My boyfriend has ulcerative colitis and he has been having a flare-up for the last three weeks. I've noticed that when he is ill (whether it's a cold or his UC acting up) he tends to be in his own world, only caring about himself, not really asking me if I'm ok (if I'm ill at the same time), etc. I understand that some men can be selfish when they're feeling unwell and I accept that. But with his UC, I think it's getting to him a lot more than a normal cold would. This morning he was mean to me and said he was anxious. Now I don't think illness is an excuse to be mean to your girlfriend, and it's been happening a few times in the last month or so. One minute he can be nice and loving and the next he will snap and not want anything to do with me, won't want me to talk to him for fear I'm going to ask him to do something and stress him out more than he is already.
I try to tell him that him being mean to me is not ok and in the heat of the moment he'll take offence. All I'm doing is saying the truth, and I deserve respect even when he is feeling unwell. Normally when he is healthy, he isn't that selfish guy, so I feel uncomfortable when he switches. If it wasn't for his UC, I'd say he's being a douchebag, but I can't help but think this is his UC talking. And if he's feeling anxious, etc., maybe he should see a therapist and talk about how he feels about his condition? UC is chronic and for life so I can understand if he would feel anxious, depressed about it. I also have a chronic condition that I have flareups for but I don't take it out on him. So I feel he needs to do some work on himself a bit here.
What are your thoughts? Do you have experience with UC in a relationship? Does your spouse take his frustration with it out on you?
