Search Results: Would you care if other people thought you were

We had been dating for 2 years and we live together. We haven’t discussed about what we were comfortable with and what not until now. We were talking about something and this came up.

This all happened before we met. He made out with a hot colleague. They never had sex and it was only because his ex was causing drama. He and his colleague decided to remain only friends. They don’t really work in the same department. They would hang out for lunch all the time. She now has a boyfriend and she knows he’s now with me. We are all working from home so they obviously don’t see. However, every now and then she would message him. In fact, he messaged her few days ago.

I am truly not comfortable with it. Had sex or not, they obviously find each other attractive. They made out and I am not comfortable with it. He doesn’t necessarily agree but he understands my perspective. It was never discussed but I am not comfortable with my partner keeping contact with exes/people you dated in the past. He respects me. He doesn’t care about keeping in contact with her, and he thinks the right to do is to cut her off. He won’t respond to her messages anymore. When they do go back to the office, he will reject her invitation to lunches or drinks after work.

I had no idea of her existence until today. I’m kind of not okay with how he never told me about her earlier. If let’s say they were meeting up alone, and I later found out he has been hanging out with a hot colleague who he made out with?… that would be a big problem. My boyfriend admitted he’s not good at communicating, and not someone who is an open book. You have to dig and ask. He just thought it should be fine. It also doesn’t make feel great.

boyfriend and I have been together 8 years. I have always gotten him a gift for Valentine’s Day, or made something requiring time and effort if I couldn’t afford it. Earlier in the week, boyfriend said he didn’t know what to get me after he noticed I had liked some gifts other people had gotten on Twitter (just thought it was nice, wasn’t trying to make a point)

Fast forward a few days. We’re in a shop and they have a big studio ghibli plush for $45. I brought him to the side away from anyone who might hear and asked if he wanted to buy the plush for my valentine. I planned to get it regardless of his answer. He agreed but his attitude changed. We got into the car, he grilled me for “putting him on the spot” and even said he thought we were past “materialism.” I was taken aback as I never ask for money/gifts and only asked because he expressed worry over it, and I led him away from people as to NOT put him on the spot. He also said I don’t know if he even has that much money (I know he has roughly $60,000, he just doesn’t keep it all directly in his checking account, he’ll withdraw however much he needs at the time and that’s what he’s referring to). However, he’s spent more than that on me even before he had money. We were both broke high schoolers when we got together, so I obviously didn’t get with him for that. He also spends more than that on himself on a regular basis, so I figured it was something he could easily afford.

Almost the day after this, he buys a $300 watch for himself. I feel worthless and unimportant. I couldn’t care less about money. I just want to feel like I matter and am thought about. I ended up having to work on Valentine’s and came home with his favorite beers (which he didn’t drink a single one) and spent 6 hours making pineapple upside down cupcakes and he still pouted that I didn’t buy him anything when I have less than $100 to my name.

Am I the asshole for being upset at him or for asking about the plush? Or is he? Thanks in advance!