Search Results: not thinking about him

I've been thinking, and I've come along a train of thought which holds not wanting to ask for help as a culprit for a ton of issues I've faced in the past.

As a guy, there is a desire to not rely on others for help and to handle things alone, but this is a dangerous idea as it encouraged me to step outside my lane out of a desire to prove I can handle it.

This is a huge barrier to progress as a desire to handle things alone doesn't mean I will succeed, it just means I need to step back and humble up, ask the right questions, have an experienced person handy, and then maybe.

But this "I gotta do it alone", that needs to stop. While I don't intend to rely on others, I do intend to educate myself more, explore my natural skillsets while gaining new ones, and knowing my place.

One instance where I felt ashamed to accept help was last year when I was hospitalized for a serious lung infection which came as a result of my alcohol problems leading to being taken off Trikafta, a medication for my Cystic Fibrosis which has done nothing less than give me a new life.

Now alcohol is gone, Trikafta is back, coughing and labored breathing are gone, too. But in the hospital, I recieved IV antibiotics, but the IV machine kept on stopping.

Not wanting to keep bothering nurses when all I needed was the IV machine to go back to working, I asked one nurse how to fix it, so I wouldn't be such a burden on the staff.

She giggled and playfully hit me with a newspaper, she was right, those liberties aren't mine to take, the whole reason I was sick, at all, is because I was an irresponsible mess who drank more rum than Jack Sparrow.

This issue was fixed by a PICC line being inserted in me, which I used to finish my rounds of antibiotics and from there, I changed my life but I still feel ashamed to keep hitting the call button when I just needed the machine to work again.

Have you felt ashamed to ask for, or accept assistance from others?

Me personally I am thinking I have something missing in my brains. Like an area which is not pronounced as it should be or missing altogether. I tend to find it difficult to connect with most people. And also I think it took me the longest time to achieve some maturity. At around 40, my current age.

I think I've told a few people on here that im attempting to write my own books. It will be an epic medieval fantasy setting and i am fleshing out a few of the main characters im thinking about putting in the story.

the main main character though i got a middle aged woman who is a master at fighting with a sword. Her name is Charlotte and she lives in an internment camp among other human beings who in my story are a bit rare.

some other traits about her i got so far:

- she has no children not due to any illness or bad health but because she simply decided she doesn’t want to. She decided child rearing wasn’t for her.

- her father who was a war hero and taught her everything about being a fighter has been missing for a long time.

- she has a positive upbeat attitude towards life despite living in an internment camp.

Thats about it so far. I originally had her as a make character and younger but i dunno i find this a bit more interesting a d not something you likely see in fantasy or any story really. I like the challenge in any case. What would make a middle aged woman give up an established life and go on an adventure? I find it thought provoking.

would you find this character interesting?

maybe something like Brianne of Tarth from Game of Thrones