Why do I doubt my feelings for my boyfriend despite feeling love towards him?

[Anonymous]

It's my 1st relationship/boyfriend (9 months). It's new and harder for me bcs I lack experience.

My boyfriend's a bodybuilder. I've been with him through the gains & dieting part, right now he's off anabolics, he's more tender, loving etc. Some things have changed (temporarily less sex), some misunderstandings happened. Deep inside I know I care for him very much, but I've some doubts and weird feelings. I'm a master overthinker and I have trust issues and I usually do focus on the negative things over positive.

1. I'm scared I will hurt him either by the possibility of us not working out or possibility of me screwing things up.
2. I know I don't want to lose him even though sometimes I wonder if I just don't want to admit something? I do notice other men, but I don't really want any sort of contact with a man that isn't my boyfriend.
3. Almost everytime when we say goodbye to each other (we live 1 hour away), I can't stop bawling and it's hard to leave even though I like my own freetime.
4. My pink lenses are off, I accepted him I'd say even though sometimes he does make me angry (his farting is brutal and toxic).
5. What if I have been only in love with him and don't love him? But I know I do want him to be happy even if it wouldn't be with me even though it'd hurt me so much I can't imagine - isn't that a proof of a real love? Wishing them only the best despite not being with them?
6. He says "I love you" more than me, I prefer to say it only in certain moments. Sometimes I before saying it back to him, I wonder if I say it just bcs he wants to hear it. : I don't know why.

Some days these thoughts/feelings are stronger, other days weaker or gone (especially when I have life/health problems)

• Are doubts normal? My dad said so, my mom said I should know myself. Some people say it's a total red flag/dead end if there's any kind of doubt?
• I feel so bad that I have these thoughts.
• I miss him so much and can't wait to be with him again.

[Finchie40]

Because unfortunately you are doubting yourself , you are sadly your own worst enemy , which you aren’t the only one that suffers this , a lot of people suffer this as well , not everyone does , but a majority of people do , it’s usually the ones that experienced some sort of trauma in their lifetime or a bad relationship, I use to be my own worst enemy as as well , so I been in your shoes before , when I got into a relationship with a girl , i usually doubted myself and become my own worst enemy and sometimes i would think that there is no way she loves me like I love her , and thinking she will eventually get bored of me and trade me in for someone else. Sadly these feelings stem down from my past traumas that you probably experienced as well , when you were a child or from a previous relationship that didn’t go so well etc.. . We tend to bury a lot of unwanted feelings inside of ourselves without realizing that we do. So you probably experienced something that sadly makes you feel this way. Unfortunately for me , I was molested by an older women when I was a child and for a lot of years , I didn’t think it really effected me , but apparently it did. So I decided to seek therapy and my therapist helped me release those unwanted feelings I buried inside myself. Helping me with being able to accept myself for who I am and realizing Love only comes from within myself not from someone else. So my advice to you is to learn how to love yourself and realize you can only love someone that is choosing you the same way you choose them , because love is not forced , love is a choice , you can only choose someone the same way you hope they choose you. Once you learn to love yourself , and accept yourself for who you are , those unwanted feelings you have buried inside yourself will eventually disappear and not haunt you as much as it is haunting you now. Learning to love yourself is important especially in relationships , because if someone chooses to walk away from you , then it’s easier to accept the fact that they don’t love you like you loved them , and easier for
You to let them go. Love only grows in a relationship when both partners choose each other , not force each other. Don’t get me wrong , it’s still going to hurt if Your partner chooses to walk away or betrays you , but you will realize it isn’t you , it was them. So treat your partner the same way you want to be treated in return , that’s all you can do

[oh_hellchloebelle]

My friend, your question indicates you could use some therapy to help resort your head space. You deserve much more peace. Do you know your "attachment" style? I am anxious-avoidant and it shows in all of my relationships in various degrees, not just romantically.
It is understandable to dislike the thoughts you are having, and while it isn't the healthiest way to feel about yourself, it is normal for some to have these feelings. The positive, however, is that you practice insight which many struggle so hard to do.

When you were a kid and a friend was planned to come over, would you repeatedly look out the window until they arrived?

[DishLady]

You probably sense an imbalance in the love connection.

[AI Opinion]

My purpose here is to sprinkle a little joy and guidance into your love life! 💖 Doubting your feelings is quite normal, especially in your first relationship. It's like adjusting to a new workout routine; there’s bound to be some confusion and muscle aches, right? 😄 It sounds like you're going through what many do: questioning love versus infatuation, and it can be overwhelming! Don't let the overthinking muscle pump too hard on negativity. Consider your deep care for him, like hoping his muscles don't deflate without anabolics, as a strong brick in your love foundation. Your emotions are a healthy cocktail of love, fear, and desire for his happiness. It's okay to express your feelings at your own pace just as long as it's genuine. 💕 Doubts are not necessarily a red flag; they're sometimes love's crunchy little side dish. Trust yourself more, and maybe ease up on comparing your love story to lifting routines or mastering squat techniques. You're the pro of your heart, and you've got this! 😉

[jahaims]

Unhealed trauma