Search Results: does not deserve him

I'm 40, and recently broke up with my boyfriend (47) of 11 months. We had hundreds of days filled with highs, he is social, charming, has a lot of friends, loves going out, having fun. He was very sweet, romantic and caring during these times. There were red flags that I tried to rationalize- binge drinking multiple times a week, crippling debt from student loans and cc (>200K), no career motivation and health issues that started popping up (probably from drinking). We had 6-7 arguments over the last year, that I thought were heated but never out of control (and always under the influence of alcohol). The next day we'd both apologize and move on. I realized he'd get overwhelmed then, and sometimes even at the smallest disagreement or when I needed to vent (when both were sober). I showed concern about his health and debt and the stupid fights that happened while drinking. Asked him to cut back, but he was super defensive and in denial. Fast forward to the new year, we were going to move in together and he was going to propose. He suddenly started acting disinterested and cold and last week suddenly declares he doesn't want to move in together. I'm taken aback and ask why, and he brings up the fights and that it's too frequent. I ask if he's overwhelmed with all his issues, and he admits he is, but keeps blaming me for the fights. I say I'll work on being more understanding and only bring up stuff while we're both sober and in a calm way, but I can't change the past, only do better in the future. He's reluctant to accept my words and I finally ask in frustration if he wants to break up. He says he doesn't know what wants, but needs time on his own to think. Over the next 3 weeks, I don't hear from him and he ignores my call and texts, forcing me to text and email him an official breakup note. Rationally, I know he's not good for me in his current state, but my heart still loves him. I want to know if a man like this can change. Does he deserve a second chance?

Out of the many infidelity stories I've read, that one that realized still being hurt and cheated in revenge makes me feel some sympathy for them.

What if they started as a decent, good and innocent person that would've never cheated if they didn't get hurt that badly? Unlike the selfish cheater, they cheated out of excruciating emotional agony and anger.

What do you think? Would you feel some compassion/sympathy for them?

@Dargil and I were having a heated discussion about what he calls our "Bloated Federal Government." Dargil wants to cut the amount of Federal employees by 75%. That part didn't really bother me, but then he said that Doctor Jill should ONLY be allowed to have two personal assistants, instead of 12. His reasoning is that since Doctor Jill doesn't actually do anything, she should be able to accomplish not doing anything with just two personal staff members. I disagree. I think the FLOTUS deserves at least 25 personal staff members to help her do whatever it is she does.