Is it clingy to expect to hear from your boyfriend every day even if it's just a short text?

[Anonymous]

So I pretty much want to speak with my boyfriend every single day. He's not just my boyfriend, but one of my best friends. I like to know what's going on and I honestly get irritated when he goes all day without saying anything to me.

Am I clingy for this mentality? Would it be in the best interest of my relationship to change my thinking?

Kinda

Hell yes

No

[Ildskf]

No...not at all clingy...I expect it and got upset early in my relationship when it didn't happen...I am in my first relationship...so I am not always sure what to expect...at the start...we were committed but casual...I didn't text everyday cause I thought it would be clingy...but then as we got more serious and he asked me to marry him I expected it. A year ago I had a heart to heart with my BF letting him know I was tired of always initiating the texting and that I expected to hear from him on a daily basis...I told him it made me feel bad if he wouldn't want to check up on me and that it made me feel like he wasn't serious

After that...boy did he shape up...he hasn't missed a day and its been a year...and he texts me first a lot more...he also does all the calling...

I ususally dont expect more than a text on days we dont see each other cause he is in med school and is at the hospital all day...but on the flipside...I'm very busy too and have two jobs and am full time in graduate school

[xHoneyxBeex]

No, I wouldn't call it "clingy." Being in a relationship means speaking everyday, in my opinion. Now, that doesn't mean speaking every single minute of every day. However, it's nice to at least say "hi" and tell the other person what's happening on that particular day.

Personally, the way I see it is, friends don't talk everyday, but lovers should. Like I said, even if it's just a quick text checking up on the other person, at least it let's you know that they were thinking of you.

So, no, I don't think it's unreasonable or clingy to want to talk to your boyfriend every day.

[enigmatta]

You couldn't change your thinking because you would anyway be feeling neglected. That guy funkipunk is full of crap. A vast percentage of humans want to feel loved and a text sometimes is enough in this busy agenda. You have commitments to yourself as a person, but you are also committed to your partner. If he doesn't honor that commitment, you might as well re-evaluate and discuss with him what do you want out of a relationship.

[Asker]

This was very helpful and that's a very unique, interesting profile pic

[enigmatta]

;) I've gone through something similar, so I'm talking from experience. Chat with your boyfriend, be on the same page. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you will find a middle ground where you feel supported and loved, and he feels satisfied with the communication. Another piece of advice: you can go and tell anybody about your problems and friends (or us GAGers) will try to help you out, but don't let your boyfriend be the last to hear about the problems. You may be creating an inner hell when it could have been stopped on time.

[Asker]

You make some really wise points.
I want to tell him how I feel but honestly, I'm sick of having to coach him on how to be a boyfriend. *please read my comment on utopianromance's post* It's annoying and tiring. I see his potential in the way that he's so faithful, noble, loyal, and caring, but this is my first relationship and I'm sick of spending so much energy feeling like I'm getting a mediocre girlfriend experience : (

[enigmatta]

Well, that doesn't look good. Almost a year now. Hm. What *I* think will continue to happen is that you'll be schooling him in the arts of being a good boyfriend forever and ever. I think he is a good person, but he's just so clueless about being serious. If he is like that one year into the relationship, I wouldn't consider him husband material or dad material. These things can really make you fall out of love. Think about it. Perhaps you love him, yes, but you're investing a lot of patience on someone who won't change and hasn't changed. You can't be forever the teacher or the mother. I mean.. you told him how to treat you correctly? These things speak for mere education and politeness. Again, he's a good guy, but I'm afraid you'll lose yourself in trying to make him behave like a REAL boyfriend. It's tiring, it's saddenning. Think about it :/

[Asker]

Truthfully, I haven't even fallen into love because he consistently acts like that : /
Thanks so much for taking your time to genuinely guide me through this, minus the impartial judgments of my collective personality.

[Asker]

So, should I just tell him that then? I've texted him twice in the past hour after not hearing from him all day *it's after 10 p.m. where I'm from* Should I just say "So, will I be schooling you in the arts of being a good boyfriend forever and ever?" courtesy of enigmatta lol if I don't hear from him in the next hour?

