Search Results: show her i love her, caring

I'm 40, and recently broke up with my boyfriend (47) of 11 months. We had hundreds of days filled with highs, he is social, charming, has a lot of friends, loves going out, having fun. He was very sweet, romantic and caring during these times. There were red flags that I tried to rationalize- binge drinking multiple times a week, crippling debt from student loans and cc (>200K), no career motivation and health issues that started popping up (probably from drinking). We had 6-7 arguments over the last year, that I thought were heated but never out of control (and always under the influence of alcohol). The next day we'd both apologize and move on. I realized he'd get overwhelmed then, and sometimes even at the smallest disagreement or when I needed to vent (when both were sober). I showed concern about his health and debt and the stupid fights that happened while drinking. Asked him to cut back, but he was super defensive and in denial. Fast forward to the new year, we were going to move in together and he was going to propose. He suddenly started acting disinterested and cold and last week suddenly declares he doesn't want to move in together. I'm taken aback and ask why, and he brings up the fights and that it's too frequent. I ask if he's overwhelmed with all his issues, and he admits he is, but keeps blaming me for the fights. I say I'll work on being more understanding and only bring up stuff while we're both sober and in a calm way, but I can't change the past, only do better in the future. He's reluctant to accept my words and I finally ask in frustration if he wants to break up. He says he doesn't know what wants, but needs time on his own to think. Over the next 3 weeks, I don't hear from him and he ignores my call and texts, forcing me to text and email him an official breakup note. Rationally, I know he's not good for me in his current state, but my heart still loves him. I want to know if a man like this can change. Does he deserve a second chance?

Love or commitment?

For me it's commitment. Your commitment shows you love them and want to make it work. Commitment is something you do because you love them. It's a way to support your partner. You are COMMITED to making it work, to being with them through good and bad, etc. It's not always easy to commit to someone, especially if you can be free and selfish, etc. Also how can you say you love someone but not be committed to them? Our TIME and our ENGERY and AFFECTION is one of our most valuable resources and you should only give that to people you care about.

I AM DONE. So her and I met up yesterday because it was our day off. She had sympathy for the death of my grandparents. So we went to the movies because she wanted to cheer me up and not sulk and mope all day and it won't do any good.
After the move and lunch we went to the ice cream place and she looked at me. She got frustrated and scolded, “Why do you still look moody? Is this what your grandpa would have wanted? To be sad all the time and cry? I am trying VERY VERY VERY hard to cheer you up and you don’t seem to appreciate! Look people die. We’re not going to be around forever. We’re NOT! At least show some appreciation and buck up. BUCK THE HELL UP!!!” And she shoved me and stormed off to the bathroom.”
I was shocked and everyone say the whole thing and looked at me. I just put my head down. Then I got so angry and when she came outside when she saw me with my things I scolded what the hell is her problem and screaming at me when I just lost my grandpa last week was uncalled for and very insensitive. Then she yelled, “Okay? What did you expect me to say? It’s the truth which you are too immature to handle. That I’m sorry for your loss? People die so there’s no use of crying! He’s dead he was old! He isn’t coming back GET OVER IT ALREADY!! And shoved me.
I went off on her, “That does it! I have had it with you!!! I’ve had a lot of insensitive people in some of my family and I don’t need this shit from you! You’re supposed to be my friend but I guess you don’t know how a damn thing about being one and empathy! Next time you see me, don’t look at me, you see my number, don’t call me, lastly don’t even come near me because this friendship is OVER! I AM DONE!” I grabbed my things, purposely numbed into her and left just in time for my Uber life to take me home.
I don’t know what she did after but I didn’t care.