.

[LazerBean]

Of course you have to put a lot of work into any good relationship. But I have to say, I think most people severely neglect trying to find someone who is compatible with them. It seems to me like most people will just go with anyone who makes them feel nice enough for a while. Once they amount to a certain level, incompatibility causes friction.

I do think people need to prioritize finding DEEP compatibilities (values, goals, hills that they will die on) over shallow ones like what kind of food they like or hobbies they enjoy. And need to work to meet in the middle with those things that are not mutual. Especially if they are going a long time with no luck.

[Asker]

Sounds like you've got the proper mindset on the whole thing, I guess it explains your success in your relationship, when it comes to choice of partner and results of the relationship.

[LazerBean]

Well thank you, I appreciate that

[Anonymous]

So pretend to be someone's friend until they possibly find something compatible within you. No thank you. Have had "friends" do it to me and I won't do it to others. That shit hurts more than you people realise.

[Asker]

Not pretend, you see pretend would be if you have an issue with that specific person but if you are stopping yourself from associating with someone that hasn't done anything to you, is kinda messed up lol

[NathanDavis]

truest truth...