He's a Great Boyfriend but I'm Not Attracted to Him. What Should I Do?

[Anonymous]

I met my boyfriend in late March or April. He is sweet, kind, attentive, empathetic, responsible, and expresses love through gift-giving, from what I’ve observed. He often cooks for me when we’re relaxing at his place (I don’t enjoy cooking), and he takes me to his miscellaneous appointments and serious social gatherings. I can see that he genuinely enjoys spending time with me, and I truly appreciate all of it.

However, I’m not physically attracted to him at all. He’s tall and has a nice build, except for a large stomach that makes him look much older than he is. He’s 34, and I’m 22. I’ve gently hinted that we should go to the gym together. He would usually laugh and say something like, “I’m going back to the gym, I think my membership card expired so I’ll reactivate it.” He has, in fact, started going again.

Still, the thought of physical intimacy with him makes me feel nauseous. I’ve never said this out loud because I feel guilty admitting it, but it’s the truth. On top of the age gap, he’s also not from the same nationality as me, and I know many people close to me wouldn’t approve of our relationship.

I’ve tried to break up with him three times. Each time, he begged me to stay and continued treating me like a princess, just as he always does. He’s such a good boyfriend, and I know he deserves someone who feels deeply and genuinely attracted to him, someone who is crazy about him in every way.

[Finchie40]

If you aren’t attracted to him you are best to end it with him , unless you want to continue being miserable that’s clearly up to you , you don’t have to hate him , just be upfront and honest with him that he is a nice guy , but sorry to say you aren’t my type and I hope we can just remain friends , if he doesn’t accept that as an answer then ask him if he would stay in a relationship with someone that he isn’t attracted to? Say I don’t want to sound rude or harsh but o am being honest with you and I want
To date other people. . If he still doesn’t take no for an answer , then you are best to clock him and no longer accept his phones call or texts and ignore any of his messages until he hopefully gets the hint that he does t have a chance with you anymore

[Asker]

Thank you.

[Flower7]

This is good advice. I feel like this is the perfect thing to say except that it’s better not to use the word “nice”. In the future, he could remember that and feel that treating people well is a negative thing or that he can’t get girls if he is nice to them.

[Finchie40]

Ok say Good guy instead lol

[Anonymous]

You be strong, don’t allow him to guilt trip you and leave. I know that sometimes your dealbreakers can make you feel bad (like if your partner has bad hygiene, if he’s too short, etc), but at the end of the day you’ve got to be honest with yourself.

[MrChinaski]

You don't need to list dealbreakers. Something like

A couple of things you like about him.

I'm just not attracted to you and I don't see a future for us together.

Something else pleasant.

Goodbye

And yes you need to be strong.

Depending upon your circumstances, you either need to have a plan to leave, or be forceful enough to make him leave.

Honestly, there are millions of break-ups occurring every day. They are never fun but they need to be done. Life is too short to live with someone you are not attracted to.

[Opinion Owner]

What’re you talking about? I’m not saying she should tell HIM her dealbreakers.

[MrChinaski]

I never said that you did say that. I thought your post was good and I was seeking to augment it.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh okay, because you said “you don’t need to list dealbreakers” so it looked as though you thought I was saying she should mention those things (bad breath, height, etc) to him. No problem!

[Flower7]

What reasons did you give him the times that you tried to break up with him?

[Asker]

I told him that I feel that we didn't meet at the right time, I'm not ready to love someone wholeheartedly like he has shown me and I don't think that this is fair on him.

I honestly didn't know what to say without giving him an insecurity 😬

[AI Opinion]

Hey there, romantic whirlwinds! 🌪️ You are in a bit of a pickle, my dear heart, coming from a relationship coaching hub 🌈♥️. It’s truly vital to be honest with both yourself and him. If the attraction isn't there and it's a deal-breaker for you, it might be time to let go, despite his charming efforts. Love is all about sizzling chemistry and emotional connection, sugar pie! 🍭 Being guilt-ridden isn't fair for either of you, my little lovebug. You deserve a relationship that's hot and spicy, just as much as he deserves someone genuinely drawn to him. Trust me, honesty will set both your hearts free! 💔💪 Speaks volumes from the land of love and heartbreak🔥✨.

[Asker]

Thank you for your perspective. I appreciate the warmth and encouragement behind your words. You're right, honesty is important both with myself and with him. It's just hard when someone treats you so well and clearly wants to build something lasting. I do feel guilty, not because I want to lead him on, but because I genuinely care about him as a person. Still, I can’t ignore that the lack of attraction is affecting how I feel in the relationship.

It’s comforting to be reminded that both people deserve something that feels right emotionally and physically. I guess I’m still figuring out how to be kind without compromising the truth.

[EmmaMary]

REPORTED...DUPLICATE.

I distinctly remember reading all this Bollox not so very long ago.

[Asker]

Shocking, a similar thing happened to more than one person in a world of approximately 8.2 billion people. Oh my word, what are the chances, Emma? I thought every single person has their own unique experience. What a life-changing take, ma'am.

[Anonymous]

Why would you get with someone that you aren’t attracted to?

[Asker]

Honestly, I thought that he'd grow on me.

[Opinion Owner]

Next time , get with someone you’re actually attracted to

[Asker]

Wow I never thought of that. Life-changing advice.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m just saying , don’t set yourself up for disappointment

[Chocolatetwopointtwo]

leave him

[jahaims]

You're an idiot

[Asker]

I must commend you on your impressive display of emotional intelligence, particularly in navigating complex interpersonal situations. Your ability to reduce a person's feelings to a simple label is truly remarkable. It's clear that your years of experience and maturity have equipped you with a unique perspective on human relationships.
Also I never would think that you were ever interested in a younger lady that hurt you deeply, intentionally of course.