Search Results: forgiving a cheater

I just got back from reddit, reading about both the wife's and husband's versions.

The wife's version:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xu9wga/i_feel_my_husband_m_40_is_likely_cheating_now_and/

She cheated with the guy's best friend when she was a 19 year-old college freshman. They were boyfriend and girlfriend and he catches them in his own house. He literally walked in on them. She gets forgiven and years later the guy still marries her.

The husband's version:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xwvpg0/i_cheated_on_my_wife_and_im_nervous_dont_know_how/

He cheats 20 years later (the guy is now 40 years old) when they already have 3 kids (their oldest child is 14 years old) and been married for 15 years. His cheating is unrelated to her cheating. He cheats because he's having a mid-life crisis and wanted to see what it was like being with another woman. He cheated with his co-worker, ended up loving the other woman but finds out she was using him for money. During the time he was cheating he would be drunk in front of their kids.

Which cheating is worse to you, cheating as a 19 year-old girlfriend and getting caught with the guy's friend or cheating as a 40 year-old man married with 3 kids and coming home drunk?

Base on ethnicity/race and how their personalities are, which women do you think it's more likely to take back a cheater and give him a 2nd chance?

- White women
- Black/African American women
- Latina/hispanic women
- Asian women
- European women

I’ve been with this guy for around 5 months and officially together for almost 3. I thought we had a great relationship and he clearly loves and adores me and does everything he can to provide and protect me, however one particular issue had come up twice. We spoke extensively about our sexual pasts because we believe we have a right to know what kind of person we’re getting into relations with, and there was a story he told me which didn’t add up. He got annoyed at me and attempted to gaslight me and make me feel crazy when I expressed my suspicions but it ended up coming out that he was telling me lies because he slipped up in his story.

I take gaslighting very seriously and was going to dump him, so I moved out for a few days. He extensively apologised and promised to be truthful and I decided to forgive him despite this red flag. I asked him a few times if there is anything else in his past that he thinks he should tell me and he strongly said no. A month after this whole incident I decided to go through his laptop which he is usually extremely protective over and I found a bunch of bookmarks of escorts near our area and their websites and various chat rooms.

This is very worrying to me because I am aware that he had an addiction to escorts and porn in the past but he gave me the impression this was long over. It is also highly possible that he could be cheating on me. I also feel betrayed because I specifically asked him if he had been meeting escorts recently when we first started seeing each other and he denied it. To me these findings mean he is either a cheater or a liar. He is at work right now and doesn’t know I have seen all of this but I am wondering if I should dump him tonight or not?