Boyfriend of 2 years has been way less affectionate and doesn't kiss me anymore - what could be the reason?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has started being really cold towards me and I don't know why. For like the last week, he has not kissed me one time and usually we kiss before going to work/anytime on of us goes somewhere and even randomly. He doesn't ask for a back rub (which he loves). He doesn't say love you over text, but he still does at the end of a phone call (he used to over text too). He doesn't talk much. I mean he's not a huge talker in general but just seems like he does even less now.

He does still call me baby/babe which is the only name he calls me. He never uses my name unless he's introducing me. He always has called me babe or baby and I do the same for him. He does not text me at lunch when we are at work hardly ever and it used to be a daily thing (last time he did it was nearly two weeks ago). He doesn't give me random compliments anymore (used to call me beautiful randomly, say I was a good mom, etc).

We haven't had sex in almost two weeks (here lately sex has became a real issue and he does only do it like once a week or two when before it was once a week or twice a week). These last two months it's been like every two weeks.

I am afraid maybe he doesn't love me anymore. He still refers to me as his girlfriend and he still calls me baby, says love you before we go to work/at the end of phone calls, but what the heck with everything else? That is very odd for that to just change.

Now I do know he's likely stressed. His parents both have health problems and we are also in the process of trying to find a new/better place to move into. He does still want to do that together too. He made that clear. So it doesn't really seem like if he was no longer interested in being with me that he would still be wanting to get the new place together.

But this is REALLY hurtful to me. I feel insanely unattractive, unwanted, unloved, etc.

I want to talk to him but I feel like if I do, he'll just start doing that stuff because he "has to" to shut me up.

[Finchie40]

You need to open your mouth and communicate your feelings to him , if not , he is just going to assume everything is ok between you both when clearly it isn’t ok. From what you said , it sounds like he is going through stress. Stress can mess people up big time , and it can also kill your sex drive. So you are best to have a sit down talk with him and find out what has been bothering him and then tell him how you been feeling lately with your relationship with him , if he loves you he will open up and tell you what’s been bothering him , if he doesn’t open up to you and things don’t change for the better , within a short period of time after you talk to him , then you are best to reconsider that relationship all together and move on from him.

[Asker]

I definitely know stress can really have a terrible impact on you. It can impact your health, make your skin break out, make you eat less, make you lose hair, make you start to withdrawal, hurt your sex drive and desire for intimacy like you said. It isn't fun. He is using former bad habits to cope with this stress.

I don't want him to think by talking to him, I'm trying to say he's a bad boyfriend or something. He's known to refer to himself as such and I always reassure him that he's not when this happens. This has happened before these odd changes began. He had been spending a lot more time away from me to go do a hobby of his and he kept apologizing and saying he was a bad boyfriend because he was neglecting/abandoning me. I told him it wasn't like that and he was fine to go do his thing. He thanked me for being so supportive and understanding. I told him it really did not bother me and he wasn't neglecting me or the relationship. He was still kissing me and stuff then though. So I think maybe the stress is just building up and he's just got a lot on his plate.

[Finchie40]

Yea unfortunately stress can kill is as well , why it’s important to live your life as happy as you can and not allow negativity to impact your life as Much as possible. But don’t let him use that as an excuse to be apart from you , someone that truly loves you doesn’t need to be away from you period , someone that’s something you should really reconsider, you sound like a sweet caring loving girlfriend but do not let him write Sucker on your head period. You should be his happiness not a person he needs space from. I had an ex that was always stressed for whatever reason and she use her stress as a way to take time for herself , well that time to herself turned into her spreading her Legs for someone else as well , So the best thing for you to do is have a serious talk with him and tell him you are here for him but if he isn’t here for you , then it’s best we go our separate ways , so you can take all the time you need to focus on yourself.

[Asker]

Very valid. I'm sorry you had an ex do that. That's really sad. Sounds like she may not have truly been "stressed" and was just looking for an excuse to sleep around on you.

I'm hoping he changes back to how he used to be, but time will tell. I know I'm not dealing with this behavior that's for sure.

[slatyb]

If you are afraid to talk to him, it's not much of a relationship. Ask him nicely -- tell him that you miss him and wonder what he's feeling.

[Anonymous]

He's cheating. Get back at him by hooking up with a black guy.

[AI Opinion]

Oh love, it sounds like you're going through a really tough patch 💔. Relationships do have their ups and downs, and it's normal to feel vulnerable when things seem off. Considering all the stress your boyfriend is facing, his withdrawal likely has more to do with external pressures rather than a lack of love for you. Miscommunication can fuel insecurity faster than any ghosting. Sit down, communicate openly, and share your feelings without assuming the worst. Sometimes, just outstretched arms and listening ears can reignite that affectionate spark. You're both beautiful, in every way, remember that! 😘

[Asker]

I want to assume and believe that it has mostly everything to do with all the stress and stuff than it does with me personally. It seems valid since we were ok and normal then once more pressure started building, the changes started in. I'm just hoping he does still love me and that it really is just from stress and he doesn't even realize he's doing this or making me feel bad.

I know it's easy to get "comfortable" or "lazy" in a long-term relationship too. I'm hoping for the best and trying to be positive.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he wants you to take the initiative.

[Asker]

See I have tried that. I do say love you first when I leave first and he says it back. With kissing, I usually will at least kiss his cheek before I leave, but the one morning it seemed like it annoyed him I kind of woke him up so I didn't do it after that. I tried to kiss him the other day before I left for the store. I said love you and went to kiss him but he just looked back down at his phone (he was watching videos). Maybe he didn't realize I was going for a kiss. He did say love you back. I tried initiating a back rub which he loves but he didn't really respond or encourage it so I stopped.

[Opinion Owner]

That's strange, maybe he's not in the mood right now.

[Asker]

I understand with the stress and stuff. I do. It sucks. But don't take that out on your partner or let that negativity impact your relationship. I mean I'm more than willing to support him. I've said that before when things have happened with family. Before he's always been grateful for my help and support. Now it's just like he doesn't give a crap. He has also picked up old bad habits again, so he clearly does not care about his own health either. It makes me very sad.

[Opinion Owner]

I understand, you should talk to him about the problem, support him, and maybe he'll open up.

[Asker]

I just don't want to rub him the wrong way either. I don't want him to consider that yet another thing to worry about - like oh great now on top of everything else, I'm a sh*t boyfriend type stuff. He's not. If he was I wouldn't be with him. But these are concerning and upsetting changes.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok, I understand, good luck.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome

[Anonymous]

Dude tell him how u feel. That u are hurt

[jahaims]

Try communicating

[Anonymous]

Did u talk to him about it?