Does anyone experience mum guilt?

[Anonymous]

If so how do you handle it? My mum tends to be quite an emotional person. Since she doesn't have a great marriage and my siblings live in different cities she is quite attached to me. I've had to move home before finding a new flat, and she gets upset sometimes when I leave to see my boyfriend etc kind of jokingly saying I'm ditching or abandoning her. That kind of stuff gives me a lot of guilt. She tends to be over involved with my grades, commenting that I'm not studying enough or disapproving of my lifestyle.

This stuff is hard for me to deal with, do any of you guys experience similar stuff, and if so how do you cope?

Updates

+1 y

Sorry to hear you went through similar things. Keeping in contact is always a great option with social media. Thanks so much!

[Anonymous]

As long as you treat your mom with respect and don't betray your own needs in the process, you have no reason to feel guilty. Your mom has to understand that you gaining independence is a normal part of growing up. It's illogical for her to assume that you will always be living in the same house as her. "Empty nest" syndrome is a thing among parents for a reason when they suddenly no longer have their children at home. Everyone copes with this in a different way, and it seems that your mom is lowkey trying to guilt trip you a bit into trying to stay with her. However, with time, if she is a mature individual, she will come to encourage you to spread your wings and not make you feel guilty.

[Asker]

Thanks so much for your reply. I definitely agree, it's a bit harder for my mum as she comes from an abusive background, and also her marriage with my dad is not very good so her only identity has become being a mother. She doesn't mean to cause me distress but she does sometimes, but she's improving which is good.

[Opinion Owner]

My parental situation is similar to yours, so I completely empathize with you. At least we have video calls and text now, so staying in touch long-distance has never been easier, and you can always visit her too in the future. These are things you can tell your mom. Plus, she could visit you as well. I'm glad to have helped, and feel free to PM if/when you want to =)