Why do I have mom guilt anytime I do something for myself?

[dearryy]

Anytime I go something nice for myself like, go get my nails and feet done, get my hair done, buy nice smelling perfumes, nice clothes or shoes, even though I my son is well taken care of, healthy and had what he needs, I always get the feeling of “I shouldn’t be doing this. My son needs me.” And it’s not like I’m robbing banks or anything dramatic but I still feel that way,

[Anonymous]

I'll speak about my mother.

I'm begging her to take care about herself, and not get too involved in her children's life (me and my siblings).

She is not seeing anyone outside, keeping her sorrow for herself, not meeting others, not having a goal anymore.. just wants to 'take care & support' us,, yet she says "I'm not there only for service.. I'm a human".

Well.. help yourself dear 🙂🤷‍♂️

My younger sister said -to what I agree to- that Mum is afraid of facing herself (sorting out her feelings) and trying to understand and accept what is around.
She therefore is making up these silly tiny challnges instead of facing the real ones.

She is becoming so intervening and bugging while she doesn't want, mean, and notice.

I swear to Allah (God) that I told her, don't do breakfast for me or Dad.. and just go do a check in the clinic. And then we help you with the rest.

She doesn't.
She is not sleeping.. for breakfast, or too much thinking, as well as aching.
And I have proposed and been there for each one to support her as much as I can so that the stress and exhaustion is reduced so she can plan to help herself get out of this situation.
I know I may have flaws and wasn't always the best.. but c'mon Mum.

If you don't want to help yourself, I find myself wanting to say: You deserve what you get for what you do.

So, thanks for taking care of your family. But also take care of yourself.

فاقد الشيء لا يعطيه.

A person does not provide whay they are missing.

You may not feel it now, but it certainly will come at the long run. Especially when children grow up and each one has his own things to do. You should also have something for your own, not just merely supporting and taking care of them.

Hope it makes sense.
All the best to you.

[ChiTown33]

It's just a sign you care about your child. All good parents just want the best for thier children. Life comes with finite resources. My mother will still lament all the things she WASN'T able to give me growing up. To which I tell her I never felt unloved. I never went hungry. I always felt I had a place of refuge in her and my father. And she needs to understand what a big deal that is. In my opinion that's why you have so many kids shooting up schools and whatnot today. Whatever my parents lacked in money they more than made up for in HONOR and LOVE. I tell her all the time I won the lottery with them as my parents. And my success are a reflection of all they've done for me.

[Anonymous]

Perspective. If you view self-care as a loss to your son or you taking from him, you'll always feel that way. If you view it as relaxing and taking care of yourself so that you can be the best mom possible, it may help. My four-year-old loves it when I get fixed up and tells me he has the prettiest mom in the world. It's good for his self-esteem to see me taking care of myself. It's not just for you, it's for your son (and SO, too). It's good for your mental health, too.

[DishLady]

It’s natural. You’re in “mom” mode as soon as the baby arrives and worry if you’re away from the baby for any reason, which makes even simple tasks like making breakfast a guilt ridden challenge for new Mom’s. BUT remember that taking care if yourself (all the basics including good rest) is required so you can be the best mom to your kid.


Happy almost Mother’s Day! 🌸🌸🌸

[AI Opinion]

Oh, sweetheart, I totally get where you're coming from. It's like you have this little voice inside telling you that every bit of your time and resources should be dedicated to your son, right? But here's the thing: taking care of yourself is not just okay, it's necessary. Like how they say on airplanes, you've got to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. When you take time for self-care, it's not just for you—it's also for your son. A happy, relaxed, and fulfilled mom is the best gift you can give him. Plus, you're setting a wonderful example for your little guy about the importance of self-care and personal happiness. So next time you're feeling that guilt creep in, remind yourself that by nurturing your own well-being, you're actually being an even better mom. Trust me, you're doing amazing! How do you usually like to treat yourself when you get some me-time?

[desidoll]

Society, especially the elderlies has really given women a very very hard time. We have to adhere to everything that is supposed to be our “job” and if we miss even one of them, we fail as a mother. I for one, would never ever abide to their rules because my mental health is just as important as my kids.

[sage2021]

It is okay as long as you don't spend a lot of time doing it.

The thing that I see that bothers me are mothers who spend too much time on their cellphones and that could be my mommy and me time.

I've seen mother's in restaurants on their cellphone the entire time they are there while her daughter was being ignored and wanted to talk to her mom.

[molonski2]

Honestly you are doing the healthy thing , its 24/7 being a mother and just no human being can do that , for your mental health you need that time alone , I remember in my time just cherishing those small moments. You have no reason to feel any guilt , you are doing a great job , in these moments just focus on you , you being well and adjusted is also important to your boys health.

Enjoy :)

[wiltingrosepetal]

It might stem from childhood and the way you were raised. Since my dad grew up poor, he feels like every little thing he buys for himself must benefit the family 2x more than it takes away. There's immense guilt whenever he does anything for himself because he inherently views that as a money-wasting failure

[JacobJordan]

Because you know it isn't necessary but you do it anyways. You can do your hair at home but it won't be as good. You can do your nails and feet at home but it won't be as good. Do you have money saved up for if you lose your job? Or enough to get a different apartment? If not then that can contribute.

[sheikalana]

I feel like that's part of being a mom. But hey don't be so hard on yourself. You were a woman before becoming your son's mom and you should not neglect the woman that you are unless things get out of control and you start neglecting your child which doesn't seem to be the case. Enjoy yourself and treat yourself once in a while.

[Anonymous]

So long as his needs are met you deserve to do a little something for yourself. Part of being a good parent means taking care of yourself as well. You can’t take care of others if you can’t take care of yourself. So give yourself permission to do a little something once in a while. Does his father say things to you to make you feel this way?

[PeachyPie93]

It is fine to do those things as long as you can afford them and are not taking away money from your child or child support. You shouldn't feel bad about giving yourself "me time" as it is necessary so you don't lose your mind lol.

[midnightmoon05]

it’s normal. We all have had that experience.

[abc3643]

It's instinctive. I feel the same way about my animals. (We have 2 cats, 7 dogs, and 1 horse.)

[tomboy2003]

This guilt stems from the harsh judgment women face in society, especially if they are mothers

[Jackblue]

Dissatisfaction with oneself is natural even if you aren't a parent, just remember we all are just mortal human beings.

[Anonymous]

I've never done any of those things for myself. If it makes you feel bad. Don't do them?

[jahaims]

Trauma from your caregivers. It is common if you had a narcissistic parent.

[laly520]

it could be cuz of a childhood trauma

[FuqUFggt]

Because you are stupid. A common female trait

[dearryy]

Lmaooo I mean I may be a bit
slow sometimes but not stupid.

[KrakenAttackin]

Where is the Father?

[DreamLife7]

I don't know 🤷🏼‍♀️