I am falling for her so badly?

[Mboroyangu]

Hi, I met i think the girl of my dreams. I had been single for sometime until i saw her. I knew right away that she is the one for me.

we hooked on the same day and its been a month of knowing each other.

she was in a long term relationship for 7 years, her first love. The guy always cheated on her and beat her up but she stayed with him. Finally she had the courage to leave, but she was traumatised and abused that she always she can not trust me.

She can truly see i really like her and would like things to work. Today we spoke and she was telling me that she is starting to get used to me as we spent lots of time together.

So, what she said hit me hard. She wants what we have and not a committed relationship but she will only sleep with me.

We agreed that for now, we keep things like they are and maybe in the future we can be a couple. I really like this girl and want to win her up.

on the 10th December she will have a birthday. I plan to write hand written letter and send it to her.

anyone with an idea of how i can make her warm up to me and love me?

thank you

[AI Opinion]

Ah, falling for someone is like finding the perfect pair of glasses - everything suddenly becomes clearer! 🌟 Remember, patience and understanding are your secret weapons here. She's coming from a rough place, and rebuilding trust takes time. Your handwritten letter idea is super sweet, like a romantic gesture from the past—go for it! Keep being her safe space, and don't push for more than she's ready for. Love can be a slow dance, not just a quick step. You've got this, Cupid! 💌 Keep it genuine, and let her come around at her own pace. 🤗

[HollyK21]

One the smaller, more generic scale: you should really practice patience. I get that you’ve been single for a while and you feel a deep connection with her, which is all fine and great. However, it’s only been a month, which to me isn’t a long time at all. 2-3 months is more the range where people choose to officiate things. I know, everyone’s different. Some people meet one day and never leave each others side again. But that’s not the case here because she isn’t ready for that, which you should really try being more receptive of.


On the broader scale, you should be very honest with yourself about how patient you’re truly willing to be, because this woman’s got some serious baggage that you really need to take into account. She’s pretty fresh out of a long-term, domestic abuse situation and healing from that takes real time and real work. In a lot of cases, people who are recovering from shit like that would like the companionship because they too get lonely just as any other person. But signing up for a whole new relationship isn’t always in the cards.


In your case, we can appreciate this woman being honest about where she stands and how she isn’t ready. It would be selfish of you to basically ignore that and prioritize what you want instead. Don’t sideskirt her trauma just because you think you’ve found the one. Really take it in and decide whether or not you can wait. Waiting doesn’t necessarily mean a month or two, it could be longer and choosing to be on her time and wait is a decision you must commit to.

[MrChinaski]

I think this is sound advice. Patience is a viable strategy and, importantly, it shows respect for her wishes and where she is in life. But...

It's a low probability play. If she doesn't want to love him now, she more likely than not will never love him. The long, twisted experiences filled with the tension of 'will she or won't she' before the guy finally gets the girl is the are the plot of every rom-com ever made... they entertain in part because they are surprising, mysterious, even rare occurrences in real life.

All I am saying is that patience has a cost. A large cost. The world is full of
Mboroyangu's dream women just waiting for him to win them up.

Cost large and clear vs Benefit very large but highly uncertain. It's a choice.

[HollyK21]

That was very well put! I agree about the patience thing, it has a cost. But that’s why I think he’s got a decision to make as to whether or not he’s ready to do that waiting. Because what if she never comes around in a timely fashion? I mean this wasn’t just a long term breakup, it was domestic violence involved and bouncing back from that is different for everyone. Personally I would steer clear of someone who’s newly out of that situation, I’d really think they need to have time to heal, find themselves again, and learn what healthy love looks like again, etc.

[Mboroyangu]

Thank you profoundly for the advice

[Anonymous]

Why is she your dream Girl

[Opinion Owner]

? There