Boyfriend doesn't like kissing?

[MysticCat]

Hi all!

Looking for a different perspective or advice on this.

I'm finally in a healthy relationship with a kind and respectful man I've been close friends with for a long time.

It's still early stages, but it seems he doesn't like to kiss. He hasn't kissed me at all. I tried just once to kiss him and he pulled away from me, and I just kissed him on his cheek instead. I apologized thinking I had made him uncomfortable! But him pulling away also hurt my feelings and made me anxious in the moment because I thought it meant he didn't like me, which I told him about and he reassured me that he likes me and wants me to intiate things freely because he likes that.

I've asked him about the kissing thing, and he just muttered something about not being into it. He's not super expressive in his physical affection generally, I've discovered. We talked about that a bit and he said sometimes he feels overwhelmed by that. He's also been single for a long time, so maybe it's just a lot all at once?

I can understand that some people may not like touch or kissing very much, but I've never met or been with someone that didn't want to kiss at all. For me it's part of expressing love, but also it's a pleasurable part of sex or just on its own! We have great sex, but kissing feels totally missing for me. I just don't know how to navigate this as it's a new experience for me. I can respect if he doesn't want that, its not a dealbreaker necessarily, I would just like to understand better. I'm wondering if anyone has had a similar experience in a relationship? Or maybe you are the one that doesn't like to be kissed?

Has anyone found a middle ground with a partner that is very physically affectionate and one that isn't?

I don't think he is on the spectrum. I've made sure my teeth are clean because I worried maybe it was just bad breath. I don't wear much lipstick or things like that. And we do have good sex overall and have a lot of chemistry, we both discussed this.

[Finchie40]

I dated a girl that was just like him , they would be perfect for each other , we should set them up lol. Me personally didn’t like the fact that she didn’t like kissing , the only time I could get her to kiss , was during sex, but that’s it. So I ended up dumping her because of it and realized I wanted to be with a girl that was more equivalent not me. So if you feel rejected then you are best to end things with him and go find yourself a guy that loves kissing like you do. Never settle for someone that isn’t close to being compatible to you. You don’t have to be his enemy , but just tell him you want to be with someone more compatible with you. Not all my exes are my enemies, some just are t compatible with me so I ended it with them. Life is too short to stay with someone that isn’t giving the same as you are giving. There is a lot of people out there that want the same things you want , so my advice to you is to end things with him and Go find yourself a guy that loves kissing. I love kissing so I will not stay with a girl that doesn’t , I love intimacy and affection, so I won’t stay with a girl that doesn’t. Those types of relationships turn boring and leave you frustrated , so it’s not worth your time. So it’s better to end it with them , before you end up hurting them or possibly cheating on them , because eventually you will , once you realize you are missing out on the things that you really want out of a relationship. Why it’s best to be honest and straight forward with someone you start dating , so you aren’t wasting their time either

[Orion84]

I'm more like you, in that I enjoy it, and think kissing is an integral part of being inimate, both in the bedroom, and out of it.

He mentioned that he doesn't like kissing, or mumbled it, but have you ever asked him if he can articulate why? I feel like there has to be a reason, and the mumbling almost makes it seem like he's embarrassed about whatever that reason is.

[MysticCat]

Oh that's interesting. Yeah he definitely didn't seem too comfortable, so I didn't push for more clarity at the time. And since everything is quite new I didn't want to push too much, but I think you are right in that there must be a reason.

[Orion84]

Yeah, I can understand you not wanting to pry, but the way you describe his response just stands out to me, and I find that odd.

I would try and find a gentle way to inquire, just to see if you can get him to open up to you about it. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but that almost seems like there might be some trauma there.

[MysticCat]

Hmm it's a perspective I didn't consider! I was thinking it was something wrong with me! I know he's been single a long time, and maybe never had a girlfriend before as he never mentioned that in the 10 years I've known him. I don't know that he has much experience with women as things were a bit clunky the first time we had sex. I almost even thought maybe he had never been with someone, but he made a comment about someone in the past. So I don't know? He never mentioned some trauma, but I could be wrong!

[Orion84]

Well, I could be wrong, and it's possible he is just shy and/or inexperienced, and just embarrassed to admit, but you did say you're having sex, so I would think, if it was just inexperience, then surely kissing would be easier to learn than sex?

That's why I suspect there may be something deeper going on, and I doubt that it is anything to do with you.

[MysticCat]

Yes I agree! A friend of mine said the same, that kissing is much less intimate in some ways. So something seem odd still. Maybe he is just more shy, but sex is a huge step. I don't get it. I'll need to find a way to ask again. Any suggestions on how to bring it up? I don't want to nag, but I feel like it's important to understand either way.

[Orion84]

I'm not sure of the best way to bring it up, if only because I don't personally know him, or the dynamics between the two of you, but I would suggest doing it gently, if possible.

Maybe explain to him that you love him, and want to be closer to him, of which kissing is important to you. Tell him you are aware of his reservations, in thst regard, but because you love him, you would like to understand why, and ask him if he'll share that reason with you.

[MysticCat]

This is good advice! Thank you so much!

[Screenwriter]

I think kissing is more intimate than sex. Genital to genital your bodies are not necessarily entwined are they? But kissing you are face to face, mouth to mouth, breathing in each other's air, wrapped around each other's tongues.

This is very intense. Maybe he's had negative kissing experiences. Ask him if he's always felt negatively about kissing. Who has he. kissed in the past? Was he hurt by someone who he was intimate in this way in the past.

The oddest thing I can think of about kissing is that many prostitutes don't kiss their johns because "that is too intimate." Having sex isn't. But kissing is.

Keep probing about why this is his position. I find it very odd. And it feels like he's closed off about this and it doesn't make sense. Something's off.

[MysticCat]

This is a great perspective. Thank you! You are right something feels a bit off to me too, and a bit more conversation about it seems necessary.

[Screenwriter]

Go for it. And good luck!

[Beckybooboo]

I don't wanna sound mean but is your breath usually fresh? That's a huge reason people often don't like to kiss partner's. It might even be him that's self conscious about his breath.

[MysticCat]

Yes I thought of this! I've been brushing my teeth much more often in the day, and after meals together. No one ever once told me I had breath and still wanted to kiss me, but could be he is worried about himself.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, kissing dilemmas! 😘 Here's my take: Everyone's love language is different, and it sounds like your man might be more comfortable with other forms of expression. It's great you guys have already talked about it. Keep embracing communication and try to explore other ways of connecting that feel good for both of you. Respecting boundaries is essential; meanwhile, find creative ways to express that loving vibe. Sometimes, a kiss can be in a hug or even a warm smile. Keep that chemistry sizzling! 💞

[slatyb]

Maybe his oral hygiene isn't good? Could you spend a life with a man who doesn't kiss?

[MysticCat]

He seems fine with his hygiene, but it could be that he is self concious about it. So far the lack of kissing is the only that bothers me, so in grand scheme of things I feel happy and satisfied otherwise. So yes, I feel like I could spend my life with him without kissing, I would just like to understand it is all. Then work out a balance with him so that we both feel satisfied and no resentment builds up over it.

[Anonymous]

was he like this with previous girlfriends too? so you can figure out if it's a him problem or a you problem

[jahaims]

I wouldn't say it is a healthy relationship if someone has enough of an issue they can't kiss

[Anonymous]

Talk to him to see whats the problem.

[MysticCat]

I did! But I still feel confused. He just said he "doesn't like it very much". That was it. I didn't really know how to push for more clarity.