[Asker]

** I was kinda hoping we could do something tonight and I didn't make plans with anyone else so that my schedule would be free for him so this is really annoying especially since he's not even replying to me at this point* Not only have I not heard from him all day, but now he seems to be ignoring my texts

[Asker]

*he just called me*

[enigmatta]

Do you know if he has seen them? Like the time stamps from Whatsapp. But like, I understand you, it's very frustrating that they are so inconsiderate of your time. I also used to be available for him any day, and he wouldn't contact me all Friday until like damn 9pm to tell me he was very tired. DUDE. So I started making plans with my friends. Do the same. Your Fridays are yours before his. If he reacts to this, if he starts asking earlier if you wanna meet up, go for some dinner, some movie, some stand-up comedy show, whatever, then he'll know he has to participate. Otherwise he'll slack in the relationship. You will waste your Fridays/time in general. Let him show you that he is worth it. If on the contrary, he doesn't react and slacks even more... time to be friends and for you to engage in a better experience with yourself/with someone else.

[marth]

This is to the asker, I saw updates but not sure which thread to add to- he is wasting your precious time. You are someone he uses at his convenience. It shouldn't be this way. You must be exhausted from feeling so tense and on edge and always wondering. I was once married to someone like him. It never ever changes and makes you feel crazy. You deserve and SHOULD expect so much more.

[Asker]

...WOOOOOOW. Friday until like damn 9 p.m? effing seriously? -_- Not cool.
You are so right, girl! I appreciate you

[Asker]

Marth, I don't know it's easy to say that without actually knowing him and his schedule. I don't want to just get frustrated and entirely discredit him as an individual. Once, I spoke with him about this and he was really offended and caught off guard about his behavior. It was a huge reality check that he'd never experienced before because he is from a Islamic culture where dating is technically not allowed. So all of his past romantic encounters and girlfriends were very discreet.

[Asker]

Marth...updates on multiple threads? *confused* this is the only thread I asked about this.

[enigmatta]

Yeah, sometimes even 10:40 pm, of course I was already out having fun and THEN he definitely reacted. Are you going to see each other tonight? Or what did he say?

And no problem! ;D

[marth]

I'm on my iphone and your updates are to another user it looks like and so they will be notified by my response, I was just commenting on what you sai. Get out of this dead end relationship, read on emotionally unavailable men. It's Friday night, where is he? I used to ask the same thing

[Asker]

Marth, you're making misplaced assumptions. I appreciate you using your own past experience to try and help me out, but you have to understand that this is a totally different guy with totally different factors.

[Asker]

enigmatta, too bad your settings are private. I just tried to send you a message

[enigmatta]

I think I gave changed my settings, let me now if it worked

[Rail2k]

Communcation is a sign of a good and healthy relationship. Clingyness is as well, as long as it's mutual.

It really depends on your boyfriend. Some people are just more laid back with relationships and these people usually won't be compatible with someone like you, while others are more clingy and will.

[utopianromance]

Hell no? Get a new one if it is, that's about ridiculous to think it would be, and I hope you don't have kids together.

[Asker]

LOL! I guess it just kinda bothers me because we've been together for almost a year and he's shown a consistent pattern of not completely knowing how to treat a girlfriend : / I spent the first 6 months of our relationship walking him through the basics which was really unfair because this is my first relationship. I spent more time teaching him how to treat me CORRECTLY than I did blissfully enjoying the experience.

[utopianromance]

lol, Well, it sounds good. He might say, "well, why can't you just trust me?" and I never figured out how to respond to that, its just that I saw my mother and father, sister and her husband, and other couples just seem to be more in tune with each other and work as a team, accountability is another reason, I eventually learned the importance of that in the army. Don't get attached if he can't "get attached to you" in relatively the same way. I hope this helps!

[Asker]

Yes, this is very helpful and will surely be useful to not just me, but other girls who experience the same situation and stumble upon this post. Thanks so much for taking your time to give such an honest, non-judgmental contribution : )

[bubbiexo]

I don't think it makes you clingy... I talk to my boyfriend everyday and I can't fathom not speaking to him for a day even if we are fighting. I just figure that's how relationships work... You at least touch base once a day. Maybe that makes me clingy? But I don't think you're clingy... I think most couples at the very least text once a day.

[IrishSprings]

No.
Your in a relationship, you need to speak on a daily basis. That's just the simplicity of making it together and staying connected.
It doesn't have to be a long drawn out conversation but a simple ' hey, how's your day going? Or What are you doing? ' .

