boyfriend and I have been together 8 years. I have always gotten him a gift for Valentine’s Day, or made something requiring time and effort if I couldn’t afford it. Earlier in the week, boyfriend said he didn’t know what to get me after he noticed I had liked some gifts other people had gotten on Twitter (just thought it was nice, wasn’t trying to make a point)
Fast forward a few days. We’re in a shop and they have a big studio ghibli plush for $45. I brought him to the side away from anyone who might hear and asked if he wanted to buy the plush for my valentine. I planned to get it regardless of his answer. He agreed but his attitude changed. We got into the car, he grilled me for “putting him on the spot” and even said he thought we were past “materialism.” I was taken aback as I never ask for money/gifts and only asked because he expressed worry over it, and I led him away from people as to NOT put him on the spot. He also said I don’t know if he even has that much money (I know he has roughly $60,000, he just doesn’t keep it all directly in his checking account, he’ll withdraw however much he needs at the time and that’s what he’s referring to). However, he’s spent more than that on me even before he had money. We were both broke high schoolers when we got together, so I obviously didn’t get with him for that. He also spends more than that on himself on a regular basis, so I figured it was something he could easily afford.
Almost the day after this, he buys a $300 watch for himself. I feel worthless and unimportant. I couldn’t care less about money. I just want to feel like I matter and am thought about. I ended up having to work on Valentine’s and came home with his favorite beers (which he didn’t drink a single one) and spent 6 hours making pineapple upside down cupcakes and he still pouted that I didn’t buy him anything when I have less than $100 to my name.
Am I the asshole for being upset at him or for asking about the plush? Or is he? Thanks in advance!
Fast forward a few days. We’re in a shop and they have a big studio ghibli plush for $45. I brought him to the side away from anyone who might hear and asked if he wanted to buy the plush for my valentine. I planned to get it regardless of his answer. He agreed but his attitude changed. We got into the car, he grilled me for “putting him on the spot” and even said he thought we were past “materialism.” I was taken aback as I never ask for money/gifts and only asked because he expressed worry over it, and I led him away from people as to NOT put him on the spot. He also said I don’t know if he even has that much money (I know he has roughly $60,000, he just doesn’t keep it all directly in his checking account, he’ll withdraw however much he needs at the time and that’s what he’s referring to). However, he’s spent more than that on me even before he had money. We were both broke high schoolers when we got together, so I obviously didn’t get with him for that. He also spends more than that on himself on a regular basis, so I figured it was something he could easily afford.
Almost the day after this, he buys a $300 watch for himself. I feel worthless and unimportant. I couldn’t care less about money. I just want to feel like I matter and am thought about. I ended up having to work on Valentine’s and came home with his favorite beers (which he didn’t drink a single one) and spent 6 hours making pineapple upside down cupcakes and he still pouted that I didn’t buy him anything when I have less than $100 to my name.
Am I the asshole for being upset at him or for asking about the plush? Or is he? Thanks in advance!
Updates
+1 y
He also didn’t get me anything last year and I didn’t make a fuss about it. I feel like he could’ve at least made me a card, which makes this whole ordeal feel like even more of a slap in the face
Updates
+1 y
Forgot to add it’s a recurring thing with him either forgetting special dates entirely or putting in bare minimum effort. He’s forgotten my birthday more times than remembered it. We also just recently celebrated our 8 year anniversary and no special gestures there either
