My mom hits me and blames everything on me, advice?

Question

Im a 22 year old college student living with family (I know, still).

I want to move out, but I don't have enough money and my mom tells me that I will never survive on my own. Ironically, she always blames everything on me and makes me responsible for everything like taking out the trash and doing the dishes when I have 2 younger siblings ( in HS) who usually make a mess and get away with it.

She hits me on my face and throws stuff at me when she gets angry. Like for ex., today, the trash can was filled up in the bathroom, and I didn't see it filled up and usually if I see it full, I take the trash out. My mom goes all out on me and hits me everywhere saying "didn't you see the trash full?!"... I mean why am I the only one responsible for the trash can, when my f***ing little brother who is mainly responsible for blowing his snot a bazillion times a day and fills up the trash can with napkins, doesn't EVER take the trash out, and I have to throw away his sh*t?

My mom clearly favors my little brother (he's in 10th gr) over my sister and I. He complains and talks back to my mother, but he never gets hit by my mother, and she only yells at him.

My mom tells me to get out of the house when she blows up, and once threatened me to stab me with a kitchen night, and I ended up running away from her and spending the night at my neighbor's house. She is only violent towards me and never to my other siblings who clearly is mediocre in school and doesn't do ANTHING except ordering my mom around to make them food.

I was an honors student in high school and went to NYU, but got academically dismissed my sophomore year because I chose the wrong major. I understand she is infuriated with me for failing college, but it's just getting out of hand. I attended Community college for the being, and she says I am an epic failure everyday. I feel like killing her or punching her back sometimes, but I hold it in and don't even talk back to her because I know she might give me a bloody nose. I am not good handling criticism either as I was diagnosed with depression and BDD... in fact I don't know how I am still alive to this day. My mom makes me feel like the most ugliest, worthless crap and I hate myself because of her. I have no friends, because I'm really shy and have no self esteem whatsoever. I have never had a boyfriend either. I'm socially inept.

I really want to move out of this f***ing house, if only I had the money and smarts to.

Anybody have any suggestions on how I can deal with this situation? I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER.

BeccaBearx · Accepted Answer

Aw darling, you have no idea how heavy it makes my heart reading your story, no one should be made to feel worthless, you clearly pull your weight around your household while your other siblings do not. In my opinion children should be made to take responsibility for their own mess, you make the mess you clean it up! Also failing college isn't the end of the world! I know it may be viewed as a step backwards but everything happens for a reason and I'm sure that you can excel in other areas that you feel more comfortable in but where you are also able to challenge yourself in a positive way, your mother doesn't appear to be a positive energy in your life, she seems to be more of a hindrance to your self esteem, confidence and ambition which as a mother should make her feel ashamed, there are plenty of support groups around for young people in your situation. I think you need to be the positive influence in your own life, try writing a journal on your everyday feelings, this should help with the negative feelings of violence towards your mother while boosting your positive feelings towards yourself, do something that makes you happy or surprises you every week, you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are worth it and that you can be an amazing, complete and happy person, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Practice your social skills too, imagine starting conversations, asking people about their lives and build on common ground. As for a boyfriend, I think you should concentrate on yourself first and foremost, get yourself to a place where you feel happier and fulfilled as a person, men tend to find personally happy people attractive as well as looks.

I hope you can pull yourself out of your depression, if she's hitting you that is assault that she can be arrested for, which should be something you should consider deeply as she still is your mother, explain to her calmly what your feelings are, then leave her to consider them, maybe you could both try family counselling and separate counselling for yourself too, to help you on your journey to being comfortable with yourself.

I hope this helps you, even if it's only a little bit, I hope it does.

B x

chriiistelkelly · Accepted Answer

has she always been this angry? if it just recently started happening, maybe its because she's going through menopause. cause my mom is like that. she doesn't hit me, or scream at me, but she gets angry over the LITTLEST things. she's always complaining about everything, when I clean the house EVERYDAY, and make sure the house looks nice for when she comes home from work. but she still complains about everything. she expects ME to do everything. dishes, take out the trash, etc. but I think it's because she's going through menopause. because she NEVER EVER use to be like that. it started a couple months after she turned 47. She's still 47. and menopause can happen anytime after 40. so look up the symptons on google, maybe she could be at the starting point of it. for some women, menopause makes them a f***ing monster. but for other women, it doesn't effect them that badly. so look into it. I'm sorry it's happening to you, and I hope things get better soon. :) here's a paragraph I found on google, for personality change symptoms during menopause;

Mood and menopause

Psychological symptoms are often the focus of jokes about the menopause, but there is no objective evidence that cessation of ovarian function is associated with severe emotional disturbance or personality changes.

One can appreciate that the symptoms of menopause can affect one’s mood negatively and that added to the “normal” stresses associated with this age group, it can lead to anxiety, irritability, insomnia, forgetfulness and depression.

It can of course also precipitate an underlying psychological problem.

my mom even thinks she's going through menopause. Maybe you should talk to your mom about it. If it;s gonna make her angry, don't mention it. haha, just look it up online,

I REALLY hope I helped you. And I hope things get better!

kmhco · Accepted Answer

Move out now! There are shelters that can take care of you and provide counseling. They can also help you find a job so you can afford to live on your own. You don't have to put up with that crap. I would personally rather be homeless than be beaten by my mom because of something stupid like that.

Habakkuk · Accepted Answer

do you have any relatives you can live with? friends? you could become roommates with friends and split the bills, a lot of people do that nowadays

jessicaparker989 · Answer

Clam down dear,

she needs emotional support, take her to your doctor for check up. Tell her to join some emotional support groups where she can feel better. There are more possibility that she might be having depression or rather mood swings. Menopause and start of this transition stage is quite terrible not only for the person undergoing this phase but also for her family.

take care of your mom, she'll be alright.

dzj031682195 · Answer

why not talk with your father about it

foolycooly1001 · Answer

Call the police.

My mom hits me and blames everything on me, advice?

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