I expect to speak to my guy friend everyday. We speak on the phone twice a day and normally fall asleep together on the phone... It's wonderful.
This is not clingy. It's expected!

[Agrojag]

No, that's what relationships are supposed to be about. If my girl didn't say anything, I'd get annoyed.

[Paigeeeee]

No.
Me and my boyfriend work the same hours and text when we can. It just nice to know they are thinking about you or want to talk to you and see how you are. I think if you're dating then you need to be a patient. Couples just be able to text whenever they want but maybe not get annoyed if you don't get a reply straight away haha

[DodgersGM]

I think it's totally normal to at least give a quick "hi, hope your day's been going well. Thinking about ya!" type text. Nothing wrong with wanting or hoping for that.

[Account]

I don't find it clingy at all. But maybe I am a bit prejudiced because my boyfriend and I talk all the time (unless one of us is sleeping, eating or busy with college related stuff).

[aj123451231]

Keep your expectations to short text messages. Space in a relationship is healthy. Save the longer conversations for over the phone or in person.

[Asker]

I see what you mean...it's just kinda annoying because in all honesty, I've dated someone else whom would text with me every day and our chemistry was so amazing. I'm trying hard not to compare them, but after getting a taste of that magnetic chemistry where you enjoy each other's company every day, I like to see that when romantically interested in someone, let alone an official boyfriend.

[funkipunk]

Absolutely NEEDING to hear from me every day would be too much. I personally cannot relate with this feeling because I've never been that way. I appreciate that you like me that much and want to hear from me, but you should have your own personality and interests that don't center around me. It makes me question your independence as a woman.

[Asker]

Wanting to hear from your boyfriend every day doesn't discredit your independence as a woman. As someone who has worked up to three jobs at once and never asked for him to spend money on me ever, I can honestly say my independence has not reduced simply because I'd like for him to keep in touch daily.

[catguy]

@QA even so thats just how it would come off on a guy

[Asker]

catguy, speak for yourself. My man knows I'm not dependent.

[funkipunk]

I'd have to know you to make a full and completely accurate judgment, but I hold with what I said.

My reasoning:

Posting on GAG to see whether or not users agree with your relationship habits can be interpreted as a method of looking for reassurance. And, asking the question anonymously doesn't allow you to put a face to your words, which may discredit your claim of having a strong and independent personality.

Again though, I'd have to know you personally to make a full and more accurate judgment.

[funkipunk]

I also want to add that not all men think the same way. So in some respect, I disagree with catguy

[Asker]

funkipunk, it could be interpreted as a method of looking for reassurance. Just as your behavior could be interpreted as simply over-analyzation and falsely psychoanalyzing a total stranger. It's foolish to assume that your assumptions are spot on with so little info to back them up. Limited pixels and characters barely begin to reveal what a person is all about.
It doesn't matter if you feel like anonymous questions discredit the possibility of having a strong, independent personality because in actual reality: you have no true place or right to dictate what accumulative behavior deems someone strong and independent.
*you adding "Again though, I'd have to know you personally to make a full and more accurate judgment" doesn't clear up what you just did there lol*

[catguy]

I am speaking for myself lol. you are asking for our advice/opinions after all.

[Asker]

catguy, if you're speaking for yourself then you shouldn't imply that men in general would feel that way. "that's just how it would come off on a guy" implies that you're speaking for others.

[catguy]

not really. sorry if thats what you interpreted that as, but thats not what i meant

[Asker]

catguy, okay thanks for clearing that up : )

[funkipunk]

If I did know you in real life, I don't think I'd like you.

[Asker]

funkipunk, if I knew you in real life, I probably couldn't stand to be around you enough for you to even begin to like me lol

[Anonymous]

Not clingy at all, if he can't be in touch daily then move on.

[marianne302]

Um if he doesn't have the decency to text at the least... He has to go. If he is genuinely liking you like you like him he should be wanting to tell you about his day. Every day. That's love!

[kangaru2]

Voted C.
I would like to receive text from him so that I know he is doing fine.

[mario1321]

It could get a little annoying

[Asker]

Understatement. lol

[mario1321]

Ever heard the song hold on loosely but dont let go

[Asker]

nope, whose it by?

[mario1321]

Dont really know maybe journey "hold on loosely but dont let go.if you hold on tightly your going to lose control"thats all i remember

[AdamThomas]

No I wouldn't say that's clingy at all.