Hello readers. I am sharing my story of how I was raised and supposed to be a what society calls "gold digger" marrying rich but I rebelled strong, long and hard and I ended up being a autonomous businesswoman instead. It wasn't easy and it felt like going through hell and it also felt like a very long quest. This is my story.
I was born in uncomfortable conditions in a family upholding traditional cultural values and I went to school like normally. I am the only girl and I have 2 brothers, who were raised differently than me. Unfortunately we all could not get along. Conflicts here, yelling there, threats or coercion elsewhere and punishments for just one tiny little wrong move or mistake or any matter of doing any "oopsies". While others had enjoyed a rather more sympathetic, somewhat understanding and easy going family I felt like mine was a threat to me.
You see I was raised to follow traditional values but with some extras beyond that and then to ultimately marry someone affluent and repeat the cycle. However this felt not right to me like forcing those values on me and making me a miserable puppet. I was taught, that I have a high desirability while I am young and beautiful and my ability to housekeep. I did learn how to cook and sew but I see it more for my own benefit. I was told to not waste my young years on nonsense and to try and find and attract a rich man to marry. But to me there was no happiness in following such a course.
I felt destroyed when I heard that. Depression kicked in. So did the suicidal thoughts and the bottomless disappointments. At 15 years I felt like it was the end of the line for me. The very supposed guardians of mine cutting off my wings and sending me to such a demise. I did not want to do anything. Not eating, not talking, not doing any homework, not asking for help, nothing at all!
I kept a low profile and an image of me doing what they expected and making up stories how I keep meeting men pretending to be rich but they are actually being in debts and that I learn how to differentiate those and bla bla bla.
When I asked a question on GAG about it, that my parents try to make me a gold digger, I didn't get many helpful responses. Some responses were OK but some others I would have preferred would not have said anything at all (that they have my best interest? What?). No, I am not a gold digger and I won't become a trophy wife!
After high school I had a fight with my parents once more when I announced I will start to work as a waitress. Had to convince them since they are not giving me any money to maintain my beauty and that I might meet a rich man there. Fortunately they did not demand, that the paycheck will go to their accounts because I can tell they are quite horrible with money. I wouldn't accept that anyway, so my own money goes to my own bank account. But my parents wouldn't let that slide without a big fight.
I moved out soon after to live with a roommate and share a dormitory room. There was yet another huge fight with my parents about it, that I am not respecting them or throwing them away and all that. My brothers mostly didn't care but one of them discouraged me still. You can probably think what happened. Insults, yelling like a struck animal, discourage, curses, wishing me bad and failure. Anything short of being disowned. I almost did not get my passport document from them as a last resort. For a moment I thought I need to involve the police but secretly.
I had to get the hell out of them. I knew it was the right choice but the damages have already been done.
My roommate wasn't good but it could be worse. She mostly cared about partying and enjoying the moment every day and I could not sleep well when she was watching videos, that would flash and illuminate the room or laugh at comedy serials.
I was too tired to complain to her about it and honestly I was also too weak to put up a fight with her. Besides I did not feel like gambling for another roommate for I feared the next one would be worse.
I spent years working and saving up so i could afford, enroll and study in the university and I have chosen to major in economics part time (5 years). I came to my dormitory tired and in a lousy mood after the hard shifts and rather unfruitful classes to do my homework.
This has been going on for 4 years.
Parents are increasingly getting more disappointed in me. I lower the amount of times I talk to them. I keep telling them, that men with money are a scarcity but they live in their own world, where rich men can be found with some luck.
Most days I spent crying in the shower, wishing to perish and be reborn in a sane, normal, supportive and loving family.
I felt defeated, broken, sick, tired and wanting to be left alone.
I had a few crushes on cute boys but they were either not interested or cared only about themselves or they only masked their cuteness and are truly nothing more than a-holes or I have misjudged their intelligence.
I had only one "boyfriend", who was also as poor as me and I didn't mind him being poor because I truly loved him (we were both students but in different universities) but the relationship lasted less than a year. He kept increasingly neglecting me and one day he just ghosts me completely. My first break up felt devastating to me. I didn't ask for much but to spend time together.
Once again I felt defeated. But I also felt I can't give up and I felt I need to always get up and always keep fighting even if I am losing and all odds are against me.
I do a better job looking all good, happy and energetic but once I return to my dormitory room everything falls off and I jump into the shower and more often than not cry once more.
