Boyfriend hasn't said I love you after 8 months

[Anonymous]

we have been exclusive for 8 months and we dated for 4 months before that. We see each other pretty much everyday, have plans for future trips, takes care of me and always wants me there with him. For the most part our relationship is great except this one thing that has been gnawing at me.

He still hasn't said I love you. There have been multiple times where I have had to bite my tongue to not say it. I would like to hear it from him first because when he says it I want to know he is saying it because he means it and wants to say it not because he feels obligated.

I feel as though this has made me question his feelings for me. The few problems we do have are about him not being considerate of my feelings. But at times I feel as though its not intentional its because for lack of better words he is just dumb when it comes to that. He is 25 and has never been in a serious relationship.

At this point I don't know what to do because I love him and he is my best friend but my resentment is starting to ruin our relationship and I don't know what to do or what to think about this

[Pedantic]

There once a woman who broke down in front of her husband after 40 years of marriage and claimed, "You never say 'I love you!'"

He responded, "Of course I did. The day at the altar when we were married. If that ever changes, I'll be sure to let you know."

---

My little parable here is something I picked up when overhearing a discussion about how women want to be treated. They need to hear "I love you" every day, and it is an artificial behavior that is remembered and practiced by most guys -- that doesn't mean we say the phrase disingenuously -- but rather our perception of time and the lasting effect of words is different, so their repetition is something we are doing to assure the girl because of our sensitivity to that need rather than us feeling a daily urge to have to say "I love you."

Anyway, you said it yourself. Its his first serious relationship and he is dumb about those things. That is your answer :) If you want to hear the I love yous, give him my parable and tell him you NEED to hear it because girls need to hear it. No hints, no suggestions, no subtleties -- when you are dealing with a birdbrain, you just got to S-P-E-L-L IT OUT :)

[9Ball]

You don't understand his feelings and this is a bad thing, not to worry though, you probably don't know him enough but isn't 8 months enough time to know if he loves you or not? just saying. and just wait, don't doubt that he loves you unless he gives you a real reason to doubt it. If you feel like saying I love you and you want to then go ahead and say it. and if he is waiting for you to say it first then you will never hear it lol. just be patient and wait for it. I know this confuses you but if he shows you he loves you and proves that he is trustworthy and not trying to use you then why should you complain, unless you have been in a relationship with him for years then you can complain. But if he doesn't prove he loves you or that he is trustworthy then either he doesn't know how to show it or he doesn't, just that simple. Regardless take your time with him. guys are guys we can't be or do everything you want so be patient with him. I'm sure he loves you and will say it as soon as he can.

[TheDarkNoodle]

I'd say either he hasn't said it because he's worried about the fact you haven't said it yet or he's just one of those guys that take something like that so seriously that he's not wiling to say it untill your relationship has reached a certain level.

[Anonymous]

it doesn't matter whether he says it aloud or not.u should understand his feelings first.he may b too shy to xpress himself.so,give him more time.or you can always say I love you first.i'm sure he's waiting for it too...

[HardAppleCider]

Now wouldn't it be hilarious if he was holding out on saying "I love you" because he wanted to hear it form you first?

Worrying about who says it first is silly and it's just hurting you. He very well may love you even if he doesn't know that saying "I love you" is an appropriate way to express that, for whatever reason.

Just tell him you love him, or if you really "actually" think he might not love you... ask him "Do you love me?" and see what happens. If he says "yeah" just be happy about it. Don't make him feel guilty for not saying it sooner.

[NerdInDenial]

Love is patient. So, learn to be patient. If you truly love him, then you'll wait until he's ready to say it. If him not saying those three words is going to ruin your relationship with him, you might as well end it now because this is a small issue compared to the long term issues in a relationship, especially marriage.

[azyaj]

Hi! I have the same problem with her. 8th months of being together but he still doesn't love me. He is very vocal of saying he doesn't feel it yet. He is nice, patient with my craziness, always have time for us, tries to help me out but he openly says, he doesn't love me yet. It is heartbreaking everytime I remember it and he just told me to keep myself busy so I won't remember. Sometimes I am on the bridge of giving up but I love him.

[judyra]

His actions may speak better than his words, try to read them.