Half a year before my university graduation I could convince a bank to work for them as an intern to handle credit loans from customers, who are interested in buying expensive electronics but i would be stationed at the electronics shop. It was my ticket out of the mess I came from. The trial period was 3 months and I got an official labor contract. I was very thankful for this job opportunity.
After a few months I was moving to a one room apartment to live by myself. Finally alone and no one to disturb my nights sleep and distracting me. It was a huge relief to me (similar to when I left my parents).
At that time I received news about what happened with my former classmates and how they ended up so far. 2 of them married, got pregnant and then divorced and are single mothers. A few others still didn't really start to work or study. One girl enrolled into a university some distance away from me. One girl enrolled too but she dropped out. One troublemaker guy got shot to death when he got into an internal familial conflict.
My brothers didn't do much but to learn manual labor and working odd jobs (no trade or training).
I didn't care about those news. I had to look out for myself as no one else I knew was interested in getting out of such madness anyway.
I graduated. When the university staff expected us to smile, I put on my usual fake smile, that I learned from my previous job. But deep inside I wished I would collapse. All in all the university experience was rather calm and focused on academic matters. But I can't say my fellow classmates were as ambitious. They were not terrible people but they didn't really care about making something of themselves or their career. I got very good degrees on it. Studied closely with the professors, so they could understand, that I mean business and stand out.
Meanwhile I got another angry phone call from my parents, that I have wasted my youth and my chances of marrying an affluent man are going down and that I will regret not following the values I was brought up with and that I am risking living unmarried and unhappy and with regrets and that I became "too much like a man". I felt nothing. I simply hung up. I didn't even say goodbye. It was silent. I was a little scared what would happen next. But I am too broken and tired to mind. Just screw off already!
After a few years of working full time for the bank I have received promotions and more responsibilities and at some point I was mentoring other girls how to do my work, that I used to do, so I can change my position to something else. I saw the new girls were eager to work and I told them they remind me of myself. I wanted to make them feel well and that they are safe with us. The feeling I most longed for when I first started to work.
Today I work as a recruitment specialist for the bank and I find new corporate clients to join using our services (convince them to join us, explain to them why we are better than the other banks, what advantages they can expect from us) as well as supporting existing clients on their needs and making processes and paperwork for them, so that our customers don't have to worry about anything.
I left the low class mess. I feel I am middle class now. And most importantly I have not married rich. And I don't even talk to my parents that much anymore and I am not even pretending to try and find a rich man.
If I want I can go and eat out alone or with a friend in a nice restaurant. Or buy a new bag for my outfit. Or go to dance classes. All with my own hard earned money. I don't have to report where I go, where I am, with who I am or if I am seeing any rich guy. I had to fight and rebel for a very long time for it.
However it all came with a tremendous cost. But the rewards, that come with it more than make up for it.
The costs, that come with gaining your autonomy will push all of your limits. It felt like too much burden for something so basic as my own autonomy.
I am paying big money for my healthcare and I am addressing my health problems. It is getting better and my future is looking up. I am going to several doctor often including a psychotherapist, who prescribes me medicine and a recovery plan, so i can live normally with my mental health. Personally I am happily going to the psychotherapist in particular.
Money really changes people. With backgrounds like mine and new opportunities coming with money I understand why some believe, that money trumps everything else. It can feel it myself.
I do at times wish to be held and hugged by one normal man I am in mutual love with, who tells me it's OK and that I can burst out my tears to and feel protected by him. But there is nothing wrong with being single. I have been single for more than 3 years now. I am in no rush for marriage. Instead of marrying rich I rather become rich myself.
To the girls, please pretty ones, you can too get a hold of your life if you feel trapped or controlled. Your worth is not determined by your youth or marrying rich or marrying young or how useful you are to the opposite sex or your ability to give birth or how much approval you have from the opposite sex. You don't have to conform to any of it. It is your life and you decide what you do with it. I will do my part and support the girls and boys I come into contact with.
Ultimately it is up to you to decide. Do you want to make your own money and live life as you please and have fun and live well and happily? Or do you want to risk settling to be someone's personal subordinate and obey even the most uncomfortable if not outright disrespectful orders, who does not have your interests at heart? Or do you do neither and let whatever happens happen to you?
Of course not all men are bad. I have seen and known many normal guys, who were coworkers, customers, waiters, random strangers, someone i met at parties or organized events, so these guys are fine. Some guys too are going through hell.
Looking back I get the feeling, that most people would just quit and settle for what they ended up with rather than going through such lengths to turn their life around. For me it's better to cry alone in a mansion with a swimming pool than in a house with someone, that I am not happy to see.
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